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(Suicidal thoughts) I don’t enjoy being alive
bignosegirly0
Posts: 355 Listening Ear
I’ve tried everything to be hopeful for the future. But there’s nothing. There is no hope. There’s no escape except for suicide.
I can’t escape or quit my shitty job because I need money. My family doesn’t want me to quit my job because of the job market right now. I didn’t get accepted for one of the jobs I applied for.
I can’t escape my scumbag of coworkers/managers. I’m surrounded by pigs who don’t see me as equal because I’m not conventionally attractive. And I’m reminded of that every second, whether they’re targeting me or another unattractive female coworker/manager.
I have nothing to look forward to. I’d be better off dead. No one can save me. Not even my therapist has a solution because all the ones she offered hasn’t unfortunately worked. She’s very aware of how toxic my environment is, and has encouraged getting a new job or quitting. But nothing has worked. She’s aware of how trapped I am and we’re considering tackling feelings of unworthiness. But I reckon it will be difficult to tackle when I’m trapped in a workplace that reminds me of my unworthiness.
Life doesn’t seem enjoyable at the moment. I desperately want an escape, and suicide is my only option. The only issue is my family. I don’t want to ruin their lives, but my life is rotting away.
I have nothing to live for. No social life, because everyone there are pigs and when I do happen to get close to someone as a friend, they’re mocked for being around someone as ugly as me, so it never lasts. No love life, pretty self explanatory. Nothing. Nothing but inescapable feelings of melancholic unworthiness and hopelessness that can only be cured by suicide
I can’t escape or quit my shitty job because I need money. My family doesn’t want me to quit my job because of the job market right now. I didn’t get accepted for one of the jobs I applied for.
I can’t escape my scumbag of coworkers/managers. I’m surrounded by pigs who don’t see me as equal because I’m not conventionally attractive. And I’m reminded of that every second, whether they’re targeting me or another unattractive female coworker/manager.
I have nothing to look forward to. I’d be better off dead. No one can save me. Not even my therapist has a solution because all the ones she offered hasn’t unfortunately worked. She’s very aware of how toxic my environment is, and has encouraged getting a new job or quitting. But nothing has worked. She’s aware of how trapped I am and we’re considering tackling feelings of unworthiness. But I reckon it will be difficult to tackle when I’m trapped in a workplace that reminds me of my unworthiness.
Life doesn’t seem enjoyable at the moment. I desperately want an escape, and suicide is my only option. The only issue is my family. I don’t want to ruin their lives, but my life is rotting away.
I have nothing to live for. No social life, because everyone there are pigs and when I do happen to get close to someone as a friend, they’re mocked for being around someone as ugly as me, so it never lasts. No love life, pretty self explanatory. Nothing. Nothing but inescapable feelings of melancholic unworthiness and hopelessness that can only be cured by suicide
Post edited by Sian321 on
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Samaritans - https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/
Papyrus - https://www.papyrus-uk.org/
CALM - https://www.thecalmzone.net/
SHOUT 24/7 Text service - https://giveusashout.org/
Switchboard (LGBTQIA+) - https://switchboard.lgbt/
I just want to say that I am so glad you are here, you matter so much.
Sending you many virtual hugs.
I'll share below here a resource you could use to create your own safety plan if ever you wished to mark your coping tools in one place as a reference when the suicidal feelings get loud: https://stayingsafe.net/.