i hate me (potential tw?)

shannon_164 · May 29

hey🙂

soo for several years now i’ve struggled with feeling unwell frequently, dizziness, feeling faint, feeling weak etc but of course all doctors want to do is completely dismiss it all. i have been told it’s all imaginary, it’s just in my head, it’s not real idk how many times now. the last time i attempted to get somewhere i was told to just exercise - bare in mind i already had mentioned how i was going for a walk daily, so i was doing something.

i have woke up this morning so many times and the room is literally spinning, i feel so dizzy so definitely unable to drive to work. i feel so weak and unwell too.

it’s obviously a justifiable reason to phone in sick, but i’m also really anxious about phoning in sick as i hate phone calls for a start though im scared people will think im not really sick or something, especially because i can go from being absolutely fine to minutes later feeling this way? and im even more anxious about it because today & tomorrow i am working someone else’s shifts as i needed tuesday & wednesday off, so i feel even less able to phone in sick?

i was supposed to be in college today too for a mentoring session, that was meant to happen on tuesday but i had to ask her to cancel it due to also feeling this way though she rescheduled it just so i won’t be able to go to that either this afternoon, which im even more annoyed about as it will be my final session with her, i’m not going to see her again, ever:( even if i was to feel better later on and able to go, i probably wouldn’t as i’d be scared someone from work would see me at some point and then complain about the fact i claimed to be sick but im obviously fine, but the reality is, i literally can go from feeling absolutely fine to minutes later feeling awful and vice versa.

i really want someone to take this seriously but nobody will - ive been to doctors several times and they do bloods then tell me my vitamin b12 levels for example are incredibly low and when i asked about what happens next then, i was told “wait till it worsens then we’ll consider options” like what…? they had prescribed me a few medications eventually (best part of a year later) but they took me off one even though my levels still weren’t back to normal, kept me on the other 2 and then i just eventually stopped taking them as requesting a repeat prescription had new drama everytime and i was sick of it. they didn’t at all make a difference to me, i still felt this way. one night when it really suddenly got really bad, i phoned dalriada (out of hours doctors) and after waiting several hours for a call back from a nurse, i was told its an issue for my gp so make an appointment with them in the next 3 months, they wouldn’t see me. i don’t know what exactly it is that i am expected to do:/

i might try and get an appointment when they open at 8:30am but i probably won’t end up getting one and just be told call back tomorrow then repeat that cycle for several days before i just give up trying again.

thank you for reading

shannon_164 · May 29

soo update, i did phone work and explained how i feel so i was just advised to let my manager know by 8pm if i will be in for tomorrows shift - she was actually ok about it which im glad about.

i also managed to win the war of getting a triage slot at doctors yayy - they took so long to load them on at 8:30am, i kept refreshing and it just said no appointments until 8:31am and they finally appeared haha

for the reason as to why i need an appointment i put:

!!if possible a female pls due to triggers from recent situations!!

i have previously made appointments before about this and have been advised that how i feel is just imaginary, all in my head and not real, but it is real.

-i am constantly exhausted no matter how much sleep i have

-my body feels weak and often i am in pain

-i have headaches daily, sometimes they can last for prolonged periods of time (last week i had a headache that lasted for nearly 2 whole days)

-i am experiencing feeling dizzy which is becoming more frequent now, usually it’s when i am standing / lying down

it is really affecting day to day life as i am unable to do many things due to feeling so exhausted, i can’t join friends in playing badminton as my body feels too weak, i have to miss classes / work as i feel so dizzy and unwell, and this list goes on.

i have obviously been on medications in the past eg vitamin b12 but i feel absolutely no better than before taking them, at no point did i ever feel better.

gonna predict the future now hahaha so i guarantee that a receptionist is going to phone me at some point before 9am to ask me why it is i need the appointment even though ive already explained that - they ALWAYS phone me within minutes of booking a triage slot to ask why when ive already shared why lol then im likely going to be asked if i can come down and it’ll be either before 10:30am or after 2pm. they are going to possibly have an issue with the fact i have requested a female, this has been an issue in the past because “if you really needed to see a doctor you wouldn’t care what gender they were” - things like trauma exist, and anyways, there are literally religions who hold the belief that they must be treated by someone of their gender, what if that was my religion? i hate how they get on… if i get given an appointment, there is still time for them to call me back and then tell me “there’s no appointments left, call back tomorrow” like the last time, literally gave me an appointment (which shows in my appointment history section still) but then phoned me within a few mins saying they don’t have any appointments left like what? ugh i hate my doctors sm!!! also, in case anyone is gonna suggest, i’ve already looked into the option of changing doctors but it’s complicated because i live in the middle of nowhere and don’t meet the distance criteria as im too far away from them:/

i hope im wrong and that its a nice simple process where they just give me a call to ask me to come down, i can see a female doctor (preferably dr o or dr b), and that i dont get dismissed or invalidated again - pls lol

shannon_164 · May 29

doctors phoned me at 8:46am, so before my prediction of 9am✅

they asked if i could come down, i predicted before 10:30am or after 2pm and they gave me an appointment at 10:25am✅

they did not ask me to explain again why it is that i need the appointment so i was wrong there, that makes a change for them haha and there was also no issues around the fact i requested a female either yay ❎

im not too sure how i feel about it though as when she said the name of the doctor, i hadn’t heard of them before but i said yeah anyways - ive just checked on their website and it says that she is a final year trainee - the last one i seen that was a final year trainee was honestly the most dismissive and unhelpful person ever, she made an issue out of everything too:/ i hope this one is much better!!!

River · May 29

Good luck @shannon_164 i hope you can get sorted

it sounds similar to what I was dealing with health wise but I have my fingers crossed that it’s not

remember to advocate for yourself if you need to

shannon_164 · May 29

thank you @Rose113

i have already been before and they discovered through bloods that my vitamin b12 etc was all low and put me on folic acid, vitamin b12 etc but it made no difference for me and then they just didn’t bother doing repeat bloods which they wanted (but clearly didn’t lol) and i then had stopped taking the medications too though they made absolutely no difference when i was taking them anyways:/

i hate me (potential tw?)

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