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  Former Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru

  January 2003

  How about you take some time out? Just tell him you want some time to yourself for a couple of days to take stock of what has happened.
  
  I know he should have done it earlier, but the fact that he told you rather than you finding out from someone else should count for something.
  
  You say you can't trust him again, and I can fully understand that, but if you have a little break he might come to realise that what he has with you is so special that he wouldn't do anything to jeopordise that again. Perhaps he already realises that.

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  Former Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru

  January 2003

  Maybe his conscience tortured him during all this time, and at last he told you.

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  Former Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru

  January 2003

  Okay, first of all can you explain why and how he told you? How did it happen? Does he seem really contrite or does he have a "dunno what all the fuss is about" attitude?
  
  I`m not saying that what he did is right, but if he swears it was only a kiss I wouldn`t exactly call that cheating. Stupid yes, cheating no. The question is really whether or not you believe him. If he hasn`t given you reason to think he`s untrustworthy (other than this), he is genuinely sorry and you really do love him then personally I think I would give him the benefit of the doubt. At the same time I would let him know just how pissed off I was, that he better make it up to me, and that it cannot happen again. Also that if I found out later that it was more than a kiss we`d be finished.

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  Former Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru

  January 2003

  in long term relationships 60% of men cheat and 40% of women cheat. apparently anyway. i know its a devastating thing but he has come forward and told you. he obviously doesnt want to hurt you, he wanted to make your relationship strong, and if hes keeping secrets he cant feel its strong. eh that was worded badly. imagine this: 6 mnths ago you went out with your friends and you met a guy, he was a bit drunk and started trying it on with you. you kissed him but then you stopped him soon after, and went home with your friends. now all this time, everytime you see oyur boyfriend, this guilt is eating you up inside. so you have to tell him in the end. and thats what your boyfriend had to do, even if there was no way you would find out he knew that he had cheated and he needed to confess.
  
  now, you may want a little time out, just a week where you can think to yourself. then whatever you think of you can tell him. if i was in the same position as yo i would be upset, but i would ask my girlfriend why she did it. if she said it was a mistake and she never meant to do it then i would forgive her...
  
  you can learn to trust him again, even if you cant forget, but now is the time that your relationship will be tested....

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  Former Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru

  January 2003

  I agree with Miffy.
  
  Whatever you decide do it for YOU!

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  Former Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru

  January 2003

  Yep, ultimately only you can decide what feels right for you.

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  Former Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru

  January 2003

  I think you need to make him understand how much he's hurt you by taking a wee bit of a break. If you give in easily then he WILL think you are a pushover. If he tries to keep up contact then you know he loves you. If he lets it go without a fight, then he's not the right guy for you.
  
  I actually think admitting to cheating after so long is really selfish. If you don't admit it at the time, then doing so six months down the line is just about cleansing your own consciounse (sp?), with no regard for your boyf or girlf and how they'll be affected by the news.
  
  Someone felt above that just a kiss is not cheating. Bollocks.

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  Former Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru

  January 2003

  hiya. thanks guys a lot of what you have said is true and is really helpful. He rang me and i believe he is truely sorry and regrets what he has done but its still hard now to think of still being with him. Im a pretty jealous person anyway so this has hit me quite hard and he knows it. He told me that the guilt has been eating away at him and he wanted to tell me but didnt want to upset me. I dont think we are going to split up but i didnt tell him that coz like lovedup says i dont want to look like a pushover. I really want to be with him still but i dont know how i can ever look at him in the same way knowing he has done this to me.
  
  Thanks for all your help and for being there when i needed it

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  Former Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru

  January 2003

  i read the first post, then sort of skip-read the rest, so this might have already been said.
  
  if he had taken it further than a kiss, wouldn't he either have told you, or kept it quiet. i think he did only kiss them, and he probably felt guilty for all this time, and its you decision, and yours only if you want to dump him.

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