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TW Mentions of self harm, suicidal thoughts & ED - Struggling with mental health and university
amybee7
Posts: 2 Newbie
Hello everyone, this is my first post here so please forgive me if there’s anything wrong with the post :)
Im a third year university student with severe OCD, depression and anxiety. I am severely struggling and am overwhelmed with the course and my mental health. I am so burnt out to the point where I can’t leave my bed for days on end and I can’t get any work done.
I hate my projects and am so behind/ stuck on all my work since my course tutors are horrible and keep telling me to change my projects last minute, even though they know my situation and that I’m incapable of the workload they give. They have no compassion towards what I’m struggling with, which is understandable since I know everybody has their own problems and things to deal with.
But I now have no motivation anymore. Pausing my studies is absolutely not an option for me since I’m so close to finishing in June and graduating in July and it would be a waste of money and time. I’m physically counting down the days until uni ends but it feels endless.
In my second year, I was the complete opposite to how I am now, I had straight As, a top student, great mental health and was overall incredibly happy. I usually try to have a positive outlook on things but now it’s completely gone. I now keep comparing myself to others and myself last year which is making me feel so disappointed and hopeless.
I can feel myself falling back into the same mental place as when I was a few years ago when I was self harming, suicidal, severely depressed and had an eating disorder. My OCD is becoming incredibly unbearable due to ruminating and constant overthinking.
I have no friends at uni or back at home due to bullying, I’m completely alone here and go days without physically speaking to someone. I’m almost 4 hours away from home and I do call my mum everyday since she’s the only one who understands, but this makes me feel like such a burden since my family is going through some really tough times. I really want to go home but can’t due to my course being very practical and ‘in person oriented’.
I’ve spoken to my GP and they prescribed light medication but it isn’t really helping. I’m currently on the waitlist for CBT but it will take months. I also speak to the unis mental health service but there’s not much they can do since they also have a long waitlist. I call samaritans and text shout everyday since being alone with my thoughts for too long is genuinely terrifying.
But I feel no progress, i’m completely hopeless, i can’t eat or sleep properly anymore due to panicking about the workload. I’m so afraid of my thoughts and I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m now starting to get afraid of myself.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated, I just wanted to vent since I’ve been keeping it in my head for months and I can feel I’m reaching breaking point. :(
Comments
Hi @amybee7 thanks for sharing this and welcome to The Mix. It sounds like you're dealing with a lot right now and you deserve to feel heard and supported. It sounds like you were doing okay with university for a while but now are struggling with workload and your mental health - you've reached out to your GP and your university's mental health team. It takes a lot of effort to reach out for support so you should be proud of yourself for doing that. It is a huge step.
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I will be reaching out to you via DM to check in with you further.
hi @amibee7 that was so brave of you to post! And I understand where you are coming from I am a post grad uni student now and the same thing happened to me in my third year I reached a point where I questioned so much and trust me I know how hard it is to reach out for that support but it is incredible what you are doing so far be proud of yourself for that! I know it’s challenging but take it from someone who has been in your position it does get easier I promise and I am here for you if you want to talk ☺️🤗
Hi @SopSHJ546, thank you for your kind words, it’s nice to know that somebody has been through a similar situation and made it through:) At the moment, I guess i’m just struggling to see how everything gets easier, I can’t seem to see past these current issues and it’s so demotivating. How did you manage when things were tough in uni? :)