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Depression?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Ok ive read the couple of depression posts and im pretty sure that I am depressed to some degree but I feel sort of scared to actually admit it.
Symptoms:
Feel constantly down (feelings of helplessness/hopelessness). The only thing that can keep my mind off of the past and sometimes suicide, is working really hard and just doing anything I can to keep my mind occupied.
Regularly (almost every night) dream about suicide or dying in some capacity. Quite often think about self-harm (used to do it a couple of years ago but am just about managing to stop myself from doing it atm)
I don't feel like I have any real friends despite talking to alot of people at work and when I was out saturday night I saw alot of people from work who quite happily greeted me, I want to think like they're friends but in the past my friends have just stabbed me in the back so I don't wana think them to be friends otherwise I will prolly trust them even less that I do now.
I don't think that i`m ever going to be really happy. I don't see a future with me getting a girlfriend and all that marriage and kids stuff. It seems that working to be a manager at Tesco (yes I know, but there have been quite a few managers say I could do it) is the only thing that I will ever achieve.
I've just finished a 2 years BTEC ND in Computing and am certain that I have failed and there's no way I`m going back to college.
It seems that nothing that happens around me really affects me emotionally. My nan was hospitalised recently, and I just really didn't care.
I assumed until recently that it was just hormones or something, but people around me have been asking me alot if im alright lately and I`m just wondering if maybe its something more than that.
I didn't have the hardest life but it wasn't easy. When I was 10 my six-week old nephew was nearly killed by his father, Bastard A (Sister A's boyfriend). When he got out of prison about 2 months later, he started going out with Sister B.
They conflicted quite badly with Sister A and she eventually moved back to Portsmouth with her boyfriend (who is now her husband and father of her other 3 children).
Sister B has had 3 children with Bastard A and all three (girls) have been adopted because she won't leave him and the courts say he is still dangerous. She is pregnant again with a fourth child, which neither me or my parents are having anything to do with cos it`ll just get taken away like the other three.
Between the above, my grandad and uncle died and I was constantly bullied (and I mean every day) from beginning of Junior School through to the end of Secondary School, which has made me very distrusting of others to the extent where I don't trust anyone. This also makes it quite difficult to form relationships.
I've always thought of myself as, well, pretty ugly. Recently women seem to be showing more interest in me (from saying they fancied me to just compliments like saying i`m cute, or nice, etc) and I just feel that the main thing standing in the way of the vague possibility of happiness is the extreme feelings of instability and mistrust I have.
I`d feel like a prick going to see the Doctor about this as I've never particularly liked or trusted doctors.
I was just hoping that maybe some of you people out there could maybe offer advice other than going to the doctor, like what helped you get over depression and/or the uncertainties I have described above.
I feel like an idiot for typing all this out and asking complete strangers for advice, but I don't trust anyone who knows me and this has just been dwelling on my mind for far too long.
Symptoms:
Feel constantly down (feelings of helplessness/hopelessness). The only thing that can keep my mind off of the past and sometimes suicide, is working really hard and just doing anything I can to keep my mind occupied.
Regularly (almost every night) dream about suicide or dying in some capacity. Quite often think about self-harm (used to do it a couple of years ago but am just about managing to stop myself from doing it atm)
I don't feel like I have any real friends despite talking to alot of people at work and when I was out saturday night I saw alot of people from work who quite happily greeted me, I want to think like they're friends but in the past my friends have just stabbed me in the back so I don't wana think them to be friends otherwise I will prolly trust them even less that I do now.
I don't think that i`m ever going to be really happy. I don't see a future with me getting a girlfriend and all that marriage and kids stuff. It seems that working to be a manager at Tesco (yes I know, but there have been quite a few managers say I could do it) is the only thing that I will ever achieve.
I've just finished a 2 years BTEC ND in Computing and am certain that I have failed and there's no way I`m going back to college.
It seems that nothing that happens around me really affects me emotionally. My nan was hospitalised recently, and I just really didn't care.
I assumed until recently that it was just hormones or something, but people around me have been asking me alot if im alright lately and I`m just wondering if maybe its something more than that.
I didn't have the hardest life but it wasn't easy. When I was 10 my six-week old nephew was nearly killed by his father, Bastard A (Sister A's boyfriend). When he got out of prison about 2 months later, he started going out with Sister B.
They conflicted quite badly with Sister A and she eventually moved back to Portsmouth with her boyfriend (who is now her husband and father of her other 3 children).
Sister B has had 3 children with Bastard A and all three (girls) have been adopted because she won't leave him and the courts say he is still dangerous. She is pregnant again with a fourth child, which neither me or my parents are having anything to do with cos it`ll just get taken away like the other three.
Between the above, my grandad and uncle died and I was constantly bullied (and I mean every day) from beginning of Junior School through to the end of Secondary School, which has made me very distrusting of others to the extent where I don't trust anyone. This also makes it quite difficult to form relationships.
I've always thought of myself as, well, pretty ugly. Recently women seem to be showing more interest in me (from saying they fancied me to just compliments like saying i`m cute, or nice, etc) and I just feel that the main thing standing in the way of the vague possibility of happiness is the extreme feelings of instability and mistrust I have.
I`d feel like a prick going to see the Doctor about this as I've never particularly liked or trusted doctors.
I was just hoping that maybe some of you people out there could maybe offer advice other than going to the doctor, like what helped you get over depression and/or the uncertainties I have described above.
I feel like an idiot for typing all this out and asking complete strangers for advice, but I don't trust anyone who knows me and this has just been dwelling on my mind for far too long.
0
Comments
Here is information from thesites mental health special about breaking free from depression, if thats what you have.
But i would recommend a visit to the doctors, and put aside your dislike of them, because like i said they are there to help.
Hope i've helped a little
Luv Tek-ila
xxx
I`ll go to the doctor if you do
Talyn, you sound very stressed out and in need of some support. Print out this page, and take it with you to the docs. Find a doctor you like at your local surgery, younger GPs are often pretty clued up.
And Tek-ila, same goes for you. Go on, it's worth making the effort.
if u cant talk to a teacher just talk to sum1 it helps alot i havent told him everything about the situation he just thinks im stressed but in time i am gona tell him
please just tal to sum1
hope this helps u
Now back at home, my doctor is useless, and tells me to get over it. He's the only doctor at the practice, and there's no other practice in the area which is taking new patients.
Any ideas about what else I could do?
I`m still contemplating going to the doctors myself. Been going out more lately and been realising that my lack of confidence (plus my less than happy demeanour) is really screwing up my pulling opportunities.
Good luck Matthew82