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I'm sorry but I just need to say some stuff
Animalloverb
Posts: 241 Trailblazer
I am physically okay, but I am tired and in pain. However emotionally right now I feel like I am all over the place, if I had to some up my mood in one word it would probably me confused.
At work, well I only have one job since I got fired from my second one, which was just awful. That has left me feeling really emotional and fustrated. I am going back to studying in September which is exciting as I do love to learn but I am also scared, as it has been such a long time since I have done any if that.
In terms of relationships, my fiance is wonderful which I am greatful for. But my family relationships are difficult. Some of my family I have actually had to stop talking to because they said really hurtful thing, trying to manipulate me about my past abuse.
Health wise I am okay overall, though I have gone back to smoking which I know isn't the best for me.
There is just so much on my mind, thinking about the studying, finding another job, supporting someone because the system is failing them, struggling to sleep, dealing with awful intrusive thoughts, and just feeling genuinely down and overwhelmed.
I am aware of how overwhelmed I am but I am trying to push it away even though it feels like I am about to break.
At work, well I only have one job since I got fired from my second one, which was just awful. That has left me feeling really emotional and fustrated. I am going back to studying in September which is exciting as I do love to learn but I am also scared, as it has been such a long time since I have done any if that.
In terms of relationships, my fiance is wonderful which I am greatful for. But my family relationships are difficult. Some of my family I have actually had to stop talking to because they said really hurtful thing, trying to manipulate me about my past abuse.
Health wise I am okay overall, though I have gone back to smoking which I know isn't the best for me.
There is just so much on my mind, thinking about the studying, finding another job, supporting someone because the system is failing them, struggling to sleep, dealing with awful intrusive thoughts, and just feeling genuinely down and overwhelmed.
I am aware of how overwhelmed I am but I am trying to push it away even though it feels like I am about to break.
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Comments
No I haven't really told my fiance anything. I just don't want to be putting all of what I am struggling with onto her.
I will be fine.
You mentioned feeling physically tired and in pain, and that emotionally you feel all over the place, confused. That word 'confused' seems to really capture how mixed and heavy things are for you at the moment.
At work, losing your second job sounds like it left you feeling emotional and frustrated, and even though you still have your other job, there’s that weight of what happened. At the same time, you’re about to return to studying, which is something you describe as exciting because you love to learn, but also scary, because it’s been a long time. That makes so much sense. And that mix of excitement and fear seems to live side by side for you right now.
In relationships, you highlight your fiancé is so, so wonderful, and there’s a lot of gratitude there, but your family relationships sound much more painful. Having to stop talking to some of them after they said hurtful things and tried to manipulate you about your past abuse must feel like a deep loss, even if it was necessary for your well-being. How did it feel for you?
You also mentioned health which is “okay overall,” but noticing you’ve gone back to smoking, something you know isn’t the best for you. And then there’s the overwhelm and pressure of everything circling in your mind: studying, finding another job, supporting someone the system is failing, struggling with sleep, intrusive thoughts, and this general sense of being down and overwhelmed. You said you’re aware of how overwhelmed you are, but that you’re trying to push it away even though it feels like you might break.
Can I ask, when you say it feels like you’re about to break, what does 'breaking' look or feel like for you?
And when you try to push all of this away, what happens inside you? Does it quiet things down for a moment, or does it build up even more?
We're here and we're listening!
Having to stop talking to someone of my family was a really hard decision and it was hard to do, I had a good relationship with some of them but when they started saying those things it was just really affecting me and I just wasn't getting anywhere as they were constantly there reminding me.
It's a weird feeling to be honest, it's like my brain is so full of everything going on for me, even the things that I haven't talked about here yet and it's just like I am trying to pretend it is nothing when actually it's taking over every aspect of my life. And it's just im about to fall into an emotional wreck.
No it doesn't quiet anything down, it just makes it worse, it makes everything get louder.
I also do have a question but not too sure if it's one I should ask on threads or not.
Yeah okay thank you. It's nothing serious or anything, just a simple but probably question but not wanting to ask it in the wrong place.