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Diagnosed w/ depression...
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Last week I told my mom that I've been depressed for a long time and everything...she took me to the doctor and he diagnosed me w/ severe depression...He put me on "Lexapro"...he said that it has no severe symptoms.. Well, basically I've been on a rollercoaster with my emotions and my mindset.. On friday night I had really bad cramps..diarhea...then I had very bad chest pains so I had my mom call 911.. The hospital f*cked up and they gave me morhpine and a bunch of other sedatives WITHOUT even doin bloodwork..so they basically f*cked me up and I'm off my medication.. I have to wait another week to get new medication.. So I feel extremely hopeless and cold.. I feel like sh*t because I should of came to my mom earlier..I wouldnt of have to deal w/ this garbage...I dont know what to do anymore...
I feel EXTREMELY cold and just....even a hug feels like nothing to me...I dont want to be touched...dont want nothing.. I keep having highs and lows about a million times a day..
I feel abandoned by everybody...and I feel angry at everybody...
I'm starting to think that I'm really supposed to feel this way and I never could feel love,caring and forgivness in the first place..
Who here has gone through this??
I cant even express any excitement...emotions...nothing.. Everything is filled with negativity...I'm exhausted of all of this..
Its even hard for me because my boyfriend isnt here with me...He's in another state and he's working his ass off to get everything back on the track w/ his life..I miss him and I dont want to feel angry with him cause its not his fault...I dont want to feel angry ebcause I feel guilty about it and Its like...I know what I wanna feel, but I cant feel it..and its just hurting me...
Its come to a point where I dont know how im supposed to feel because I'm confused out of my mind...
Who here can relate??
I used to be so forgiving and just...a wonderfull person..now I go through about a million moods per minute...one minute im some-what good, then I'm all irritated and pissed off...then I'm crying...then I'm not speaking at all....
I really need someone to talk to about this..I dont know what to do anymroe.. I wish I could feel like before..I wish I could FEEL love in my heart...I feel like theres a wall between my head and my heart...and im confused about my feelings for everything...I really dont know what to do anymore...:(
I feel EXTREMELY cold and just....even a hug feels like nothing to me...I dont want to be touched...dont want nothing.. I keep having highs and lows about a million times a day..
I feel abandoned by everybody...and I feel angry at everybody...
I'm starting to think that I'm really supposed to feel this way and I never could feel love,caring and forgivness in the first place..
Who here has gone through this??
I cant even express any excitement...emotions...nothing.. Everything is filled with negativity...I'm exhausted of all of this..
Its even hard for me because my boyfriend isnt here with me...He's in another state and he's working his ass off to get everything back on the track w/ his life..I miss him and I dont want to feel angry with him cause its not his fault...I dont want to feel angry ebcause I feel guilty about it and Its like...I know what I wanna feel, but I cant feel it..and its just hurting me...
Its come to a point where I dont know how im supposed to feel because I'm confused out of my mind...
Who here can relate??
I used to be so forgiving and just...a wonderfull person..now I go through about a million moods per minute...one minute im some-what good, then I'm all irritated and pissed off...then I'm crying...then I'm not speaking at all....
I really need someone to talk to about this..I dont know what to do anymroe.. I wish I could feel like before..I wish I could FEEL love in my heart...I feel like theres a wall between my head and my heart...and im confused about my feelings for everything...I really dont know what to do anymore...:(
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Comments
Wish you the best of luck sweetheart!
I just wish I could fall asleep and then wakeup w/ having everything fixed
Are you having counselling as well as medication? If not you should request some. Can you not talk to your mum or a close friend about how you are feeling in the meantime? The fact that you have sought help is a really good and brave step forward.
Plus as you are feeling anger, you are at least feeling something, and as you address why you are angry and let it all out you will begin to feel better, or at least less confused.
We have a stack of info on depression and treatments in our mental health special which you may want to read too.
Take care of you, and remember the boards are always here if you need to talk to someone. I'm sure there are several other users who can relate to the way you are feeling...
Susie
Yeah, I can talk to my mom about anything concerning this..I allready have...A LOT... She went through tthe same thing at my age....I didnt find out until I told her what I have felt and still feel and what I'm thinking and everything...She sais she understands and she'll say that she'll get me back on my feet and I'll be my self again.. She took a medical leave of absence from her job so she can stay home with me and go places with me and everything.. I'm really lucky to have a mom like that..She's great..
I just...even when I do laugh, which is very rare right now, it seems so fake and just....empty...I dont understand...It's wednesday right now...I want my new medicine SO BAD...I'm starting to think that I never loved anyone...that I never felt those good things...I'm so just...Tired of everything...
Even when My mom would hug me or something I just push away cause it just..it doesnt feel good..at all.. I want it to so much.. Even when I see couple hugging or kissing, before Id be like "Damn, that's so great...I cant wait till J visits me...It'l be so amazing.." etc etc...Now when I see couples doing that or something it has no affect on me...instead it just hurts...Everything hurts...I dont get it anymore...
I really don't want this messing up my relationships with everybody...Thats the most important thing to me..
I know I could talk to my bf 24/7 right now if he had access to everything and if he wasnt working...along w/ the situation he's in right now...Cause he has always been there for me...We both love eachother dearly...And can someone help me just like...Not focus on the negative things about everybody? Like, "Oh, he/she never called me back..."... BS like that....
I'm sorry this is so long... I have so mady moodswings I think I'm going crazy or something...>I dont know no more, this is starting to feel all normal to me..:(
I wish I could be of more help to you but I really don't know what to suggest, you have got help and that's a good thing, you;re going the right way, I can't promise you everything will be fine, that would be lying, chances are you will always be slightly depressed, sometimes it isn't fully cureable, but it is to an extent, so I can therefore assure you that things will get better, if you need to talk to me then I'm on MSN as chaos_insomniac@hotmail.com , on yahoo as chaos_insomniac and on ICQ search for chaos_insomniac . I have to go now unfortunately, my sister has to use the PC for coursework, but I can be there for you as much as you need, when I see you you can have my number if you feel you need to talk, I will do my best to be here for you no matter what, I don't want to see anything bad happen to anyone becuase of depression, I'm depressed now and it isn't exactly a barrel of laughs.
I'm gonna go off on my own to mope in self pity now, remember what I said, I will do my best to be there for you when you need it, and things will get better, take care, jon. XoX
well things are just shit right now...
I feel no love at all in my heart...i dont know what the fuck I'm going to do..I dont know if I love anyone/anything at all anymore...
I dont understand why this is happening...I feel like shit...
Everything really seems fuckin hopeless...
Maybe I was never supposed to love...I dont know wtf...
I just hope w/ my new meds, whenever ill get 'em...that ill feel love..
I dont know what to do anymore...
I can't blame my boyfriend for being extremely busy and I dont blame him...for the entire situation...
But I hope I didnt scare him away...
I dont know what to do anymore. My father broke down infront of me last night becasue of whats been happening to me..so did my mom...
I was completely dead last night...I didnt blink, I didnt move or talk at all....Everything is such a fuckin mess.
I'm starting to think that maybe God is punishing me or something..
Cause i stopped going to church or reading the Bible...But I do talk to him...I just hope this isnt the way its supposed to be..
I want to love...I want to forgive...I want things to be better....:(
I just wanted to say, i don't have all the answers but i do know one thing. you WILL get better & start feeling these feeling again, it just takes time.
I'm struggling with depression myself at the moment & it's hard.
Please just hang in there, you will be on the mend before you know it. Its very hard up & down on the pills etc..but worth it in the long run.
If you want to talk im here. Pm me if you want or just need to get things off your chest.
Take care.
Last night, because I hit an alltime low, my mom canceled her appointments w/ my teachers, and we didnt bother to wait 'till 2morrow to get the bloodwork done (to see if my liver was okay again)..so we went this morning to get my bloodwork done...I hope my doctor can see me today...or tomorrow..
My mom sais that he should of put me on Paxil...but I dont know about the symptoms... She sais she never had any, except when she was getting off that pill...
I really dont care...
I dont care if I get headaches or neasea...I just want to feel the same again...
God does work in weird ways....I've begged him over and over for me not to worry and be depressed and all of that...
I just want my meds...
Ive been buggin my mom 24/7 "I want my pill."
I want all of this to be over...
What really pisses me off is that my brother dont understand...Not at all..Last night when I was totally numb and not talking to anybody, my mom started crying cause she was just upset that I'm going through this, and he started screaming at me "Natalia, wtf, youre making mom cry." he told me to snap out of it, and that it was a bunch of bullshit...That just broke me.. My mom told me to ignore him...but that made me feel like shit...Like it was my fault for all of this..
If he only fucking knew how this felt like...Ive tried for MONTHS to fix my self, to "snap out of it"... If it was only easier said than done...
:mad:
You can't just snap out of it. If only it was that easy. You can try to help yourself though ive found. When i feel partically bad i go for a little walk or just get into the fresh air. I really don't feel like it but know it will help.
I found out that Monday that ill be going for an app. w/ my doctor...so then I'll FINALLY get my meds...
He also said that ill have some counceling...=\
I honestly just want my meds to get better...
I hate feeling like this..
thnx...I hope so...
Today I went to the doctors and he gave me a new drug....i forgot the name..its something with a W....
I wanna take it already
If all your GP is doing is brushing you off with anti-depressants then its a start, but I would enquire about counselling. Its worth it, God knows Im benefitting from it. Its stopped me cutting myself badly, anyway.
PM if you want a natter, Im sure I could be of assistance being a cutter and suffering from BPD and all that crap...