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Don't want to go out
Redemption
Community Connector Posts: 4,598 The Mix Elder
I’ve been avoiding socialising with people from my course, and I’m not entirely sure why. Today they met up after the course session, but I didn’t go, even though I’ve already turned down similar invites. During the Euros last year, I kept rejecting invitations to the pub, and now I’ve declined meeting up with them twice more. The strange thing is, I do want to socialise at some point, but I never feel in a rush. I just end up staying at home. I think part of it comes from feeling overwhelmed and low in myself. Even though others on the course are in similar situations without jobs, they seem far more enthusiastic about meeting up. Because I cancelled so often last year, I pretty much lost those friends, and one even unfriended me. Now, even with the chance to make new friends, I still find myself holding back. I want to keep in touch with the people in my group, but I’ve been too scared to put myself out there properly. I’ve already declined hanging out twice and now feel hesitant about going, even though I know it would probably be good for me. It is frustrating because I feel like it would really help to make new friends, especially since I only have a small number as it is, but then I keep turning down potential opportunities to do that.
I also recently quit football. I was never really into it and the environment did not feel safe as some players were going in too hard and injuries were common. I did not want to be the next one hurt. So I think not going anymore is completely normal and if anything a good thing. It feels like I have finally been a bit assertive and spoken up for myself about not wanting to continue. The difference is with football I knew I did not want to carry on whereas with the course group I do want to keep some kind of connection. It is just the hesitation and fear that is stopping me and I am trying to understand why that keeps happening. Going to the pub and having a few drinks in moderation or going to get some food or a milkshake would not do any harm. But I just hesitate to go. I do not know if it is something deeper maybe social anxiety or something like that or if I just do not feel in the mood and want to stay at home. I think I am just an introvert. I do not really go out unless it is for course or job related stuff and not much beyond that.
I also recently quit football. I was never really into it and the environment did not feel safe as some players were going in too hard and injuries were common. I did not want to be the next one hurt. So I think not going anymore is completely normal and if anything a good thing. It feels like I have finally been a bit assertive and spoken up for myself about not wanting to continue. The difference is with football I knew I did not want to carry on whereas with the course group I do want to keep some kind of connection. It is just the hesitation and fear that is stopping me and I am trying to understand why that keeps happening. Going to the pub and having a few drinks in moderation or going to get some food or a milkshake would not do any harm. But I just hesitate to go. I do not know if it is something deeper maybe social anxiety or something like that or if I just do not feel in the mood and want to stay at home. I think I am just an introvert. I do not really go out unless it is for course or job related stuff and not much beyond that.
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Comments
Reading your post, it sounds like you have a lot of self-awareness around this, and you said that perhaps declining social invites happens too when you feel overwhelmed or low in yourself. That is so valid, Redemption, and it can be really tough to reach out and connect with others when, on the inside, we're struggling. Being introverted too is also very valid - needing that space and time alone to fully rest.
You said that you feel scared to put yourself out there properly. May I ask, what do you think that fear would say if it could speak? What is it worried might happen? How do you tend to feel in the course classes themselves when you're around the other people?
We're here for you and you're doing so well to notice, name, and explore this!
Hey @Sian321 Thank you, that really means a lot. I think you’re right it does feel harder to connect when I’m feeling low or unsure of myself. I guess I’m just trying to figure it all out and take small steps when I can. I guess I'm maybe scared of people laughing or judging me or saying something that might upset me especially as I can be sensitive atm. I feel like I could be third wheeling I guess, maybe scared ill get lost, maybe if I'm drinking im worried about drinking too much, might be money too. I've finished the course now but on my course I definitely felt anxious talking to people. I appreciate so much y'all here for me, thanks so much ❤️.