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I hate my job
TBQ_9
Posts: 5 Confirmed not a robot
in Work & Study
Hey, hope everyone is doing good. So long story, short, I started a job in June and have hated it the whole time. Having chronic mental health issues doesn't help, and I thought it wasn't going too badly as I was doing sort of okay. Now it's just got even worse. I've had a whole situation with my managers, and now I'm being labelled as disrespectful and having an attitude problem. Again, long story short, I couldn't work one day because I wasn't going to be in my hometown, I physically was not there. I told them this, giving them a month's notice to find a solution. Bare in mind we are short staffed, but according to managers we have enough staff (we don't). It's such a terrible company to work for, they are all patronising and hypocritical, and you can't challenge them because they see it as disrespect and attitude. Basically, the whole situation ended up being my fault, and I now have a warning on my record (I don't care about this). My manager is going on and on about not dragging out this situation and just dropping it and moving forward, bare in mind this happened a week ago, but she also wants to have a meeting next week to discuss my issues with the company, as I said I didn't feel respected by them. Even though I said this out of anger and said to drop it, she won't. I am going to look for another job, but truthfully job-hopping and moving on to new jobs gives me so much anxiety that I feel like I need a few months out of work everytime I leave a job to fully reset myself, but people just don't understand this. And now actually being an adult (I'm 19 LOL), I'm just constantly told to get over it and grow up kinda thing. I know it probably sounds stupid, but work is draining me. If I have a day off and then work the next day, I will count down the hours knowing I have to go into work. At this point I will have to be the main source of income for my household. We've been on benefits my entire life (it's me, my mum and twin brother). My mum has been out of work for years, but knows she will need to try and go back to work soon. My brother is autistic (as am I), he is still currently in a form of education, they are also trying to help him with work placements to eventually get him into paid work. But I just don't know what to do. I literally can't see myself working full-time without having a breakdown a few weeks in, and I have no passion or love for anything anymore. I don't even know what I want for a career. Like I can't understand how people go their whole lives working and enjoying it. I have literally resorted to trying to earn money by playing games through an app, but to earn the full amount you have to reach ridiculous levels on these games and honestly it seems like it's going to end in disappointment. Sorry for the SUPER long message, but I literally don't know what to do anymore.
I hope someone takes the time to read this because I do REALLY appreciate any replies xxx
I hope someone takes the time to read this because I do REALLY appreciate any replies xxx
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Comments
It really sounds like you’ve been carrying so much, and it makes complete sense that you’re feeling drained and overwhelmed. I hear you saying that others tell you to 'get over it,' and there's that pressure to just 'grow up,' and I can imagine that feeling dismissive and isolating, because the stress of your job, patronizing and disrespectful treatment from managers, your mental health, and the pressure of supporting your family is a huge amount for anyone to hold, and its valid that you feel this way.
I can hear how exhausting it is to dread work so much that you’re counting down the hours, and how you can't see yourself working full-time without having a breakdown in a few weeks. I really hear the seriousness of just how intensive and pressuring this situation has been. May I ask, what do you imagine that breakdown would look like? Is this something you have perhaps experienced before, or felt yourself getting close to?
I wonder what kind of support you have had around your mental health recently outside of work too? Is there anything or anyone that tends to offer you some relief (even if only a tiny bit) when everything is piling up?
I hear you saying that you feel really unsure what to do next, where to go, or what kind of work might feel more meaningful and sustainable. There are so many questions, and you're coping with a lot of uncertainty it seems. That can be an emotional rollercoaster sometimes, and lonely too - holding all these questions on your own. You're doing so well to reach out here. I wonder, what have been some of the things that bring you enjoyment in the past? And when you picture a job that wouldn’t drain you, what comes to mind?
We're here and we're listening. I'll share some resources below for further 121 support also if you'd like to go deeper into the conversation:
https://www.samaritans.org/
I don't have any support for my mental health. I've had people suggest I go to a doctor, but I just feel like it wouldn't do anything. I don't want to be dependent on medication. I have nothing against it and I'm happy when it works for other people, but I feel like I won't stick to it, and won't be consistent. I know I have to put in the work to make myself better, but I just don't have the energy. I've recently become friends with someone of a similar age (through other family friends) and she is very sweet and a lovely person, but I tend to overshare too easily and I'm so tempted to just say "hey i need someone to talk to" kinda thing, but I don't know if she'll think it's weird. Like sure I have other people I could probably speak to, but I want to know that I've spoken to someone who actually listened, but overall I don't really have friends or anyone that I would really want to talk to because I just don't wanna be judged. And I know if they really cared they wouldn't judge me, but there's always that fear.
Honestly, I've given up on everything. The only things I really enjoy doing are art and craft, I've got into making t-shirts and a few other things and honestly the ideal thing would be to turn it into a business, I know it takes time and work to build up to something like that, but I also know it wouldn't be a sustainable, full-time thing. As a career I have no idea what I'd be able to do. I feel like working full-time would be so hard, because I start a job and feel ready for it, but then my mood can be so up and down and one day I'll be fine and the next day I can't function. I've always had a passion for criminology and law and all of the forensics and psychology within it, and I'd love to try and go to university for something like this, but the idea of uni and having to work at the same time to be able to afford to live just seems like too much to deal with, but then I don't want to be job hopping through retail for the rest of my life. I enjoy retail, I've tried hospitality and restaurants before and just couldn't hack it. My experience in a restaurant was really bad and okay not every experience will be like that, but I always have the fear that every job will feel the same with bad managers and no one understanding me.
I just feel like I'm stuck. Like I'm behind in life. My family can't afford to live, we have no savings, my mum has some debt, and although she doesn't direct it at me, I feel like when she mentions it, that she kind of wants me to step up, get a job, help pay for things. Which I understand, you have to pay for things as an adult, but always having that feeling that we're just gonna be in debt forever is horrible. Like if it was possible I would just pay off everything so we can start fresh and not have this worry with money, but I just can't work myself into the ground. I can't survive like this.