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Limerence. Attaching to people quickly.
unknowngirly777
Posts: 31 Boards Initiate
Hey everyone, its been absolutely ages seen I have been on here. I remember last time, I was talking about how toxic my partner was etc. I have now broken up with him and gone no-contact for a good couple months now. It feels good, but I do miss sometimes having someone I can confide in,
Now, whilst we are on this topic, I want to get something off my chest. I was at work, covering for someone for a while. I had my eyes on someone, a crush. I was friends with his friend. The 'crush' comes over with his friend, and we start talking. There is tension, he is asking me questions, he is giving me the impression that he is interested. We had banter. Gave me his social media. Then said he shouldn't have given it and deaded it off. Next day I see him at work, I was just being normal. He saw me on my lunch break and we had a little flirty conversation, and then he re=opens the conversation on text. He tells me how he has a girl. Then retracts his point and says 'I'm messing with you, I don't have a girl, but I am talking to someone.' So he's told me he is talking to someone, but still proceeds to talk to me flirty banter, and knows I like it, and I know he liked what I was saying too. He is upstairs, I am downstairs. There is tension over text. We agreed we were only talking to each other for entertainment.
But then skip to later, he said that 'our ideas of entertainment don't align.'
The question is, why cannot I not stop thinking about him. Is it the fact that he showed me THE SLIGHTEST bit of attention, when my ex was nothing but toxic to me for months. Why do I LOVE the chase of non-chalant people, why do I love when they pull me in closer to them with their flirty words, but then push me away so quickly. Why can I not accept affection? But still want to get to know someone?
I have so many 'why why why's.' I am so attracted to the way this guy spoke to me, despite him not even being the most good-looking in my eyes, despite him saying he is talking to someone else, despite him still not messaging me again after ending whatever the hell we had going on for 24 hours. WHY. Why am I becoming so attached. I am not going back to that workplace until another week and a bit. Everything is messing with my mind. I just don't know.
Now, whilst we are on this topic, I want to get something off my chest. I was at work, covering for someone for a while. I had my eyes on someone, a crush. I was friends with his friend. The 'crush' comes over with his friend, and we start talking. There is tension, he is asking me questions, he is giving me the impression that he is interested. We had banter. Gave me his social media. Then said he shouldn't have given it and deaded it off. Next day I see him at work, I was just being normal. He saw me on my lunch break and we had a little flirty conversation, and then he re=opens the conversation on text. He tells me how he has a girl. Then retracts his point and says 'I'm messing with you, I don't have a girl, but I am talking to someone.' So he's told me he is talking to someone, but still proceeds to talk to me flirty banter, and knows I like it, and I know he liked what I was saying too. He is upstairs, I am downstairs. There is tension over text. We agreed we were only talking to each other for entertainment.
But then skip to later, he said that 'our ideas of entertainment don't align.'
The question is, why cannot I not stop thinking about him. Is it the fact that he showed me THE SLIGHTEST bit of attention, when my ex was nothing but toxic to me for months. Why do I LOVE the chase of non-chalant people, why do I love when they pull me in closer to them with their flirty words, but then push me away so quickly. Why can I not accept affection? But still want to get to know someone?
I have so many 'why why why's.' I am so attracted to the way this guy spoke to me, despite him not even being the most good-looking in my eyes, despite him saying he is talking to someone else, despite him still not messaging me again after ending whatever the hell we had going on for 24 hours. WHY. Why am I becoming so attached. I am not going back to that workplace until another week and a bit. Everything is messing with my mind. I just don't know.
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Comments
You mentioned that there is a crush of yours at work who you have been texting and talking to, and it sounds like his communication has felt confusing at times - being flirty and forward in certain moments, and then almost back-tracking or sharing new information about having a girl or talking to other people. There's this push-and-pull dynamic that feels really, really enticing, but you're also conflicted because you're unsure why you tend to want to get to know someone more, rather than accepting the on-and-off affection as it is - have I heard that right?
I see what you're saying @unknowngirly777 and you're doing really well to talk about this. I get the sense that there's some self-frustration there maybe (?), or a feeling of, 'why can't I just feel X, Y, or Z? Why do I feel SO drawn to the chase of these nonchalant people?' And you're exploring these questions following your break-up with your ex too, reflecting on how toxic that relationship felt for you and getting curious about what's going on.
May I ask, what's the quality of that attached and 'chasing' feeling like for you? I wonder if it's exciting? Maybe there's a feeling of anxiety in there? Maybe there's a fear? A thrill? How would you describe that feeling of attachment towards your crush right now? And if that feeling could speak what might it say? - 'I want to be close? I'm having fun? I'm craving X, Y, Z?'
And also, what do you imagine getting to know him better might look or feel like? What would you want that to look like?
We're all here with you to listen! It can feel really overwhelming sometimes when we've got all these thoughts and questions racing through our heads, and are feelings for someone are intense. I wonder how you've been caring for yourself lately too? You're so deserving of plenty of kindness and self-compassion as you explore this and get to know yourself more!