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Didn't attend work today
Invisible_me
Posts: 358 Listening Ear
in Work & Study
Hi.
I've made many threads about work atm. This morning was difficult, pacing up down house. Left though. Bus diverted. Then there was a lot of like small sensory overwhelm. I djdnt blow massively externally but felt very uncomfortable internally and almost shut down didn't feel able to want to go work. And was like I'm going to need shut down time even if I do go and that'll be embarrassing or felt like a burden so thought it'll be easier to just text in saying I don't feel well can I go home they allowed me to but they messaged /called after to see of I was okay and avoided it all because I didnt know what to say ans was shut down. I did message 20mins after to say okay.
But like one end I don't feel bad as such foe not attending, because I don't feel comfortable there byt secondly this now makes me seem more vulnerable incapable and scared I'll lose the job. As much as I feel uncomfortable I don't want to lose it completely!!
I've made many threads about work atm. This morning was difficult, pacing up down house. Left though. Bus diverted. Then there was a lot of like small sensory overwhelm. I djdnt blow massively externally but felt very uncomfortable internally and almost shut down didn't feel able to want to go work. And was like I'm going to need shut down time even if I do go and that'll be embarrassing or felt like a burden so thought it'll be easier to just text in saying I don't feel well can I go home they allowed me to but they messaged /called after to see of I was okay and avoided it all because I didnt know what to say ans was shut down. I did message 20mins after to say okay.
But like one end I don't feel bad as such foe not attending, because I don't feel comfortable there byt secondly this now makes me seem more vulnerable incapable and scared I'll lose the job. As much as I feel uncomfortable I don't want to lose it completely!!
3
Comments
How are you doing? I’m sorry to hear that you had a difficult time trying to get to work the other day. I can hear how overwhelming it felt from the beginning of the morning, feeling uncomfortable internally and experiencing sensory overwhelm, that sounds a lot to cope with.
Needing to miss work can feel uncomfortable you’re not alone in that feeling, I think you did really well to recognise that working on Thursday wouldn’t have felt manageable, you did well communicating this and messaging to say you were okay.
I’m hearing that you feel it perhaps makes you seem vulnerable or incapable. I wonder if it would feel helpful to focus on things that went well rather than missing work? So you were able to recognise how you were feeling ,communicated this and didn’t blow externally. It’s understandable that while it can feel uncomfortable your job is important to you.
How are you feeling about your next shift? We’re here for you.
With the recent shifts I've had there, like lately there's been difficult moments. Like i had a supervision, then the next shift I didn't go in, next one did but walked out so manager spoke to me , next one had a probation meeting then this one didbt attend so I've had like continous shifts where I've had difficulties that's been noticeable by my manager ie he'll see me messing with something, being quiet etc etc like he'll notice everything and that then makes me feel vulnerable and in capable.
My next shift is in 3 weeks time so yeshiva don't hsve c to go but know wheb that time comes it will be even more difficult to try any go in because of thay break. It's a necer ending cycle...like o dont want to leavr, if o wasn't capable thry woildnt have given me job but yet I'm crying because I don't want to go in and don't feel good enough. O might hsve got the job but they probably difbt realise I'll be the way I am- sensitive to noise, lights, havibg to fidget with stuff, rocking etc...I bet now if they could theyll take the job away from me.
I knkw theyv see me vulnerable my manager said he was saying to his manager that he sees me as needing support or having a few difficulties.