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feeling mega uncomfy rn (potential tw?)
shannon_164
Community Connector Posts: 2,472 Boards Champion
hey🙂
i’m not too sure if this needs a tw or not, or what to even write so potential tw here?
soo i am currently sat on a bus heading into college atm which i hate enough as it is because i hate public transport so so much because of these situations.
i got on the bus, got my laptop out and started working away as its deadline day - scary haha - but i glanced up and this old man was staring at me, i just assumed i looked up the same time he looked over, just coincidence.
it is so so obviously not just coincidence though, every single time i have looked up he has been sat staring at me. if i look in his direction and notice he is staring at me, he then proceeds to just look at me from the corner of his eye, assuming so i can’t see he’s looking at me even though i can lol for him to look at me he has to literally turn right around as i am sat behind him on the opposite side so its not as if i am just within his view either?
i’ve only been on the bus 30 ish mins but it feels like an absolute lifetime at the moment with this:/
no offence, but i hate old men. situations like this happen literally all the time on public transport and even the comments old men pass when im in work too disgusts me…
i’m not too sure if this needs a tw or not, or what to even write so potential tw here?
soo i am currently sat on a bus heading into college atm which i hate enough as it is because i hate public transport so so much because of these situations.
i got on the bus, got my laptop out and started working away as its deadline day - scary haha - but i glanced up and this old man was staring at me, i just assumed i looked up the same time he looked over, just coincidence.
it is so so obviously not just coincidence though, every single time i have looked up he has been sat staring at me. if i look in his direction and notice he is staring at me, he then proceeds to just look at me from the corner of his eye, assuming so i can’t see he’s looking at me even though i can lol for him to look at me he has to literally turn right around as i am sat behind him on the opposite side so its not as if i am just within his view either?
i’ve only been on the bus 30 ish mins but it feels like an absolute lifetime at the moment with this:/
no offence, but i hate old men. situations like this happen literally all the time on public transport and even the comments old men pass when im in work too disgusts me…
4
Comments
Jeez that sounds so off-putting. The fact that guys can get away with this and comments at work is horrible. How are you doing now? Were you able to get off the bus relatively hassle free?
i ended up getting off the bus and literally running because i wasn’t sure if he got off at the same stop as me or not as i just needed off that bus so badly.
i hate leaving the house because of such situations and nobody is even bothered, that’s super clear - a few months ago i was walking through city centre and these homeless people who i walked past every single week who never bothered me one day one of them decided to follow me and shout after me. i then went into a shop, there was 2 police cars sat outside this shop, it was very clear i was NOT with him. i then came out of the shop to find that he was stood outside still. i then started walking and he continued to follow me, i crossed the road and so did he. i literally walked up and down same street in tears trying to get away from him while there were 5 police officers stood around one of the police cars munching on their breakfast watching this happen. that really scares me because what if it did get worse than just being followed and shouted after?
That sounds horrible, I can't even imagine how scared you must have felt.
You did the right thing trying to lose him by going into a shop, i cant believe he was waiting for you to come out!
I'm so sorry that the police were just standing around pointlessly. It's completely understandable why that would worry you if that situation escalated.
Have you told anyone in your life about that situation and the one this morning?
cmht just wrote on a letter “shannon has experienced unwanted sexual advances from older men” amongst other stuff then discharged me with no support - my current psychologist said she’s very interested in discussing this, we’ve never talked about it…
Although it is positive to hear your current psychologist said she is interesting in talking about it, I get it can feel disconcerting if she hasn't brought it up since.
Would you want to talk to her about it soon?
as for the psychologist, i don’t think we will talk about it as i am being discharged from her too - her advice has been to just join a sports team lol
I get that feeling of frustration though, surprised if the system actually offers the support you deserve.
Joining a sports team could help you in general with your mental health. But I understand that with these specific situations, it might not help as much.
Would you want to reach out to someone and talk it through? Do you think that would be helpful for you?
I've done a little bit of research and I've popped some resources down here.
https://www.childline.org.uk/get-support/contacting-childline/
| call 0800 11 11 |
Rape crisis have a chat line that you would be able to message and get further signposting, they also have a counselling service that might help (the wait list, as ever is very long):
https://rapecrisis.org.uk/
https://www.rapecrisisscotland.org.uk/
This is a link to a website called Strut Safe, you can call their number when you're walking alone (Their opening hours are on the website): https://strutsafe.org/
| call 0333 335 0026 |
his is a big list of some resources sorted by countries in the UK:
https://goodlawproject.org/resource/support-resources-sexual-assault/
I've linked to Kooth and Qwell, I believe these sites are available in northern ireland, it mght be able to give you a wider support network with all of this.
Kooth has a live chat with counsellors that might be helpful for you:
https://www.kooth.com/
https://www.qwell.io/
You can also keep reaching out here for help, we're all ready to listen and support you
(sorry i’m so annoying)
You're not annoying at all. I am aware kooth can be a little picky about what regions they offer services to - even though the website said they help those in NI. It is so frustrating that there are so many hoops to jump through just to access support these days.
The only other place i can see that would offer support not via a phone call is Samaritans if you think having another external perspective would be helpful for you.
What we could do here is come up with a safety plan for if that situation does happen again? Sometimes having a plan of what to do, who to text and where to go can help reassure some people in threatening situations like being followed. It let you take back some control over such an unpredictable situation. Does that sound like something that would be helpful for you right now?
So from what i found online there are a few suggestions of things you could do when walking alone:
It can also be super helpful to think about who you could reach out to in a situation like that - a family member or friend you trust maybe? I know we are aiming to just text people as phone calls make you anxious but sometimes if the person following you hears that you are on the phone with someone else it can deter them - whether or not you feel able to make a phonecall in that situation is completely up to you though and what you are comfortable with. But reaching out to a safe person to let them know whats going on can help, maybe if they're able to they could meet you and walk you part of the way to your destination? - Good to double check these things with the person first though before you are in the situation.
Walking into a shop was a good idea when you were followed but then he was waiting for you outside, maybe next time if that happens, do you think talking to a member of staff would be helpful? Asking them to phone the police or phone someone you trust to come pick you up if that is available to you.
The personal alarm thing written on the infographic could be really helpful to you, it's a little discrete thing that fits in your pocket and when you pull on the string it makes a really loud noise - could be helpful to alert people that something is wrong and it can also help deter the person following you. But this does depend how you feel about something as loud as that being super close to you and drawing lots of attention to the situation. Some charities give these away for free or you can also order one online if it would help.
Do let me know if this is helpful for you, and feel free to add or omit things. Sometimes it helps to physically write this plan down, or maybe have it on your phone so when this situation happens you have instructions on what to do.
Would you feel comfortable sharing what the situation at work is? Maybe we can plan for that too if it would be helpful for you.
as for the situation about work, no. i don’t want to share here as it was already kinda taken outta context & i spent 2 nights now worrying that the mix is gonna tell someone. i’m sorry.
What you've described about the man on the bus and then past experiences too of men following you or harassing you on the streets sounds so frightening to go through and no one has a right to put you in that position. I get the sense that you can feel really isolated with it - is that right? And its hard to know who you could talk to about this.
I'd like to acknowledge that when you were on the bus you began this thread as a way to let someone else know you didn't feel safe and to ask for some support. That feels really positive, Shannon, and as a Community we're here for you.
I respect that you don't wish to share more about the details of what's happening at work, and that's completely okay. You're in control of what you do or do not wish to say. I wonder, however, if it might feel helpful to talk about the different emotions that situation is bringing up for you? How would you say its impacting your mental health right now?
We're here for you, and you're doing really well to talk about this.
thanks for replying but i am no longer interested in engaging with the mix.
how do i get my account deleted?