TW// Aftermath of a suicide attempt

River · July 20

So basically on Wednesday night I tried to end my life but I ended up waking up the next day so on Thursday I tried again which I knew something had happened as a consequence

Friday morning I was feeling so unwell and knew I needed an ambulance but I couldn’t call one out of fear so a friend ended up doing so for me. I felt so suffocated at home so I went to the local park (arrived there around 9:15am) close to my house where I was waiting for the ambulance which took awhile as they couldn’t find me so What 3 words helped with that. Whilst I was there

I ended up self harming badly as I was angry at myself

. The ambulance kept driving past me until NW ambulance team phoned me so I met them at the gates

Once the ambulance came they took me into the back where we had a chat about things, both paramedics were lovely with me and they were actually on NW ambulance show so I recognised them. The male one mainly did the talking whilst the lady did the observations. We had a proffesional chat and a personal one. They then gave me a few ideas on what they could do for me and so I told them I didn’t feel safe to go home due to what I had at home so they took me to hospital, on the way to the hospital the female paramedic took my temperature but it was that high that she had to do it on herself because she thought the machine was faulty 🤧

Once we got to the hospital they took me into the ambulance entrance which was weird and they got me checked in and left me there with the nurses where they gave me a blood test and ECG and then a nurse put me in A&E to wait for the doctor. My mum showed up which gosh wasn’t great she was annoyed and kept complaining 🥲 by this time it was about 1:20pm

I was then called in by a doctor at around 6:30pm where he did examinations and stuff and then went off to check the blood test results which cleared me medically I was then put back in the waiting room where we waiting till about 11pm and was finally called in by the crisis team, they was nice but didn’t really listen about risk and basically told my mum to remove certain things

they put it down to my CPTSD

Then I got sent home and arrived at home at midnight and pretty much went straight to bed 🥲

Whilst all this was happening the male paramedic had phoned my doctors asking for support for me and then the nurses phoned my doctors and they passed things on to each other. I am now waiting a multidisciplinary team meeting on the 5th August which I’m so scared for but everyone said it’s a good thing

At the moment it’s a bit like the calm after a storm 🥲 it’s weird but I honestly hate myself

This is now my 9th attempt 😔

I’ll have side effects for at least a week now which sucks but I suppose that’s the price I pay!

Sian321 · July 20

Hi @River, thank you so much for taking the time to make this post. It sounds like the last few days have been extremely distressing, overwhelming, and frightening at times, and such an emotional rollercoaster. It is so positive to hear that you are safe, and that you reached out to your friend to ask them to get an ambulance for you. That can take immense courage when you're in the middle of crisis, and it feels so powerful that you did that for yourself.

It sounds like you've had a lot of interactions with health and mental health professionals these last few days, from the ambulance team to doctors. And it's really positive too to hear that you've been met with a lot of kindness and had the chance to talk things through. You said that the Crisis Team left you feel unlistened to, which can be really upsetting. Which parts of your experience do you feel they were missing or failing to fully understand and grasp? I get the sense that them 'putting it down' to your CPTSD left you feeling a little overlooked? Please correct me if I'm hearing this wrong!

Thank you for letting us know about the meeting on the 5th August. It's so valid to feel daunted about that, as well as hoping it will be a positive thing. From your perspective, what would be the ideal outcome from that meeting would you say? It's also okay not to have the answers right now, or to not know!

Hope you can take things extra, extra slow these next few days River and be gentle with yourself. We're all here for you.

eylah · July 21

sending you so much hugs @River . im so sry you’re going through this. we’re here for you.

TW// Aftermath of a suicide attempt

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