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Fear of becoming a mum in the future

Rose113Rose113 Community Connector Posts: 3,215 Boards Guru
in Health & Wellbeing
I know i shouldn’t be stressing about it now but it terrifies me becoming a mom in the future im so so scared that I’ll be just like mine, I don’t want my own kids to go through the same abuse and pain that I went through but it petrifies me that I will like what if it’s genetic

I try to be a good caring person but I’m probably just the opposite of caring :(

It scares me so so so much 💔
Sometimes when the people most like you don't love you, it is a hurt that can cause the greatest pain, and this pain can lead you to hate everything.

Comments

  • Lucy_21Lucy_21 Posts: 243 Trailblazer
    I completely get where you're coming from rose because I'm the same but you are not your mother and the fact you are concerned about the child you are yet to even have proves it already. There is no guid to being a good parent but as long as you love them and try you'll do fine. Until then take a breath and focus on now, I know it's hard but worrying now isn't going to help you in the future
  • Sian321Sian321 Community Manager Posts: 999 Part of The Mix Family
    @Rose113 , thank you so much for your trust in sharing this. I hear just how terrified it makes you feel to think of repeating behaviours that you have found harmful, and how scared you are that this might be inevitable or 'genetic'. Almost like you're asking a question about who you 'are' as a person, or whether you're fundamentally 'good'? Is that right?

    It sounds like you have such a strong sense of care and responsbility for your future kids, and you desperately don't want harm to come to them. And in and of itself, that self-awareness feels so powerful, Rose.

    What does being a 'good' mum mean to you? What kind of a relationship would you want for yourself with your future kids, and what feels important to you?

    I'd like to echo what @Lucy_21 has said here too that there are so many ways to be a 'good' parent, and indeed, if you were to struggle at any stage of motherhood, that is also so valid and human and you would be so deserving of support for your own wellbeing too.
  • Rose113Rose113 Community Connector Posts: 3,215 Boards Guru
    @Sian321
    how scared you are that this might be inevitable or 'genetic'. Almost like you're asking a question about who you 'are' as a person, or whether you're fundamentally 'good'? Is that right?
    Yeah your right :( it bothers me a lot 😭 I don’t want to turn out anything like my mum 😭 what if my own kids have the life I had of being abused, bullied, sa, shit mental health etc, what if they get dumped in care to be adopted to always wonder what the fuck they did so wrong as a little kid to get a life like that!!! 😭😭😭

    Being a good mum would be a mum loving her child/ren, I’d want my kids to have a happy life as much as possible but who am I kidding I’m probably just like my mum 💔
    Sometimes when the people most like you don't love you, it is a hurt that can cause the greatest pain, and this pain can lead you to hate everything.
  • Lucy_21Lucy_21 Posts: 243 Trailblazer
    I believe in you love and I'm always going to be here for advice if you ever are in the position to need it, I don't have my own yet but my family has gone through a lot of babies so I know my fair share xx
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