I feel powerless and defeated [TW- Abuse and hopelessness]

Its been almost a year since I moved back home and nothing seems to be getting better, I don't think things ever do. My mother emotionally abused me my whole life, I grew up depressed and anxious. Now even my expressions trigger her, its like she can read my thoughts. She says I am always sad, I am jealous of my brother's girlfriend, even threatened to take my life today. She abused me, I defended myself she got angrier. My dad stopped the fight. I have been taking anti depressants since a few months on my counsellor's advice, I got medical help, have been in therapy since last seven years hoping if I make change from within my external environment and situation will change too. I moved three countries, tried my best to get away from all this because I wanted to be in an environment where abuse, shaming, yelling, silence is not the norm. Where people understand, love each other and are kind to each other. Such a world doesn't exist. My best friend betrayed me when I needed her the most, my best friend back home got scared of my emotional state, I didn't even cry in front of her or tell her much. Just told her I am having a hard time at home due to my mother. I guess she got scared by the look on my face. Even my counsellor got burned out working with me and stopped responding. Things don't change, they get worse and worse. I am absolutely broken now, my arm is broken have had an injury as I slipped and fell. I have to wear a cast for two weeks. Every attempt at making things better backfires at me.



I have had hormonal issues, get viral infection every month, eye infection every month, low iron levels. Is life this bad for everyone or am I being dramatic? Even the anti depressants don't work anymore, when you are told every day, you are nothing, no one wants you. Therapy doesn't benefit anymore. There is no solution, people leave because there is too much pain. Its been almost 2.5 years now like this. Does it ever get better? My dad thinks I have too much attitude because I refuse to speak to him or don't feel like talking to him. He just asks me to adjust, and wants to feel needed. But when I actually need his help, he refuses straightaway. My younger brother who lives in Belgium threatened to hurt me too because I called him out when he was constantly teasing me in a patronising way. There is no way out, no way out. Is life this painful for everyone else too? I thought therapy, healing practices, working on yourself and your goals make things better, heal you and help to be more compassionate. But what if your external environment just never changes despite your best efforts? I do not have the strength anymore to keep fighting.