Anybody want to vent or chat about anything? (Triggering stuff edition) w/c 21.07.25

Leyla · July 21

This is a space to chat or vent about things which you think may be more triggering for the Community but still want to get off your chest.

Every Monday morning we will close the thread and start a new one so we have a fresh one each week. If you'd like to check out this week's venting thread that isn't triggering, click here.

DonnerKebab · July 21

This may not be on topic, but may i ask why one of my threads has been deleted entirely now?

Leyla · July 21

Hey @DonnerKebab I have just checked and this must have been accidentally done by someone, it was moved into one of our archives, but should be restored now. Super sorry about that and thank you for pointing it out because we wanted to keep these all public so everyone can see all the previous support they have received

eylah · July 21

my head is hurting so badly i just wanna cry.

Lottie5433 · July 21

Im sat outside in the cold crying about my own thoughts and what they want to do but my boyfriend is worrying me with his. He has his location off and isn't responding to me, he said he was having a panic attack and that he didnt want to be hwre anymore and I feel so useless right now

eylah · July 21

Lottie5433 wrote: »

Im sat outside in the cold crying about my own thoughts and what they want to do but my boyfriend is worrying me with his. He has his location off and isn't responding to me, he said he was having a panic attack and that he didnt want to be hwre anymore and I feel so useless right now

can you contact his family or friends? also look after yourself lottie.

are you safe?

Lottie5433 · July 21

I dont have any contacts for his family or his friends. He just told me he went and sat on a cliff but is at home now. Im telling him he needs to talk to someone but he won't.

Im safe though

Redemption · July 21

Im overwhelmed still

Redemption · July 22

There's been a bus accident not too far from me, the roof got ripped off and 17 plus people got injured, its made me worried about getting the bus myself they've slammed on the brakes multiple times when I was on. Also the crash that happened it was yesterday literally 5 minutes away from where I used to live and I got the bus yesterday so it could have been me if I lived there still.

I_yearn_for_bread · July 26

I'm in a much better spot now but when I was much worse of mentally I feel bad about myself with how many friendships I got into and was used because of my vulnerability/low self esteem. I suppose it's good I can see it clear as day now

Lottie5433 · July 26

I think everything is getting bad again.

I was inches away from relapsing with my SH both yesterday evening and this morning
I have what id use with me at work
my eating disorder voice is getting louder every day - its harder not to give in to it. Just avoiding everything around or associated with food
Yesterday and screwed up with my boyfriend (made him overthink which I dont want coz then he cries and doesn't tell me) so I recklessly drove home doing about 70/80 in wet conditions
part of me wishes i did crash or something then i cant mess anything else up
im scared to go to the pharmacy and pick up my medication
because then id have more at home
i just keep putting on a front like everything is fine just to avoid the 20 questions of how im feeling and that

Ive just had enough with everything

Sian321 · July 26

Hey @Lottie5433 , firstly, thank you so much for making this post and reaching out. It takes courage to put our feelings into words when we're afraid things are getting bad again, and all of here in Community are here to listen.

It sounds like yesterday you felt as though you had messed something up with your boyfriend, which led to a lot of very strong guilt and overwhelm, and urges to SH. Have I got that right?

You also mentioned driving recklessly and a part of you hoping you might come to harm. This sounds serious, Lottie, and I really hear just how intolerable those feelings of fearing you'd 'messed up' were - you wanted to put a stop to that feeling so, so badly, and you were afraid of complicating your relationship.

Can I ask, are you feeling able to keep yourself physically safe today, and how do you plan to do this? Would you be able to share any activities you have in mind today that could help you do this? Are you able to text your friend? Or to stay around your parents so you don't have to be physically alone? Already posting here has been a really positive step.

I also wonder how things are feeling with your boyfriend this morning too? We're here if you'd like to explore this, and no matter what has happened, you are so deserving of self-forgiveness here and compassion. You're a human being. This is your first time on Planet Earth too, and you're doing your very best. We're sending lots of care Lottie.

If you are feeling the urge to SH again or try to end your life, we would encourage you strongly to contact one of the following spaces for 1:1 support safety planning:

Samaritans - https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/
Papyrus - https://www.papyrus-uk.org/
CALM - https://www.thecalmzone.net/
SHOUT 24/7 Text service - https://giveusashout.org/

If you are considering acting on the plan you mentioned above (which I've edited in accordance with our Guidelines) we would also urge you to dial 999 or journey to your local A&E.

We'll keep an eye out for your reply.

Lottie5433 · July 26

Hi @Sian321, yesterday I did mess up (more if an evening when I was at his house) . The urges to SH happened of an afternoon- just in the shower and wanted to do it then. Then they became stronger of the late evening/early morning when I was driving home.

You also mentioned driving recklessly and a part of you hoping you might come to harm. This sounds serious, Lottie, and I really hear just how intolerable those feelings of fearing you'd 'messed up' were - you wanted to put a stop to that feeling so, so badly, and you were afraid of complicating your relationship.

Well yeah, I almost crash a few days ago and like most people it would scare them but for me it didnt. I didnt feel anything. Loke I told my boyfriend and he was worried that I almost crashed and wanted to know how it happened/almost happened.

Can I ask, are you feeling able to keep yourself physically safe today, and how do you plan to do this?

I kinda have to
If I do anything it will just prove im a failure and a disappointment to all. Then ill feel guilty and ashamed if it didnt work.

uld you be able to share any activities you have in mind today that could help you do this?

Well im working till 3pm then have to clean my room as its a mess because ive given up (how i know mental health is bad) then I dont know see what happens I guess.

Are you able to text your friend?

no shes been through enough i dont to add to anything. Im there to support her, she doesnt need to support me.

Or to stay around your parents so you don't have to be physically alone?

I live with my parents so other than going to work or to my boyfriends im around them. Although a wallow in my bedroom most of the time.

I also wonder how things are feeling with your boyfriend this morning too?

things are okay. He said he wasn't overthinking last night when I left but part of me beleives he did. I havent told him how im feeling apart from that my head hurts. I worried him coz he thoight I was purposfully hurting myself today. He also gave me paracetamol to take but dont want to. just going to deal with it and not take anything for it.

But yeah everything's fine

Sian321 · July 26

Hey @Lottie5433 , thank you so much for this. I will drop you a DM to explore further.

Anybody want to vent or chat about anything? (Triggering stuff edition) w/c 21.07.25

Comments