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i dont want to be here anymore tw * im safe *

eylaheylah Posts: 7,789 Master Poster
in Health & Wellbeing
i rly dont want to be alive anymore but i have no choice. i have noone in my life to turn to im alone. i just complain 24/7 abt how i feel etc and ppl are just getting bored of me. i feel like im dealing with suicidal thoughts 24/7 and its rly pissing me off. i hate myself i hate my life i just don’t want to be alive anymore. but i feel like i have no choice but to continue fighting bc otherwise ill be seen as selfish. i dont know why im posting this but im just feeling like shit.

im safe i have no plans or anything idk if i want to reach out of not bc im not got any plans.
ppl dont always need advice. sometimes all they rly need is a hand to hold. an ear to listen. and a heart to understand them. 🧸
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Comments

  • AnonymousToeAnonymousToe Posts: 2,680 Boards Guru
    @eylah you are so sweet and kind. We’re all here for you here and we’re not bored of you. Sending hugs <3
  • eylaheylah Posts: 7,789 Master Poster
    woke up feeling like utter utter shit. i cba with anything anymore. ppl say they care abt me but im just selfish and don’t feel it. I’m safe i always have to be safe but i just i don’t know rly. dont bother replying to me bc it isnt needed. lol im just a selfish person
    ppl dont always need advice. sometimes all they rly need is a hand to hold. an ear to listen. and a heart to understand them. 🧸
  • toffuna101toffuna101 Posts: 2,704 Boards Guru
    eylah wrote: »
    woke up feeling like utter utter shit. i cba with anything anymore. ppl say they care abt me but im just selfish and don’t feel it. I’m safe i always have to be safe but i just i don’t know rly. dont bother replying to me bc it isnt needed. lol im just a selfish person

    @eylah youre not selfish, youre the opposite of selfish. you always look out for other people by checking up on them and making sure that theyre okay so we will do the same for you. i know things are shit at the moment but these negative thoughts will pass. remember you can always talk to me on the discussion boards when youre feeling low. i know that i cant use dms anymore to talk to you if need be but im glad we have the discussion boards so we can communicate with each other.
  • eylaheylah Posts: 7,789 Master Poster
    toffuna101 wrote: »
    eylah wrote: »
    woke up feeling like utter utter shit. i cba with anything anymore. ppl say they care abt me but im just selfish and don’t feel it. I’m safe i always have to be safe but i just i don’t know rly. dont bother replying to me bc it isnt needed. lol im just a selfish person

    @eylah youre not selfish, youre the opposite of selfish. you always look out for other people by checking up on them and making sure that theyre okay so we will do the same for you. i know things are shit at the moment but these negative thoughts will pass. remember you can always talk to me on the discussion boards when youre feeling low. i know that i cant use dms anymore to talk to you if need be but im glad we have the discussion boards so we can communicate with each other.

    thankyou. you didn’t have to reply to me bc i just complain 24/7 so i do apologise for that. thankyou for being kind <3
    ppl dont always need advice. sometimes all they rly need is a hand to hold. an ear to listen. and a heart to understand them. 🧸
  • toffuna101toffuna101 Posts: 2,704 Boards Guru
    eylah wrote: »
    toffuna101 wrote: »
    eylah wrote: »
    woke up feeling like utter utter shit. i cba with anything anymore. ppl say they care abt me but im just selfish and don’t feel it. I’m safe i always have to be safe but i just i don’t know rly. dont bother replying to me bc it isnt needed. lol im just a selfish person

    @eylah youre not selfish, youre the opposite of selfish. you always look out for other people by checking up on them and making sure that theyre okay so we will do the same for you. i know things are shit at the moment but these negative thoughts will pass. remember you can always talk to me on the discussion boards when youre feeling low. i know that i cant use dms anymore to talk to you if need be but im glad we have the discussion boards so we can communicate with each other.

    thankyou. you didn’t have to reply to me bc i just complain 24/7 so i do apologise for that. thankyou for being kind <3

    you dont have to apologise, youre struggling and its completely understandable. no problem <3
  • KatieKatie Community Manager Posts: 760 Part of The Mix Family
    Hey @eylah these sound like very real and tiring thoughts to be having 24/7 and just to echo what has been said by others here, we're not bored of you and reaching out for support isn't selfish. The Community are here for you to listen and support. It may feel like talking about the same things such as how you're doing may be repetitive, but it sounds like this is what you're living with everyday, and you deserve support for that. I hear that you are safe and have no plans. But can I check if this is the same today please Eylah?

    I can also really hear the frustration to be dealing with suicidal thoughts 24/7 and like they are constantly there. This sounds like a really exhausting battle Eylah but it really does show your strength that you are still here and fighting. Is there anything that helps you to keep on fighting when you're feeling like doing the opposite?

    I also wanted to check when you say you don't know whether to reach out or not, who is it you're debating on reaching out to Eylah?
  • eylaheylah Posts: 7,789 Master Poster
    hi @Katie im safe i don’t have any active suicidal thoughts. it was helplines bc i didn’t know if i wanted to reach out or not. bc of how i was treated last time i was debating whether to reach out again. but the reason why i am still is fighting is for my mum. bc she wouldn’t want me to join her up in heaven so soon so i feel like im fighting for her. thankyou for replying katie <3
    ppl dont always need advice. sometimes all they rly need is a hand to hold. an ear to listen. and a heart to understand them. 🧸
  • AnonymousToeAnonymousToe Posts: 2,680 Boards Guru
    Thinking of you @eylah <3
  • eylaheylah Posts: 7,789 Master Poster
    thankyou @AnonymousToe <3
    ppl dont always need advice. sometimes all they rly need is a hand to hold. an ear to listen. and a heart to understand them. 🧸
  • RedemptionRedemption Community Connector Posts: 4,326 Community Veteran
    Hey @eylah I just wanted to check how you are today?
  • eylaheylah Posts: 7,789 Master Poster
    im not ok. Im rly not i dont know what to do anymore. i am so sad and i am fucking done with everything. :heartbreak:
    ppl dont always need advice. sometimes all they rly need is a hand to hold. an ear to listen. and a heart to understand them. 🧸
  • Invisible_meInvisible_me Posts: 433 Listening Ear
    @eylah , we are here for you! I know it fels isolating for you now but we are here for you.
    Is there anything that you find helpful or brings yoy any comfort
  • eylaheylah Posts: 7,789 Master Poster
    Invisible_me wrote: »
    @eylah , we are here for you! I know it fels isolating for you now but we are here for you.
    Is there anything that you find helpful or brings yoy any comfort

    not rly bc i haven’t got any interests or anything. im just a boring person rly. :/
    ppl dont always need advice. sometimes all they rly need is a hand to hold. an ear to listen. and a heart to understand them. 🧸
  • RedemptionRedemption Community Connector Posts: 4,326 Community Veteran
    eylah wrote: »
    im not ok. Im rly not i dont know what to do anymore. i am so sad and i am fucking done with everything. :heartbreak:

    Im so sorry Eylah, we're all here for you no matter what ❤️
  • eylaheylah Posts: 7,789 Master Poster
    i just give up trying to get help bc i don’t deserve it at all so i give up. idk why im even on the mix bc i just make it a bad place. :/ i may as well just leave.
    ppl dont always need advice. sometimes all they rly need is a hand to hold. an ear to listen. and a heart to understand them. 🧸
  • shannon_164shannon_164 Community Connector Posts: 2,108 Boards Champion
    how you are feeling is so valid @eylah but i promise you that you DO deserve help and that you make the mix a much better place, we’re so so glad to have you around and so grateful for what you bring to the mix <3

    i’m here if you want to talk more right now!
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