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[TW self harm mention] i need advice
slovie
Posts: 17 Settling in
so to summarize my last discussion, basically i'm not allowed to see my closest friends until i get better from SH. i'm not allowed to contact them at all because they all happen to have a history of SH, and my parents + 2 medical professionals (who aren't therapists) say that this is better for me. in addition, i'm also getting my device privileges back, but it has to be monitored
the device thing isn't one of my main concerns to be honest, as i don't really have anything that could be used against me. i only play games and roleplay on my computer and phone. i'll get to how it affects me soon
however, i'm extremely anxious about losing my friends. besides my school friends (who are definitely not as close to me), i really don't have anybody besides them. they are my ride or die, the only people who i can fully open up to and truly be myself. i feel like i'll be worse without them since i can't just "find new friends." it's hard for me to socialize in general. on one hand, i get it since they just want to protect me from relapsing and having the urge to SH. on the other hand, they're more than just "my friends who SH." i can't even get over my ex properly, so imagine having to get over the only people who truly know what i'm going through
combined with my monitored devices and less privacy, i feel like i have to be more secretive. this isn't working at all. my urges are just stronger, i feel like i want to hide my SH better instead of fixing it, and i want to secretly talk to my friends. that's not what i want. i want to genuinely build my parents' trust back, but it's so hard for me to do so with all these factors
here's my dilemma: i want to talk to a therapist about this whenever i get one, but i'm afraid they'll say the same thing and not understand my perspective. should i bring it up with them and hope that they talk to my parents on my behalf? should i wait a little to get to know them before bringing it up? should i even bring it up at all?
edit: i want to add that i have talked to my parents about how this makes me feel, but ultimately they still haven't changed their stance. i was thinking that hearing my perspective from my therapist would help, but i'm not so sure
the device thing isn't one of my main concerns to be honest, as i don't really have anything that could be used against me. i only play games and roleplay on my computer and phone. i'll get to how it affects me soon
however, i'm extremely anxious about losing my friends. besides my school friends (who are definitely not as close to me), i really don't have anybody besides them. they are my ride or die, the only people who i can fully open up to and truly be myself. i feel like i'll be worse without them since i can't just "find new friends." it's hard for me to socialize in general. on one hand, i get it since they just want to protect me from relapsing and having the urge to SH. on the other hand, they're more than just "my friends who SH." i can't even get over my ex properly, so imagine having to get over the only people who truly know what i'm going through
combined with my monitored devices and less privacy, i feel like i have to be more secretive. this isn't working at all. my urges are just stronger, i feel like i want to hide my SH better instead of fixing it, and i want to secretly talk to my friends. that's not what i want. i want to genuinely build my parents' trust back, but it's so hard for me to do so with all these factors
here's my dilemma: i want to talk to a therapist about this whenever i get one, but i'm afraid they'll say the same thing and not understand my perspective. should i bring it up with them and hope that they talk to my parents on my behalf? should i wait a little to get to know them before bringing it up? should i even bring it up at all?
edit: i want to add that i have talked to my parents about how this makes me feel, but ultimately they still haven't changed their stance. i was thinking that hearing my perspective from my therapist would help, but i'm not so sure
Post edited by slovie on
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