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Mental health sucks!!!!!! Please read this x
TBQ_9
Posts: 3 Newbie
So...........I did put up another post about me getting a new job. So far it's been a month and I hate it. I said I'd try and stay until the end of August, but I'm feeling like leaving at the end of July, which I know is really bad, but my mental health is getting so bad.
For more context, I was diagnosed with ASD January 2024, just after I turned 18 (I'm now 19, 20 in December). I've struggled with depression and anxiety since I was young (not been officially diagnosed, but it's there), around 10 years old when suicidal thoughts started and 12 when I started self-harming. For a few years I've thought that I have BPD, or recently I was talking to a friend and she brought up the fact it might be Bipolar, but trying to read information and decipher the two is kinda confusing.
From talking to my mum, I can tell she isn't entirely happy with the idea of me leaving this job, but she tries to act like it's okay, and sometimes she is genuine as if she knows how bad I'm hurting, but other times she seems annoyed. She does keep telling me I need to go to the doctor if I am going to leave this job, which I know I need to do, but I just don't know how to go about it. Like do I just say I need to make an appointment to talk about my mental health or what??? I know it's a stupid question, but these things just confuse me. I have also just re-applied for PIP, but I have a feeling I'll get denied...again. Especially as I don't really have any evidence for any of my mental health.
I just feel like I'm getting so behind in life. People tell me I'm only 19 and I'm young, but I feel like I've messed up so much of my life already that I'm running out of time. I can't even work to try and live comfortably, let alone save any money. My mum has struggled financially my whole life (not all her fault, she was left in a LOT of debt by my father, which she had to pay off) and I know she never wanted me to end up like her, but that's exactly what I'm doing. I have no money, no motivation, and I'm just proving to her more and more everyday what a disappointment I am. I just feel like the world isn't made for people like me.
What makes it even worse is the fact that my mum has 2 kids who both struggle. I have a twin brother who has ASD and was diagnosed at 4, so has had help his whole life, and is still receiving alternative education and support. But me being diagnosed a lot later, and a lot more of my issues occurring in adulthood, it was always expected that I'd be the one to step up and be the one who could work full-time or go to uni, but that isn't the case. I feel like everything is on me and I'm the one to blame. I've messed up my life so badly, but I don't know what to do.
Anyways, sorry it's a long one ❤️
For more context, I was diagnosed with ASD January 2024, just after I turned 18 (I'm now 19, 20 in December). I've struggled with depression and anxiety since I was young (not been officially diagnosed, but it's there), around 10 years old when suicidal thoughts started and 12 when I started self-harming. For a few years I've thought that I have BPD, or recently I was talking to a friend and she brought up the fact it might be Bipolar, but trying to read information and decipher the two is kinda confusing.
From talking to my mum, I can tell she isn't entirely happy with the idea of me leaving this job, but she tries to act like it's okay, and sometimes she is genuine as if she knows how bad I'm hurting, but other times she seems annoyed. She does keep telling me I need to go to the doctor if I am going to leave this job, which I know I need to do, but I just don't know how to go about it. Like do I just say I need to make an appointment to talk about my mental health or what??? I know it's a stupid question, but these things just confuse me. I have also just re-applied for PIP, but I have a feeling I'll get denied...again. Especially as I don't really have any evidence for any of my mental health.
I just feel like I'm getting so behind in life. People tell me I'm only 19 and I'm young, but I feel like I've messed up so much of my life already that I'm running out of time. I can't even work to try and live comfortably, let alone save any money. My mum has struggled financially my whole life (not all her fault, she was left in a LOT of debt by my father, which she had to pay off) and I know she never wanted me to end up like her, but that's exactly what I'm doing. I have no money, no motivation, and I'm just proving to her more and more everyday what a disappointment I am. I just feel like the world isn't made for people like me.
What makes it even worse is the fact that my mum has 2 kids who both struggle. I have a twin brother who has ASD and was diagnosed at 4, so has had help his whole life, and is still receiving alternative education and support. But me being diagnosed a lot later, and a lot more of my issues occurring in adulthood, it was always expected that I'd be the one to step up and be the one who could work full-time or go to uni, but that isn't the case. I feel like everything is on me and I'm the one to blame. I've messed up my life so badly, but I don't know what to do.
Anyways, sorry it's a long one ❤️
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Comments
I think I just replied to your other post but since this one has no responses yet, I’ll sat some more on this thread.
At the end of the day your mental health is always the most important thing – and if that job is only having a negative impact on you and you feel that you need to step away from it in order to protect your mind, then it can only be a good decision if you decide to take it. I know it may be a hard decision given you feel it to be disappointing your mum, but at least you have tried to stick it out for as long as you can. You’ve given it your best shot and that is all anyone can ask from you, and I’m sure you’d be able to find something else that hopefully is a better fit for you in the future.
As for the doctors appointment side of things, it can be as simple as ringing up and saying ‘I’d like to make an appointment about mental health struggles I’ve been having’. Alternatively I know some GP’s have the option to book appointments online through the NHS website/app where you fill a form, although I don’t know how long waits and things are or if it is even available for your local GP (but maybe worth exploring??)
It sounds like you’re feeling a lot of pressure at the moment too, with the expectations of being the one to ‘step up’ as you worded it. I think as much as your mum may have liked you to be the one at uni or full-time employment, I think her most important concern would be that you are happy and healthy first of all – the rest can fall into place when the time is right. I don’t think you have ‘messed up your life’ at all – it is just taking a bit of time to figure itself out. I know you definitely aren’t alone in feeling this way, both within the community here at The Mix, and in wider society. It is all just one big challenge of figuring things out. But we are all here for you and to support you however we can.
Sending hugs
Sinead
You asked about how you might be able to talk with a GP about your mental health, and I wanted to share this resource with you which offers top tips and tricks for that first appointment, and provides a place where you could pre-write out the information that you want to tell the doctor on the day: https://www.docready.org/#/home.
You mentioned that in the past you have coped with suicidal feelings and urges to SH, and recently too you've noticed depressed feelings and a lot of anxiety. That sounds like it could feel overwhelming, TBQ and you deserve all the support you wish for. When you feel depressed, what kind of thoughts tend to cross your mind? And can I check, are you having any thoughts of suicide or self-harm at the moment?
I will share below some spaces that might be helpful around this:
https://papyrus.orchahealth.com/en-GB/topic/managing-self-harm?&sortBy=AccreditationScoreDesc
Papyrus - https://www.papyrus-uk.org/
CALM - https://www.thecalmzone.net/
Day-to-day in some of the hardest moments at work or at home, what would you say are some activities that tend to help bring you a little bit of comfort?