(Suicidal thoughts + self harm) my family doesn’t want me to quit my job

Comments

• Blue_lily Posts: 33 Boards Initiate

  August 22

  Hi @bignosegirly0
  
  I have just read you other post about how the guys at your work have been treating women based on their attractiveness. Your frustration and anger is really valid as their behaviour is both inappropriate for the work place and at the end of the day is blatantly unkind and shallow. This work environment sounds toxic, so it is understandable that it makes you want to quit. Have you been able to talk to some of the other women at your work place about their behaviour?
  - Sometimes there is strength in numbers when it comes to reporting these things. However I do understand that this may not necessarily be an easy option if the manager is one of the men behaving like this.
  
  You're wanting to escape is really valid, work shouldn't be the cause of so much distress and anger. Sometimes while we need a job to support our lives, if work is coming to the detriment of our health continuing on in the job is something that needs to be considered seriously, which I can see you are as you are looking elsewhere for jobs.
  
  I know you mentioned how you've debated leaving your job and that you have discussed this with you parents who suggested leaving wasn't potentially the best idea. However they also seem to acknowledge that the treatment at your work place isn't acceptable. Do you think you could have a more in depth conversation where you discuss alternative job options with them, as they may actually have some friends who need help baby sitting or other odd jobs that they would pay to have done, or was this already mentioned in your previous conversation with them?
  
  I hope your job hunting goes well.
  
  

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• Sian321 Community Manager Posts: 2,531 Boards Guru

  August 22

  Hey @bignosegirly0 , Thank you for letting us know you’re safe, though I hear the seriousness of what you're saying, and we care about your safety.
  
  I hear how deeply this job has been hurting you. It makes so much sense that you’d want an escape when it’s been making you miserable for so long. You've had to walk into that environment day-in and day-out and its been exhausting and so emotionally waring.
  
  I hear it's very, very frustrating that your family doesn’t fully get it. It sounds like you were left feeling like they didn't fully appreciate how desperate the situation feels from the inside, and I can imagine that being isolating. Thinking about conversations with your family, what might progress (not perfection) look like in this area? I wonder how aware they are of the impact the job is having on your mental health?
  
  You deserve to be in a place where you’re not constantly fighting just to get through the day. How else do you feel you might be able to give yourself a break from your workplace?
  
  While you’re in the middle of this, we're right here with you and we're listening. You're doing so well to be making posts, opening up to your counsellor, trying to talk to your family. I really see just how much you're trying to make a change for yourself.

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• bignosegirly0 Posts: 355 Listening Ear

  August 22

  @Blue_lily I’ve talked about their behaviour with other women in the past, which they also think is disgusting, but they forget about it the next day.
  
  Generally speaking, nothing gets resolved, even if you report it. I have a coworker who had a list of anonymous complaints which she planned to bring up to the business manager. Months later, our business manager was saying “why don’t you report these incidents”, to which she responded “when I do, nothing happens, so I walk away from it”. Generally, our workplace has let us down so many times that bringing up our complaints of mistreatment is useless. I brought up the same issues to the same business manager. Weeks later, the same mistreatment is still happening to different women.
  
  My family and I are constantly on the lookout for new jobs in this area. I live in a mostly area, which doesn’t offer too much opportunities. So the best I could do is look out and hope for the best.
  
  @Sian321 to me, progress is finally getting hired for a new job. I can’t talk to my family about my mental health issues, due to them reacting horribly in the past and generally not understanding me. So no, they’re not aware of how my job has really fucked up my mental health. Often during my break, I isolate myself by sitting outside where I don’t have to interact with my coworkers in the staff room. It can be very relaxing.

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• Sian321 Community Manager Posts: 2,531 Boards Guru

  August 23

  @bignosegirly0 , I see what you're saying, and that sounds really tough too for your family to have reacted negatively in the past when you've tried to open up about your mental health. I can imagine that might feel quite isolating?
  
  Taking yourself away from your co-workers on your break to get some relaxing time alone sounds like a really positive way to assert that boundary for yourself and get a bit of breathing space in the middle of a very stressful day. What do you usually like to do on that break? I wonder if there's anything such as reading a comforting book, or making a calming playlist perhaps that could help make that break feel even more grounding. I can imagine that being a relief in the middle of an intense day.
  
  Thank you for sharing too about your other colleagues experience and just how dismissed and ignored she's felt. Again, that sounds so horrible, and I really do see just how disheartening and frustrating it might be to be going through this treatment over, and over, only to have your management turn their heads. Again, that sounds isolating.
  
  I wonder if you've ever reached out to any Helplines or other organizations for advice about the situation at work, or if that's something you're interested in. I'll leave a few below which might be relevant:
  

  https://www.victimsupport.org.uk/help-and-support/how-we-can-help/
  https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/advice-for-life-situations-and-events/support-for-workplace-bullying/
  https://www.acas.org.uk/contact

  
  Thank you so much for what you're sharing @bignosegirly0 and we're here to listen and support you.
  

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• bignosegirly0 Posts: 355 Listening Ear

  August 23

  @Sian321 yeah, it is very isolating. I just usually enjoy my lunch whilst scrolling on my phone to distract myself.
  
  I’ve never heard of the source you’ve provided, but I’ll give it a look, thank you.

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