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TW Strong language & suicidal thoughts: I’m a horrible and selfish person

bignosegirly0bignosegirly0 Posts: 434 Listening Ear
edited October 17 in Health & Wellbeing
I make life worse for everyone
I make everything more difficult
I ruin everything for everyone
I make people miserable
I don’t think about the consequences, even if i didn’t intend to cause harm, I always do
I always hurt everyone unintentionally
I always forget everything
I make the world a horrible place
I’m selfish and irredeemable
I am unworthy of forgiveness because I always make horrible mistakes that ruins everything for everyone
I do not deserve to be in this world
Everyone’s life would be better off without me
I am a disgusting person
I am a god awful person
I am from hell
I make life a living hell for everyone
I make everyone unhappy
I am a spoilt brat
I do not deserve to be alive
My existence is a fucking horrible mistake
I should have never been born
My family could have lived a happier life without me
I make my family’s life a permanent hell
Post edited by Leyla on

Comments

  • RedemptionRedemption Community Connector Posts: 5,785 Part of The Furniture
    @bignosegirly0 I know it might feel like that but I know you have been struggling so much and when we are struggling, feeling horrible, hurting etc, it makes us feel like this but you are amazing. I promise you, no matter what has happened you aren't any of this even though it may feel like it.
  • LeylaLeyla Community Manager Posts: 423 Listening Ear
    Hey BigNoseGirly, I have just added a TW and tweaked a couple of things - hope that's all okay!

    I can hear just how strong this self-hatred is at the moment for you and that can be such a horrible feeling to sit with, and can almost feel inescapable at times. I wonder if there is anything which made you feel like this today in particular, and how you might be feeling after sleeping on these thoughts? Thank you for letting us into these strong feelings
  • bignosegirly0bignosegirly0 Posts: 434 Listening Ear
    @Leyla i feel like I’ve been annoying people recently. And I hate how often I do it. Thankfully I feel better now.
  • Sian321Sian321 Community Manager Posts: 2,795 Boards Guru
    Hey @bignosegirly0 , how are you doing today? I wanted to check in. You said that you feel like you've been annoying people, and that sounds really hard. What has made you feel that way, and I wonder if this has been with anyone in particular?

    We're here to listen without judgement, and your feelings deserve to be heard.
  • bignosegirly0bignosegirly0 Posts: 434 Listening Ear
    @Sian321 sorry for the late response. I’m not doing great. I realised that I’m becoming stupider everyday, which is likely due to me being overly stressed and depressed for so long. My brain feels so foggy to the point where I’m not fully paying attention and I either make mistakes or incorrect statements, to which people respond by telling me off, giving me a funny look or talking to me in a unsatisfied tone. It’s mainly my coworkers.
  • 63marie63marie Posts: 77 Budding Regular
    I'm sorry to hear you've been feeling these things. I just wanted to say you matter and we all care about you <3 How have you been the last few days?
  • bignosegirly0bignosegirly0 Posts: 434 Listening Ear
    @63marie ive been up and down, but better than how I felt during this post.
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