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Can't cope with work tomorrow
Invisible_me
Posts: 349 The Mix Regular
Hi.
So ibe had a difficult day today with shutdown, meltdowns and so sensory taht I literally don't knkw if I'm going to be able to make it into work tomorrow. I literally exhausted, haven't got energy nor the sensory capacity to deal with work tomorrow (sitting in a room with music).
What do I do? I'm scared to message today because like its not been long since I've started and only go in once a week and like it may not look good. But my sensitivity is high..
So ibe had a difficult day today with shutdown, meltdowns and so sensory taht I literally don't knkw if I'm going to be able to make it into work tomorrow. I literally exhausted, haven't got energy nor the sensory capacity to deal with work tomorrow (sitting in a room with music).
What do I do? I'm scared to message today because like its not been long since I've started and only go in once a week and like it may not look good. But my sensitivity is high..
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Comments
How was your day in the end? You were brave to face another day head on regardless of how it ended up going, it takes courage to keep going even when you feel exhausted. I hear how exhausting and draining it could have been to have those meltdowns and too much sensory overload. Whether you went in to work or needed to take the day to yourself, there is strength in that decision and whatever felt valid to you at the time was valid
Hi @Leyla,
Thank you for your reply. O was actually at work at time you messaged. I was literally that close to messaging saying not coming in but then thought if I don't go in I'll make the anxiety worse.
Today- journey got increasingly sensorily difficult as it went on didnt have an overload but reached a 'fragile ' point. So like took meds, used strategies for 4 mins before going in. But like went in, it felt like a lot of information was thrown at me and bearing in mind already fragile. Then my laptop wouldn't work so that was testing me! Put my head dowm in desk and went mute or whateveer. My manager/ supervisor (whatecer he is too me) noticed - tbh well done to him for noticing it wasn't obvious as such, I dont think anyway so he asked if I was okay said yes then he was like you sure and I said no and walked off at which point he said I'm coming to check in with you. Byt like I felt at crying point, in toilets but he told me to go in the side room. Then he went away, prob to kind off say to everyone hold off on stuff for a bit as he was the only manager on shift. Came in said "I'm here " which i was like gibe me space. I'd tried to wipe away my tears.
But we ended up having a good quick chat, like he was actually looking and listening to me rather than typing a way. Didbt say mych but was able to say " I find it hard talking to you" "didn't want to come in, findding it hard " " dont feel good enough ". He asked if he needs to change approach, and he was able to reassure me that I'm doing okay and am good enough. In a way that's prob all I needed to hear, since starting no one has said if I'm doing okay etc. After had like non delivery time to wind down. He checked in regularly but in the whole room and said you do look better now and see " youve got a lovely smile" . I actually fid feel better after that and like a whole weight had been lifted even if it was just a quick chat and didnt say everything. Said like the main stuff in 3 short sentences. I think all I needed/ need was a proper chat where its not completely structured his not typing away at notes or (listening to audio message from family likr ladt time).
From what you've described, it sounds like the 24th was really overwhelming, partciualry your journey in and then feeling fragile when on shift too. That sounds really draining.
This is so positive to hear, @Invisible_me , and I hear just how much it meant to you that he genuinely looked at you, asked follow-up questions, and really took the time to properly listen. I can imagine that hearing the words - 'you're doing okay, you're doing good enough' was such a relief too. To know that he believes in you and appreciates your hard work. How did you feel after that conversation?
I wonder if you were able to do anything in the evening to take care of yourself and decompress at the end of a long day?
Hi @Sian321 thanks for reply!
I'm doing okay..
Yes it was a difficult bur rather varied flipped day. The journey was like pressing on my sensory and resilience shall we say and like information overload didbt help. So was fragile on shift but thrn after the vhat I flipped and almost felt really loose and hyper! Thrn after felt bad for "being hyper". I was like talking to new people that have recently joined and saying to thrm I've got no filter and I go from one extreme to the next like how is thst even a good way to first introduce myself so once id tamed down I felt like I shouldn't have really said that. But I guess it's done now.
@Sian321 yes it meant a lot to actually ha e that chat even if it was just 5mins because like it wasn't a planned supervision it's because I wasn't okay so he ended up checking in when actually he had shift to run! But yes probably because if that he didn't have ipad or anything nor have to type notes so he was just looking and listening to me or more like asking me questions probing me or reassuring me. Which helped and felt free like I didn't have that worry of him typing what I'm saying etc and other people reading it etc its just a "chat between me and him". Made it ferl more informal I guess. It meant a lot. Ans while I probably didn't say much I was able to say " I find it hard talking to you, don't want to comein and find it hard coming in, don't feel good enough " which I guess summerises how I feel. And e actually was anle to respond back to it straight away rather than him typing it then saying then typing that up etc..
But I dunno if we'll get that again and actually that's prob what I need an informal approach rather than hom typing away so I cam actually be a bir more honest with him.
At sam tim though I then feel like "too vulnerable " or perceives me to be "too vulnerable" to do job. The fact of him being the opposite gender also remains which creates additional anxiety byt then that way night stop be being "too honest or too oversharing " alike sometimes I feel I overshare or share things with people that don't actually need to know. Like sometimes o feel I shared toomuch with my supervisor at volunteering ie stuff going on as at home when actually is there a real need for them to knpw, no but still they know but then likewise means they can understand my feelings more and offer support.
I think more with work he wants to know if there's anything they can do to help.
So I'm trying to email him on the back of our chat, to attach my support needs profile and suggest ways in which he can support/ communicate with me but finding this hard!
I need a way of saying him taking notes while talking doesn't help like he needs to look at me or as if his looking at me not at his screen typo away what I'm saying.