Just been proved nothing I do is good enough ✌🏻

River · July 13

So the past couple of weeks I been cleaning and tidying the house for mum and she was paying me and I did loads but she kept messing it up after I did stuff so I was doing the same jobs over and over then today she was like your not doing it fast enough and I feel ripped off so I snapped and said “then don’t fucking pay me for the stuff I’ve already done then I guess” and walked off but what I wanted to say was “this is why most of the time I feel nothing I do is good enough”

River · July 13

Also found another sh object and relapsed but ain’t handing that over, I need it just to stay alive atm

DonnerKebab · July 13

@River just because your mum isn't recognising your work, it doesn't mean that your hard work doesn't exist. It doesn't mean your not good enough, and it doesn't mean anything other than that your mum is blind to it. The fact is, you do a good job, just for it to be messed up by others. That is others failings, not yours. I can relate a tiny bit, as i used to clean everything up just for everything the very next day to be undone. Sometimes faster with my younger brother. You're doing the best that you can, and i'm sorry it's not being seen.

I just want you to know, the job you were doing was good enough, that you are good enough, it's just that some people are rude fucking pies, mess things up, then complain about the mess they made. You shouldn't have to deal with that. I'm still super proud of you friend no matter what. Please be kind to yourself.

River · July 13

Thank you friend @DonnerKebab but I don’t know anymore just got anger at myself bubbling away trying to not relapse even more

I’m tired and fed up

DonnerKebab · July 13

River wrote: »

Thank you friend @DonnerKebab but I don’t know anymore just got anger at myself bubbling away trying to not relapse even more I’m tired and fed up

@River it's understandable feeling that way, but i want you to know, you shouldn't be angry at yourself. Relapsing is sometimes part of the journey. Obviously it isn't good, but think of it like a bit of a stumble on the road to recovery. Everybody stumbles from time to time, you're doing so incredibly well trying to resist relapsing even more. I know how hard your trying and that is part of why i'm proud of you.

Katie · July 13

River wrote: »

Also found another sh object and relapsed but ain’t handing that over, I need it just to stay alive atm

Hey @River I hear you've found another sh object and have relapsed. If you need medical attention then we encourage you to go to your GP or to dial NHS 111 for advice and support. Are you able to clean them yourself?

How are you feeling now after relapsing? What has today looked like for you?

I also wonder if you've tried any of the mobile apps that offer support for sh? I'll pop a couple down below:

There's a free mobile app called distrACT, it's available on the App Store (Apple) and Google Play (Android). The app gives you easy, quick, and discreet access to information and advice about self-harm and suicidal thoughts. The content has been created by doctors and experts in self-harming and suicide prevention. You can find out more here https://www.expertselfcare.com/distract/

There is a free mobile app called Calm Harm. You can get it on the App Store (Apple) or Google Play (Android). The app is designed to prevent people from urges to self-harm using these activities: Comfort, Distract, Express Yourself, Release, Random, and Breathe. You can find out more about it on https://calmharm.co.uk/

River · July 13

Hey @Katie

I don’t need any medical help at the moment, I am okay

I just want to scream and cry I need a break from shit, wish my mum would go out

Non of the apps work for me there useless

Katie · July 13

River wrote: »

Hey @Katie

I don’t need any medical help at the moment, I am okay

I just want to scream and cry I need a break from shit, wish my mum would go out

Non of the apps work for me there useless

Does your bedroom feel like a safe space @River or do you feel like you can't let your emotions out unless you're home alone?

I also wonder what taking a break would ideally look like for you? Your dream break perhaps?

River · July 13

@Katie have to be home alone or my mum has to be asleep to be able to 😕

I’m safe but just wish I could disappear, I hate weekends I always have really it’s six week holidays soon for my mum which gonna be horrible stuck at home like that

Katie · July 13

River wrote: »

@Katie have to be home alone or my mum has to be asleep to be able to 😕

I’m safe but just wish I could disappear, I hate weekends I always have really it’s six week holidays soon for my mum which gonna be horrible stuck at home like that

I hear you in wanting to disappear and maybe not having these thoughts or feelings for a little while. It sounds like maybe you're wanting a mental break away from it all to give yourself some rest and peace. Does that sound right?

I'm also hearing maybe some apprehension about the upcoming 6 week holidays and not knowing what you'll do during that time. Are there any ways you can get out during the holidays to have some time to yourself @River ? Maybe going on a walk and getting out the house?

River · July 13

Yeah @Katie nothing is helping me rest between insomnia and thoughts and my health 😕

We are going on holiday but we always clash when we are around each other to long last year it happened every day in the six week holidays 😕

Katie · July 14

River wrote: »

Yeah @Katie nothing is helping me rest between insomnia and thoughts and my health 😕

We are going on holiday but we always clash when we are around each other to long last year it happened every day in the six week holidays 😕

That sounds really exhausting @River - are there any other ways you're able to look after yourself and have some downtime? What are your favourite hobbies?

How long will you be going away for River? Whilst the idea of a holiday may sound lovely, I can understand it actually feeling a little bit worrying if you're concerned you're going to clash with your mum again. You're definitely right that being around people who have a different personality to you for too long can take away some of your energy and be tricky to be around. Will you have many opportunities to have some time apart or are you expecting it to be the same as last year?

Just been proved nothing I do is good enough ✌🏻

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