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tw// sh. i feel like im not gd enough.
eylah
Community Connector Posts: 10,886 An Original Mixlorian
i feel like im not gd enough for anything. i always try my best at helping ppl even when im not doing so well myself but. ppl always take my support for granted. ( not on here dw ). i will always support ppl no matter what circumstances i am in but. when ppl ask me for help but then wont appreciate my support it rly frustrates me bc i put all my effort into supporting ppl but it just gets unappreciated which makes me feel like a rly shit person bc i obviously aren’t gd at supporting ppl if they aren’t appreciative of it.
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i am trying my best despite everything that is going on in my life n having to deal with everything on my own it does get rly difficult sometimes bc looking after myself n having to look after my own flat it does get time consuming n sometimes it just feels like what the fuck. n why am i doing this at my age. but i carry on n i try to push through despite everything not feeling like im getting anywhere in my life which sucks.
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i am 1 month n 3 weeks free from sh which i wanted to add bc despite having lows in my life i also have positives to. bc despite having nobody around me currently who is a supportive person. i have managed to get to 1 month n 3 weeks free from sh which im rly proud of bc thats a huge thing for me.
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i hope my mum is proud of me up in heaven bc i feel like i arent making her proud even though i am trying my best to make her proud every day. despite all my challenges i just want her to be proud of me up there.
Comments
hey… i’m really glad you shared this, because it says a lot about you — and honestly, none of it points to you being “not good enough.”
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the fact that you keep showing up for people, even when you’re struggling yourself — it shows how strong and caring you are. the problem isn’t that you’re not good at supporting others… it’s that some people don’t know how to appreciate what they’re given. that’s on them, not you.
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and the way you’re holding everything together — looking after yourself, your flat, pushing through even when it feels overwhelming — that’s not nothing. that’s actually a huge amount for anyone, especially when you feel like you’re doing it alone. it makes sense that sometimes you think “what the fuck am i doing” — anyone in your position would feel that way. but the fact you keep going anyway? that’s strength, even if it doesn’t feel like it.
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also… 1 month and 3 weeks free from sh is incredible. seriously. that’s not a small thing, that’s something you fought for every single day. even on your worst days, you’re still choosing to keep going, and that matters more than you probably realise. you deserve to feel proud of that.
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Your mum would be very proud of you — from everything you’ve said, you’re trying your best, you’re being kind to others, you’re surviving through really hard things, and you’re still pushing forward. if she could see you, i don’t think she’d be disappointed at all. i think she’d be proud of how hard you’re trying, even when it’s tough.
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you’re not “shit” at supporting people. you’re someone who gives a lot, maybe even too much, and doesn’t always get it back. and you deserve people in your life who see that and value it.
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you don’t have to carry everything on your own, even if it feels like you are right now. and you don’t have to prove your worth by constantly giving to others either — you already have it.
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i’m really proud of you for keeping going. i mean that.
thankyou @Lottie5433 . i appreciate you replying to me. ill reply properly tmr if thats ok. 🤍
@eylah i'm speaking entirely truthfully and honestly here. You are not only good enough, but your genuinely one of the kindest people in the world, and the most supportive. And i'll tell you why. Even when faced with an extremely triggering situation, you stayed around, despite the impact it was having on you, because you wanted to be there and support them regardless, and didn't want anybody to be without support. You've stuck up for me and have been there no end of times for me, and have always supported anybody who needed support despite going through so much pain yourself. You are an amazingly kind person.
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The people who you support who don't appreciate it and treat you the way they do, don't deserve your support at all. The fact your there and supporting them, say's everything about you being a kind hearted person, and the way they treat you says everything about them. Please don't think there shitty treatment of you and their unappreciative actions and words, means anything about you as a person or the support you give.
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I've seen the support you've given to everyone on here, and i can promise you that your genuinely amazing at support. Don't let anybody ever tell you otherwise, and i think everybody on here would agree with me on that.
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I know your going through so many battles, on so many fronts, from mental health, to looking after your own place, and everything else, and it must be so overwhelming. I know this might not mean a lot, but i'm incredibly proud of you. We all are.
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And well done 1000 times over for being SH free for such a long time. That's geniunely amazing, and we're all so incredibly proud of you. I'm sending you a virutal hug, cause you absolutely deserve it. And you deserve to have support always.
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And from a neutral perspective, i think your mum is incredibly proud of you. Sticking up for others, supporting others, being so kind towards everyone. That's an amazing person right there, and there isn't a single doubt in my mind that any mum would be incredibly proud of you and of who you are.
@Nathan . if it’s ok ill reply properly tmr if that’s ok. 🤍
@eylah of course it's okay my favourite twat
@eylah
To echo what people have said the support you have offered countless individuals on here demonstrates how much of a kind soul you are. The time you have given to support others is so honourable and anyone would be proud of a friend who provides that to others.
I hear how other's lack of appreciation for your support has left you questioning your worth. It can be so difficult to detach how we feel about ourselves from other's responses to us. However it is important to remember that their lack of appreciation reflects their ability, energy and space to show gratitude and does not reflect the quality of support you have given them.
I hear how frustrating it can be when they don't appreciate your support. Do you think it might be helpful to set barriers of how much time you spend supporting these individuals?
As much as it is lovely thing to support others we also deserve to protect our own wellbeing ❤️
Also congratulations on being sh free for 1 month and 3 weeks that is such an incredible achievement. I am so proud of you.
thankyou @Lottie5433 . @Nathan . n @Blue_lily .
you’re all right. ppl not appreciating my support isn’t a relfection on me n i rly appreciate everyone of you replying back to me n saying rly sweet n kind things abt me bc they have rly made me happy.
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im in a rly big dilema bc the girl who i reported concern for welfare yesterday. she has stated some rly triggering n concerning things to me n i am stuck on what to do as her friend n bc i am a human being.
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i want to set boundaries on supporting ppl but when they bring up reasons y they wont ring for help it rly puts me in a tricky situation bc all i can do is concern for welfare but. it rly is draining me.
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all i do is try help ppl. sharing coping mechanisms n sharing my experiences. but when ppl share these type of things to me every single day it rly gets exhausting.
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i am just abt to make my tea n have a chilled evening but i am stuck on what to do for this person.
@eylah That sounds so crushing and emotionally exhausting. I can't imagine how much this has been weighing on you, trying to be a good friend to them, whilst struggling with safety concerns for them. It's a horrible situation to be in.
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I think you can still be someone's friend, still be supportive of them, but also lay down some limits with them for the future. "This is my red line, if there's concern, i will do a welfare check, and these are triggering topics for me" for example. A welfare check is not an act of betrayal, it's an act of care from you, and you shouldn't be there sole source of support. It might be worth giving them some anonymous helplines perhaps, to expand the support they have available.
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There are things that people just can't carry alone sometimes if that makes sense. And it's not fair on you to be their whole support system for heavy triggering topics, because that's too much for anybody. Even therapists and professionals have to have time to decompress from it all, where as it seems like such a constant thing for you without a break from it all, and that's not good for your mental health, with how heavy this is.
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Your allowed to look after yourself as well here. You are allowed to have a break from having to support people 24/7, because you'll get burnout if not. And you deserve to be able to focus your energy on yourself, and have that very same kindness that you give to others.
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Sorry if this doesn't make much sense or sounds like rambling.
thankyou @Nathan . i have given a list of helplines n coping mechanisms etc. but this person doesn’t seem to want to use them. im fed up of ringing welfare checks. bc it doesn’t just impact other ppl it impacts me to. so im gonna set boundaries with this girl bc it’s getting ridiculous.
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im abt to make myself some dinner n then play some gta n then go to sleep bc its been an exhausting day.
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thankyou so much again my favourite twat for the ongoing support you give me. it rly is appreciated n i appreciate you n ur kindness bc i dont rly have anyone to talk to abt how i feel n i rly appreciate you. 🤗
@eylah I'm really glad your setting bounderies, because your mental health matters too. You've given so much support, offered multiple helplines, and done so much, it's okay to step back from it all.
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I'm glad your able to chill out for the rest of the day, you deserve a rest from this all. And i'm just giving you the same kindness you give to me and so many others my favourite twat, cause you honestly deserve that kindness and more back. I'll always be here to listen to you about whatever you want, whenever you want, friend.
@Nathan you wouldnt believe it. someone else just msged me saying they’re fed up etc.
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sry but im not the person where ppl come to every day to offload n where ppl think its okay to just tell me if they want to hurt themselves etc like thats not ok. i offer support but im not a therapist. im a person who has their own shit going on n now im actually getting fed up of ppl. might just block ppl tbh.
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i hope you’re okay nathan. im here for you 🤗 yeah im abt to put my chips n pie on then have a cosy night. :)
@eylah The way you care for others, even when life is tough for you, shows what an incredibly kind and compassionate person you are. Even if people don’t always show appreciation, that doesn’t take away from the love and care you give and their lack of gratitude or thoughtfulness says everything about them, not about you.You make so many of us smile here and the support you give touches people makes such a difference and that is something special.
Looking after yourself, your home, and everything in your life all on your own is a lot to carry and your feelings are completely understandable. The fact that you keep going is a testament to your strength and resilience and even if it doesn’t always feel like progress, every small step you take matters.
The milestone you’ve reached of being 1 month and 3 weeks free from SH is amazing. We are so proud of you. Even in the midst of hard times, you’ve kept choosing yourself and that is so brave and meaningful.
And I think your mum absolutely would be proud of you and every small step you take, she’s there in spirit smiling and cheering you on.
You’ve already done so much for this person, and it makes absolute sense that you feel exhausted. The fact that you’ve shared coping mechanisms, helplines, and even made welfare calls shows just how deeply you care, and that’s not something everyone could do. You can still care for this person as a friend while protecting your own wellbeing.
You can continue being kind and supportive in ways that feel sustainable for you, as you have done already such as by sending helplines, encouraging professional help, or checking in in small ways but once you’ve given guidance and options, it’s okay to let the rest be up to them and how they respond doesn’t diminish your kindness or worth in any way. Taking care of yourself helps you recharge so you can continue your life and stay strong, safe and healthy without burning out.
It is completely understandable to feel fed up and overwhelmed . It’s more than okay to protect your space and your wellbeing. You deserve to have space to breathe, to relax, to enjoy your evenings, and to focus on yourself without feeling guilty. I hope you all have a great rest of the day.