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Being a young carer and feeling overwhelmed
RisingTiger
Posts: 3 Newbie
Hi, I’m a carer for my mum, sister, and brother.
It can be really stressful sometimes, especially because my little sister is waiting to be diagnosed with autism and ADHD, which makes things even harder. Caring for her and my mum, who became disabled after suffering a stroke, can feel overwhelming.
On top of that, my parents recently split up after being together for 20 years, which has been difficult for me to get used to.
I’m hoping to connect with others who understand what it’s like to be a young carer and maybe get some advice or support.
It can be really stressful sometimes, especially because my little sister is waiting to be diagnosed with autism and ADHD, which makes things even harder. Caring for her and my mum, who became disabled after suffering a stroke, can feel overwhelming.
On top of that, my parents recently split up after being together for 20 years, which has been difficult for me to get used to.
I’m hoping to connect with others who understand what it’s like to be a young carer and maybe get some advice or support.
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I can imagine being a young carer for your mum, sister and brother comes with a lot of challenges, and it sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now. I'm hearing your parents recently split up after being together 20 years and I can imagine that must feel really strange and maybe hard to wrap your head around if all you've ever known is them being together.
You've done a really courageous thing by reaching out here for support and we're definitely here to listen to you in a non-judgmental space. I wonder how have you been coping with all of this so far? Have you found anything that helps ground you in moments where you're feeling overwhelmed with it all?
I'll also pop a few organisations down below who support young carers:
Mobilise offer support for unpaid carers aged 18 and over. They offer free personalised advice and one to one support through their carers coaching calls, where you can talk about what is important to you. You can connect with other carers on most working days with ‘Mobilise Cuppa’ video calls or by joining their Facebook community. They also offer practical help and advice around a number of different issues related to caring such as completing a carers assessment, the carers allowance, wills and trusts and emergency planning. You can visit their website https://www.mobiliseonline.co.uk/
Carers UK provide information, support and advice to carers around a range of subjects relating to caring. For information and advice they have a helpline open Mondays to Fridays 9am-6pm on 0808 808 7777. You can also get in touch with them via email advice@carersuk.org, or fill out the query form on their website. You can find details of your local carers' organisation on their website. For information for young carers you can go to https://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advice/practical-support/support-for-young-carers/
@RisingTiger I'm not sure if this helps, but this is part of my story, to show that i understand what your going through. I was a full time carer for my severely autistic younger brother from the age of 11. His autism is the severe type, so even now, at age 18, he cannot speak, cannot comprehend words, is not toilet trained, requires round the clock care and only makes random animal noises and wooing noises. He was also prone to aggressive headbanging episodes growing up and attacking my mum who is frail. And he was a big chap, with no concept of morality, as it's too complex for him to comprehend. So i spent my life being a bodyguard to my mum, and a carer for him. I'd block his charges at my mum and hold him back from her. Times he got to her before i could stop him, i had to pull him off her. To get an idea of it, when i was 13, i wanted to try and have a lie in on a Saturday, and within 5 minutes, my brother had attacked my mum. She had locked herself in the bathroom for her safety, and i raced downstairs hearing the noise of my mum crying and him trying to get to her in the bathroom. Consider the fact that meltdowns were daily, and could go from 0 to 100, and you get a good idea of my life as a carer growing up, and i was abandoned by the system entirely at every stage, even punished by it at some points. So i really do know the toll that being a young carer takes, and if you ever want to talk about things, i really do understand mate. If there's anything you want advice on, anything you need support with, just tag me.
Also mate, i just want to check, do you have any sort of break where you can sit back, and not have that responsibility for a short while? One of the issues i had, as it was just me and my mum and my brother, is that as meltdowns could kick off at any point, there was no break, no letting my guard down, and just staying on alert. And that took it's toll over the years, and eventually, it led to regular burnout, which eventually lead to a mental breakdown. One thing i just want to make sure is your aware of the fact that you do need to break, you are human, and it's critical that you can have some timeout from this. I don't want you to go through what i did.
About your parents, I can't offer any advice about your parents, as my dad was violent and abusive before he left/ got removed by police, and wasn't too present anyway, so i don't fully understand how that feels to have loving parents who were both a stable source split up, but i want you to know that i really do sympathise with you as best i can. Losing that small bit of stability in an otherwise chaotic world can really have a toll, and your mum suffering a stroke must be beyond painful.
I'm here if you ever want to talk mate.
I get what you mean about the system abandoning you. We had a social worker and she was also someone who helped families and she never done anything nor listened to what I was saying. I was then put through to many young carers groups for support but I was left by some and the others I never heard back from, then there was other things too but yeah it’s shitty just being abandoned by everyone.
Being a carer, I don’t mind helping, I’m glad I can be there for my family. But it’s hard to live my own life and support my family at the same time. Over the years I’ve become more depressed, but I just push that aside to be here for everyone else. I know I have my own personal life and how bad I’m doing at the moment and over the years but others are more important.
Thank you for listening, I’m also here if you ever want to talk to!
we are all here for you to support you when you need it, or even just offer a bit of an escape and 'you-time' through the chats that happen here if you choose to (no pressure as always).
Sending hugs
Sinead