Anybody want to vent or chat about anything? (Triggering stuff edition) w/c 12.01.26

Leyla · January 12

This is a space to chat or vent about things which you think may be more triggering for the Community but still want to get off your chest.

Every Monday morning we will close the thread and start a new one so we have a fresh one each week. If you'd like to check out this week's venting thread that isn't triggering, click here.

Lottie5433 · January 13

(From other thread)

Lottie5433 wrote: »

I’m so anxious right now. I have another appointment with the DBT lady just to go through demographics, risk assessment, care plan and something else that I can’t remember. Once I’ve done this I should be starting the pre-treatment sessions before I decide to go for DBT fully.
I think I’m only nervous and anxious about it currently is because I’ve had a text saying the appointment is Wednesday at 12:00 and then an email with the teams link saying 9:30 on Tuesday.
I’ve got too much anxiety to phone and ask for clarification though so idk what I’m going to do

So turns out I have 2 appointments.
I had one today which was about conducting a risk assessment and my care plan for when I start DBT. Then tomorrow I start pre treatment.

Today’s appointment went well but like not a lot has changed off my risk assessment so I felt like it was a bit pointless. Although I didn’t tell the full truth as I was asked when I last sh’d and I said the other day when actually it was this morning but I didn’t want to tell her that. I’m not looking forward to tomorrows appointment because I have to go through my crisis plan but also start talking about some of the things mentioned today like my reckless driving, my suicidal thoughts etc. I just don’t want her to notice my sh because then she’ll get concerned just like the nurse was when I was getting bloods done for the eating disorder when she saw new ones. I don’t want that to happen again.
I just don’t want to go to this appointment tomorrow. Like it’s causing a lot of anxiety but also I’ll have to go home to drop my dog off before I go and I don’t want to go back home because I had an argument with my mum today which spiked the urge to sh.
I just don’t know what to do at all

Verity · January 13

Hey @Lottie5433 thanks for sharing how you are feeling, the mixed messages about your appointments and finding out there are two must be overwhelming, I’m sure the worry of talking about such difficult things is a lot. It’s a shame that today’s appointment felt a bit pointless and thanks for being so honest with your experience. I understand that you don’t want attention drawn to certain things, especially when you felt exposed before. The argument with your mum on top of this must be really hard, you are carrying a lot at once but we are here to support you.

Can I ask what feels like the hardest part of tomorrow’s appointment? Is there anything that might make the appointment feel slightly safer or more manageable? You don’t have to have everything figured out tonight.

Lottie5433 · January 14

Hi @Verity sorry it’s a late response I slept most of yesterday after my appointment as I was struggling mentally.

finding out there are two must be overwhelming, I’m sure the worry of talking about such difficult things is a lot

finding out I had two appointments yesterday was overwhelming because I was never told about them until Monday when the text and the email came through. The worry about talking about such difficult things is a lot, like she did praise me yesterday for talking about some of the things briefly and then asked how it made me feel, so I guess that was good.

The argument with your mum on top of this must be really hard, you are carrying a lot at once but we are here to support you.

the argument with my mum was hard and like she doesn’t get that shouting at me just makes me more closed in and less likely to talk about anything. Like after I took my dog for a walk and then went to mine and my partners and stayed there all day, like I haven’t been home at all in the last 24hrs and I don’t want to go back at all but I know I have to before my appointment today. I’m just hoping some distance has helped a bit.

Can I ask what feels like the hardest part of tomorrow’s appointment?

I guess the hardest part about the appointment today is that I have to begin to talk about things like my emotions and my behaviours like the self harm, suicidal thoughts/actions, and the dissociation. Which I don’t really want to talk about yet because I never know what to say and my last therapist (who was for an eating disorder) was never understanding and underplayed how I was feeling etc. so I don’t want that to happen again. But then it’s also like I have to go through my crisis plan and It includes planing for the worst case which is being admitted and working out what I’ll need to help with a stay if I ever get admitted. Then there is talking about all the other things in that and working out what helps me and what others can do to help which I never know the answer to

Is there anything that might make the appointment feel slightly safer or more manageable?

well hopefully we are in the same room as last week, she said she’d try and get the same room so it feels safer and reduces my hypervigilance as I would already know the room. She also took note that I might benefit from having fidget toys just so I have something for my hands to do other wise I’m fidgety but also help me ground myself as well.

I just don’t like the idea of going and talking about all this, I’ve been dealing with it for years and then had to wait 8 months to even begin DBT maybe I can go my whole life without help and just live like this

Verity · January 14

Hey @Lottie5433 it's a long proccess that can be hard to get through, if you feel the the end outcome could be helpful, it sounds like a great thing to do for yourself, even with all the challenges the process brings.

How did the appointment go today if you feel comfortable sharing? I hope finding the room wasn't too much of a hassle, and what a great idea to bring fidget toys!

Also, you mentioned visiting your mum before the appoitment which I know might be tricky as you had the argument, we're here to listen if you wanted to discuss that.

Lottie5433 · January 14

Hi @Verity, thank you again for the comment.
Yeah it may be a long process but I think it will be helpful and beneficial in the hopes that I don’t have to rely on negative behaviours so much. I just know I’m going to struggle to maintain the motivation to do 12months of this whole process.

The appointment went okay today, we didn’t go through the crisis plan like we said we would, she said she’d send me a template of one so I can get ideas and will look at doing it next week in session. We then just went through the work book of DBT pre-treatment and spoke about some of the things in there. I was late though so the session was as long as it should be really. The positive was she didn’t pick up on me hiding my self harm although I did keep pulling my jumper down over my hands. It was lucky that the room was the same as last time although I did notice some changes to the room which I was focussing on but yeah that was good.

I don’t end up seeing my mum, as she was out when I got home so I just dropped off my dog and sat upstairs doing my hair before heading off to the session. Just got to go back tonight to get my dog and then have to see my parents tomorrow as I’m taking my dad to the hospital so yeah hopefully things have blown over by then if not I’ll just bottle things up and just not talk

Anybody want to vent or chat about anything? (Triggering stuff edition) w/c 12.01.26

Comments