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What happened today đ TW// self harm heavy thread!!
River
Community Connector Posts: 4,443 Community Veteran
I had my final exam today and completely failed because Iâve been a complete wreck the past few days and wasnât in the right headspace. I spoke to Emma today and Janis gave me first aid and said âoh river (obviously replaced with my real name) there bad bless you, Iâve never seen things this bad for youâ she tied the bandages lightly and so it came off and I tried to find her but she was busy so had to go to reception and ask for security (first aiders) and the receptionist was trying to pry into why I needed first aid which I stood there uncomfortable and awkward and then the security guy said shall we go to a quiet place and so we did (took me to security room), he put new bandages on my arms and then said he had to report how bad it was đ« he then said âyou donât need an ambulance do youâ so I said âIâd rather notâ and then he was like do you need any resources because thatâs obviously self inflicted so I said no Iâm okay but he gave me that look of âim not convincedâ but he said I can always go back and ask for some resources (not that I will thatâs awkward)
I told Emma that Iâm not really eating and she gave me a concerned look.
I was in media but walked out after the ESW took me on a walk around the building to check in but I was feeling so overstimulated that I ended up leaving the lesson and didnât return, I saw Emma in the corridor and told her I walked out and she gave me a concerned look đ
The media teacher that is have on a Thursday saw me to and asked if I was okay because on absent forms I put mental health so think sheâs concerned, I didnât know what to tell her so I just nodded đ But inside I just wanted to scream that Iâm not
I canât face college tomorrow I only went in today for my exam and they were lucky that I even stayed the whole day. Maybe next week things will be easier đ not convincedâŠ
I told Emma that Iâm not really eating and she gave me a concerned look.
I was in media but walked out after the ESW took me on a walk around the building to check in but I was feeling so overstimulated that I ended up leaving the lesson and didnât return, I saw Emma in the corridor and told her I walked out and she gave me a concerned look đ
The media teacher that is have on a Thursday saw me to and asked if I was okay because on absent forms I put mental health so think sheâs concerned, I didnât know what to tell her so I just nodded đ But inside I just wanted to scream that Iâm not
I canât face college tomorrow I only went in today for my exam and they were lucky that I even stayed the whole day. Maybe next week things will be easier đ not convincedâŠ
Sometimes when the people most like you don't love you, it is a hurt that can cause the greatest pain, and this pain can lead you to hate everything.
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Comments
iâm really sorry itâs taken me a couple days to reply to this thread! im really proud of you for sharing this with us - you shared something heavy and real - thank you for trusting us with it.
reading all of this, well it just sounds like youâve been going through so much, mentally, emotionally, physically, and trying to keep it together at college, around staff, around friends. that is so much pressure, and itâs no wonder you felt completely wrecked going into that exam. it doesnât mean youâve failed as a person, it just means youâve been hurting, and exams donât wait for life to give you a break - whatever the outcome of the exam is, pls remember that exam & grade will NEVER define you river!
iâm really sorry about how uncomfortable that first aid situation sounded too. you were already vulnerable, and then having to explain yourself to people who may not fully get it, that must have been so awkward and exposing. i hope at least being in a quieter space with the security guy felt slightly safer, even if it was still a bit too much.
and the looks from emma and the teacher, i get how those well-meaning and concerned glances can feel strange, like youâre being seen but not really heard. youâre not invisible, but youâre also not being understood, not in the way you probably need right now. i hope you know that itâs ok that you walked out, itâs ok that you couldnât face the lesson and itâs ok that youâre not ok.
please keep reaching out, even if you think youâre being a burden - i promise you that youâre not though! i see you, and even if you donât believe it right now, you can get through this, but not by forcing yourself to do it alone. we are here, and you deserve support that feels safe and steady, no matter how awkward or difficult it is to ask for it.
youâre never alone river