Feeling like a complete mess 😣

Lili5Bet · May 13

I don’t know where to start. I’ve just been so stressed and emotionally drained recently..I’ve had the funeral for my Grandad, which didn’t turn well due to family dynamics. Then issues with the Will has came up so now there’s legal issues being involved. Then a lot of changes have happened even more too and then transferring into a different care place. It’s really overwhelmed me.
I’ve been in my thoughts so much recently, and it’s like I’m going back to October again..and I hate it. October was the worst month for me to ever go through, I was just scraping through. Some of you may know I was in hospital for almost a month during that time too, and I was then also transferred into care. It was a terrifying time for me, and I’ve had really scary days too during my time in hospital. And it feels like everything is just flooding back all again. I’m still living by myself atm so I’m really heavy within my emotions a lot of the time (even though I’m slowly being moved into a different place).
I’ve also had my assessment now, and they’re looking at types of PTSD, Depression and anxiety. Then the autism assessment will come down later down the line. My current meds aren’t helping either and just aggravating everything much more, but I know my psychiatric nurse and psychiatrist will be looking at alternative meds to help. It’s just so much to go through and I feel the heaviness of it 🙁. I’ve really felt so low..I feel like I’m a complete mess.

I know I said I’m on a break but I think I’ll stay on the boards for now, just while things are all up in the air.

shannon_164 · May 13

hey @Lili5Bet 🙂

thank you so much for being open and sharing all of this - i know it’s not easy to do so!! i can’t even begin to imagine how heavy everything must feel right now, but i want you to know that i am really proud of you for speaking up and letting some of it out, that takes strength, especially when you’re already feeling so low and overwhelmed.

i’m so sorry to hear about your grandad’s funeral and everything that followed. fried on its own is already such a difficult thing to carry, and when it’s made even harder by family tension and legal complications, it’s no wonder you’re feeling drained. that is an immense amount for anyone to deal with -emotionally, mentally, and even physically.

then on top of that, to be going through transitions with your care situation, while still living on your own and trying to manage your mental health, it’s truly no small thing. it makes complete sense that you’d feel flooded and pulled back to that incredibly tough time in october. you went through so much then, and the fact that you made it through speaks volumes about your resilience, even if it doesn’t feel that way to you right now.

please don’t be too hard on yourself for feeling like a “mess”, you’re human, and you’re going through an extraordinary amount. you are not broken or failing, you’re reacting in a very real and understandable way to a lot of trauma and stress, and just the fact that you’re still here, still reaching out, and still showing up - even on the boards - shows how deeply you’re fighting, even if it doesn’t feel like it.

it is really good to hear that you’ve had your assessment and that your team is exploring different diagnoses and medication options. it might not fix things overnight, but it’s a step toward understanding and finding the right support for what you’re going through, and when everything feels uncertain, small steps still matter, they still count.

if staying on the boards gives you even a tiny bit of connection or comfort, then that’s exactly where you need to be for now. you don’t owe anyone explanations, and you don’t need to be “ok” to deserve care and support.

you’re not alone in this, ever, even if it feels like it sometimes. i care about you, and you deserve to be supported through every part of this - im only ever a message away, whatever you need

independent_ · May 13

You’ve got so much on your plate @Lili5Bet it’s no surprise you’re feeling overwhelmed with everything. I hope you can at least take a bit of time for yourself, and yes we’re always here on here too

Redemption · May 13

Hey @Lili5Bet I’m really sorry you’re going through all this. You’ve been dealing with so much, and it’s absolutely ok to feel overwhelmed. Please be kind to yourself, take things one step at a time, and know that you’re not alone we’re here for you weather you on a break and want to pop in or not on a break

Sian321 · May 15

Hey @Lili5Bet , thank you so much for this message. From what you've described, it sounds like you've been going through such an overwhelming time lately and everything has been piling up.

Having to navigate difficult and tense family dynamics on the day of your Grandad's funeral too sounds extreamly upsetting on top of already grieving him and trying to process everything that's happened. It sounds like there's been a lot of change lately, with your living situation too, and I can imagine that feeling destabilising. It feels like you're having to cope with a lot on your own - sitting with some really heavy feelings in isolation. You're doing really well to type them out here and we're here for you to listen and hold this space.

Thank you for sharing some more too about what October last year was like for you. I really hear just how scary and uncertain that time was. It sounds like there were points during that month where things felt truly very frightening and it's been really hard lately to feel reminded of that time and to perhaps notice some similiar feelings coming up for you. May I ask how you're feeling today? And in some of the hardest moments, has there been anything or anyone that has helped you to feel a little bit safer?

We're here and we're listening, and you deserve to not have to carry these thoughts alone.

Feeling like a complete mess 😣

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