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(TW suicidal thoughts) I’m not in control of my future

bignosegirly0bignosegirly0 Posts: 269 The Mix Regular
edited June 7 in Health & Wellbeing
I am terrified that I will become worse in the future.

It sounds dumb but I use astrology/spirituality as a coping mechanism to have something to believe in. I want to believe in a bright future ahead of me. Every information about me is so accurate, but the future. When you get posts like this “it’s Gemini season! Everything you’ve been stressing over is coming to an end! And you’ll finally find a new job, and love and blalala!” It never actually happens.

Every now and then, I’m convinced the universe is sending me signs to kill myself. I feel so hopeless
Post edited by Sian321 on
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Comments

  • eylaheylah Posts: 7,547 Master Poster
    how are you since you posted this? are you feeling able to keep safe from your suicidal thoughts? your wellbeing & safety matters. im always here for you no matter what <3 you matter so much!
    ppl dont always need advice. sometimes all they rly need is a hand to hold. an ear to listen. and a heart to understand them. 🧸
  • bignosegirly0bignosegirly0 Posts: 269 The Mix Regular
    @eylah I feel better than before, but I still feel depressed. I’m able to keep myself safe because I don’t want to ruin my family’s upcoming plans.
  • eylaheylah Posts: 7,547 Master Poster
    @bignosegirly0 im so glad to hear that you are able to keep yourself safe from suicide. remember if things get to much and you aren’t able to keep safe pls reach out to the relevant services who can support you and give you the immediate help. is there anything which you can distract yourself with? drawing, baking etc? <3 im here as always!
    ppl dont always need advice. sometimes all they rly need is a hand to hold. an ear to listen. and a heart to understand them. 🧸
  • bignosegirly0bignosegirly0 Posts: 269 The Mix Regular
    @eylah hiya I’ve got a lot of stuff to explain.

    As a starter, I was meant to receive counselling from the AXA Health website, as advised from an employee since our workplace is signed up to that program. However, I have many faults with it. First, I booked a video session, which I attend and was met with a blank screen for 20 minutes. The lady reached out to me, saying I didn’t attend. I responded back to her email, explaining I did and show a screenshot I took of the page. Haven’t heard nothing in days, so I will reach out to her through email again. If she doesn’t respond, then I’ll probably try another therapist on the site. Then I tried texting the company. They had a bot which asked for my personal details. Once I respond, I’m greeted with nothing. I’m not sure if it’s a really good website or not.

    My family pointed out that I’ve been crying for the past few days and wouldn’t stop asking me what’s wrong. I didn’t want to tell them that I wanted to kill myself, because they haven’t been understanding in the past. So I just simply say that I’m low about not finding a new job. They suggest I go to evening college courses for adults. I did my research and the courses I want to do aren’t in my area. So yeah, not much luck lol.

    But in the meantime, I will distract myself with making therapy art. I’ve been thinking about posting them, but I don’t fully know what’s allowed and what’s not allowed. I’ll probably look further into that another time.

    But in general, I can keep myself safe by engaging in my hobbies.
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