A couple songs I wrote 🎵

Seventeen and it feels like the world’s on fast-forward

Smiling in the mirror like I’m fine, I’m okay

But the cracks in the glass give my heart away

Keeping my words quiet, nodding my head, “yeah I’m fine”

Carrying dreams on my back like they’re not even mine

Afraid of falling, afraid of the climb

Running out of breath but I’m racing time

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And they say “these are the best years of your life”

But they don’t see me wide awake at night

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I’m just seventeen, stuck in-between

Who I am and who I’m supposed to be

Scared to lose, scared to disappoint

Feeling like I’m breaking at the joints

But I’m still here, even when the light feels gone

Hands shaking, heart aching, trying to hold on

Yeah I’m trying… I’m trying to hold on

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Expectations stack up like towers of stone

I’m surrounded by people but I feel so alone

Everyone’s talking about plans they’ve made

And I’m drowning in questions I’m scared to say

Some days I’m heavy, some days I’m light

Some days I’m loud, some days I’m barely there

I laugh in the light then I cry when I’m alone

It’s hard to be strong when you feel so unknown

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I'm pretending I’ve got it all planned

But I’m just a kid trying to understand

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I’m just seventeen, stuck in-between

Who I am and who I’m supposed to be

Scared to lose, scared to disappoint

Feeling like I’m breaking at the joints

But I’m still here, even when the light feels gone

Hands shaking, heart aching, trying to hold on

Yeah I’m trying… I’m trying to hold on

-

Maybe it’s okay not to have it all right

Maybe it’s brave to make it through the night

Maybe my heart’s still learning its song

Maybe being lost is how you move on

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I’m just seventeen, and that’s enough

Learning how to love myself when it’s tough

Still scared to lose, scared to disappoint

But maybe I don’t have to prove a point

‘Cause I’m still here, even when the light feels gone

Still breathing, still believing, I can hold on

Yeah I’m trying… and I’m gonna try to hold on

I wake up in a body that remembers

Every scream I tried to lock away

Flashbacks crawl like ghosts through my veins

Turn daylight into something unsafe

My head’s a war I never enlisted in

But I’m fighting it every night

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I’m stuck reliving moments I survived

While the world keeps telling me I’m fine

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I hate that I can’t control it

Hate I can’t shut it down

I’d give anything for silence

For one calm, steady sound

But I smile through the shaking

Say I’m doing okay

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I’m burning in a living hell

And I act like I’m not in pain

Struggling, but you’ll never tell

I wear my strength like a spell

Hold it together, don’t let it show

No one needs to know this hell

-

I’m screaming behind my skin

But my lips never fail

I’m breaking every single day

Struggling, but you’ll never tell

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My mind hits rewind without warning

I’m there again, I can’t escape

Even sleep won’t give me mercy

They haunt me in nightmares I can’t wake

Eyes closed but I’m wide awake

-

Heart pounding, drenched in fear

Morning comes but nothing fades

It follows me year by year

I run but I’m always cornered

By memories I never chose

-

There’s no safe place left inside me

No lock strong enough to close

I hate that I’m trapped in moments

That already stole their toll

I survived but lost control

Of my body and my soul

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I’m scared of what would happen

If I let the truth spill out

If they saw how bad it hurts

If they heard the thoughts I drown

So I swallow every tremor

Every tear that wants to fall

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I hold myself together

By pretending I don’t feel it all

Struggling, but you’ll never tell

I’ve mastered hiding it well

Laugh at the right times, stand up straight

Even when I’m unwell

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I carry this weight alone

Play my part, never fail

I’m surviving minute by minute

Struggling… but you’ll never tell

I packed up my childhood in boxes of dust

All the pictures are fading, the frames gather rust

There were lullabies once, now they echo like ghosts

And the girl that I was feels the furthest from home

I grew up too early, the clock ran ahead

Learned to swallow my thunder, and smile instead

The years I can’t touch without feeling the burn

Some pages I folded and never returned

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I laugh in the daylight, I break in the dusk

I hold it together, oh mustn't I just

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I’ve lost so much I can’t count on my hands

Pieces of me are like falling sand

Lost my innocence, it was stolen from me

Lost the ones I loved most in such a tragedy,

Lost her voice in the home, and the warmth of her laugh

Lost the light I used to carry within

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Monday to Wednesday I sit in my seat

Take notes, make jokes, keep my mask neat

Thursday and Friday I’m gentle and strong

For little hands learning their very first songs

They see my soft voice, not the cracks in my chest

They don’t feel the nights where I get no rest

I hold tiny worlds while mine falls apart

Taping the seams of my quiet heart

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I joke in the daylight, I shake when it’s night

Nobody sees when I’m losing the fight

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I’ve lost so much I can’t count on my hands

Pieces of me are like falling sand

Lost childhood summers, the colour of trust

Lost the “one day” dreams, now they’re covered in dust

Lost the map that once led me back in

Now I wake up and face the same storm at seventeen

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There are names I wont say because they ache in my throat

There are words I wont write in the margins of notes

There are nights when my heart is louder than sound

And I fall apart softly when no one’s around

But somewhere inside, where the hurt lives and hides

There’s a flicker that, refuses to die

I’m not who I was, and I’m not who I’ll be

But I’m still here and that still counts as me

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I’ve lost so much I can’t count on my hands

But I’m learning to stand in the shifting sand

Lost my innocence, and so much I knew

Lost the girl in the mirror, but she’s fighting through

Carrying stories stitched under my skin

I wake up each day to just go back in

Seventeen, walking paths no one sees

With a smile for the world… and a heart that still bleeds

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I’ll carry the losses, but they’re not all I am

I’m more than the silence I learned to withstand

And even on days when the light won’t break through

I’m breathing, I’m here and that still counts too