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TW / why is everything so shit 😭

eylaheylah Posts: 7,125 Master Poster
edited April 16 in Health & Wellbeing
TW: suicidal thoughts and sh

im rly struggling with everything and it doesn’t seem like anything is getting better. every day is the same shit n im struggling daily with ongoing suicidal thoughts. im safe rn but its getting rly so tiring. im breaking down every day and bc im on my own 24/7 its getting so hard for me to cope with. i want to live a life where im happy and not living this life where im rly unhappy. i am supposed to be starting therapy soon but i rly dont want to bc its over a year long and i rly have 0 energy rn to do even eat let alone get up every week and go to therapy. im just rly puzzled abt everything in my life rn i just want to be fucking better. 😭 its so shit it rly is. im safe im just having thoughts no plans or anything.

ppl dont always need advice. sometimes all they rly need is a hand to hold. an ear to listen. and a heart to understand them. 🧸
Post edited by Katie on
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  • eylaheylah Posts: 7,125 Master Poster
    its getting worse. :/ relapsed yesterday and i feel so shit abt it. ( im safe i have had medical attention.) but im fed up with life. its getting harder to fight it rly is. idk how to feel anymore im struggling so much i cant deal with this anymore. im trying to make plans to get through today. like im going to go tesco to get some food but im rly struggling to even make it by. :( sry but its so hard 😭
    ppl dont always need advice. sometimes all they rly need is a hand to hold. an ear to listen. and a heart to understand them. 🧸
  • shannon_164shannon_164 Community Connector Posts: 1,543 Extreme Poster
    hey @eylah 🙂

    i can hear how much pain you’re in, and i’m really sorry that it’s gotten this heavy. please know i am here for you, always - no judgment, no pressure, just here. you are not a burden, and you don’t have to go through this completely alone.

    it sounds like you’re doing so much just to make it through each day, and even though it feels small, planning to go to tesco or just getting out of bed is actually really brave when things feel this dark. that IS strength, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.

    i know therapy sounds overwhelming, especially when you’re already exhausted, but maybe it could be a space where you don’t have to hold everything by yourself for once, just one place where you can unload a bit of the weight. you don’t have to have energy or motivation to start, just showing up is enough. you’ve made it this far, and that says a lot about your fight, even when it’s been hell.

    please keep being gentle with yourself, relapsing doesn’t mean you’ve failed. it means you’re still hurting and still trying. healing is messy and not linear, but you deserve the chance to feel better. you really do. i’m proud of you for still trying, even when everything feels pointless.

    you’ve got this eylah, i’m so so proud of you <3
  • eylaheylah Posts: 7,125 Master Poster
    thankyou so much @shannon_164 it means a lot to me <3.

    i have my therapy session tmr 2pm im scared but im feeling happy abt it. i rly need therapy so im hoping tmr it goes well. not happy abt it on a side bc i have to have a blood test bc theyre worried abt my health but im just hoping it goes well.
    ppl dont always need advice. sometimes all they rly need is a hand to hold. an ear to listen. and a heart to understand them. 🧸
  • AnonymousToeAnonymousToe Posts: 2,626 Boards Guru
    I hope the therapy goes well tomorrow @eylah but if it doesn’t then remember it’s only the first session (I think?) and you might need to get used to it. You’re doing really well to keep going and to be doing all you can for things to get better. You’re such a sweet person and you really deserve to feel better. Sending big hugs 🫂 even though you’re physically alone, we care about you so in that sense you’re not alone <3
  • eylaheylah Posts: 7,125 Master Poster
    thankyou @AnonymousToe it means a lot <3


    i went to my therapy session it went rly well. im starting it properly in 5 weeks time. im so rly excited to finally get my life back on track. she didnt take bloods this time but is next week bc i had bloods 3 days ago in hospital but shes concerned bc they came back abnormal she said even though hospital said they was ok. im just chilling today bc im very tired from the therapy session. thankyou for ongoing support <3
    ppl dont always need advice. sometimes all they rly need is a hand to hold. an ear to listen. and a heart to understand them. 🧸
  • AnonymousToeAnonymousToe Posts: 2,626 Boards Guru
    Yay, well done for going, I’m glad it went well!
  • eylaheylah Posts: 7,125 Master Poster
    thankyou @AnonymousToe <3
    ppl dont always need advice. sometimes all they rly need is a hand to hold. an ear to listen. and a heart to understand them. 🧸
  • Sian321Sian321 Community Manager Posts: 926 Part of The Mix Family
    @eylah , how are you this morning? That sounds so positive that your therapy session went well, and very valid that afterwards you were really tired. I can hear your hope and that excitement to get started fully in therapy now and regain some control. That's so wonderful, and takes a lot of courage too! How have you been resting since the first session? We're all here for you
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