If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
I can’t handle this anymore!!!
Rose113
Community Connector Posts: 3,402 Boards Guru
Growing up I spent all my time wondering what it was like to have a mom, I have a family. I suppose you could say 2… but they were only families nothing else, I didn’t have a mom or a dad, I had siblings that I’d never met I guess it was only when I turned 17 I felt like I had a mom. I still don’t know what love is and what a home is but suppose there’s time…
I only know what abandonment is and what constantly feeling on edge everyday due to not knowing who will up and leave…again. Or who will return just to leave…again
People leaving is inevitable in my life, 18 years of experience and idk one person that has stayed for longer than a year if that.
its easy to say that people will leave eventually but in my 18 years on earth i cant even count on 2 hands how many people have left because its been to many to count...
i open up and people leave, i show my full personality and people leave. PEOPLE GET TOO KNOW ME AND LEAVE, they always leave!!!!!!!!!
People just give up on me either for being quiet or for being too much and it breaks my heart every fucking time, it hurts so much. I hate that I drive people away, I hate that people can’t stand being around me for long. I’m SORRY, I’m sorry for BEING ME!!!
I’ll never be good enough for anyone, everyone will always leave. I’m tired! I’m tired of always being the problem so that’s it I choose silence, putting all barriers back up to protect my peace. I’ll just push everyone away from now on.
I only know what abandonment is and what constantly feeling on edge everyday due to not knowing who will up and leave…again. Or who will return just to leave…again
People leaving is inevitable in my life, 18 years of experience and idk one person that has stayed for longer than a year if that.
its easy to say that people will leave eventually but in my 18 years on earth i cant even count on 2 hands how many people have left because its been to many to count...
i open up and people leave, i show my full personality and people leave. PEOPLE GET TOO KNOW ME AND LEAVE, they always leave!!!!!!!!!
People just give up on me either for being quiet or for being too much and it breaks my heart every fucking time, it hurts so much. I hate that I drive people away, I hate that people can’t stand being around me for long. I’m SORRY, I’m sorry for BEING ME!!!
I’ll never be good enough for anyone, everyone will always leave. I’m tired! I’m tired of always being the problem so that’s it I choose silence, putting all barriers back up to protect my peace. I’ll just push everyone away from now on.
Sometimes when the people most like you don't love you, it is a hurt that can cause the greatest pain, and this pain can lead you to hate everything.
6
Comments
i’m really sorry you’re feeling this way. i can’t pretend to understand every part of what you’ve been through, but i do know this: you don’t deserve the pain you’ve carried, and you didn’t do anything wrong by being you.
it makes sense that it hurts so deeply, when people leave over and over again, it’s not just sad, it starts to feel like proof that something is wrong with you, but that’s a lie your pain is trying to convince you of. you’ve being quiet isn’t too little. you being full of emotion isn’t too much. the right people won’t leave when they see your whole self. the fact that others didn’t stay doesn’t mean you’re unlovable, it means they weren’t equipped to handle something real as amazing as what you are!
you are not a burden. you are a human being who wants to be loved, understood, and safe. that’s not too much to ask, in fact, that is normal, i’m so so sorry that others have made you feel like it’s not.
if silence feels like the only way to protect yourself right now, i get that, but please don’t shut yourself off completely from the world because the world still needs you in it, and someone out there will stay, not because you hide who you are, but because they see you fully and love you because of it, not in spite of it.
we are all here, and we are not leaving because you’re sad or overwhelmed or hurting. I’m staying, and you don’t have to be anything other than yourself around us. you are not the problem. you’ve are someone who deserves so much more than what you’ve been given.
i’m so proud of you