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Sometimes it's just tiring yk? TW
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I hear the dread you have for this meeting with the social worker, because I see you mention you have a lot of trauma which could be dredged up through this and that it's an unfortunate time because you said you don't have your regular support for a while. Where do you think you could reach out to about the social worker meeting and your other feelings until college/you get the chance to speak to your psychologist?
It does sound so tiring, grief is such an exhausting emotion and despite us humans going through it for the entirety of history, it doesn't seem to get any easier which is a testimony to how valid your feelings are.
It sounds like you might be caught between a rock and a hard place, you want to get to the 22nd to be able to start having some support again, but then this also brings you to the day you are dreading. And that potential internal conflict is so understandable, and I can imagine it feels like a rollercoaster of emotions which you don't feel you can get away from, does that resonate at all?
Your feelings are there to be felt even if they might feel overwhelming and I completely get that it might all feel like too much right now, and it's all piling up in the pit you can't escape, and well done for being 10 days clean despite all of this. You are a trooper even if you shouldn't have to be, and the community here is happy to step in to give you some support in these gaps in your support systems!
It sounds like this whole week has been so exhausting - pushing yourself to seem like you're happy when inside it feels like you're falling apart. That sounds incredibly draining, and so much pressure too. And I hear what you're saying about not wanting to bring up so much from your past. It is valid that this might feel really overwhelming, and I get the sense you're perhaps worried that if you do open up the past with your social worker, it might feel like drowning? Does that ring true at all?
Thank you for sharing too with us about your aunt and your uncle. I can hear just how hard this time of year is esspecially, thinking back to your aunt suffering and seeing your uncle struggle now too. That's a huge amount to process, and I hear just how much you care for them both.
You mentioned that it feels so conflicting right now because you're having to go without much support until the 22nd and 28th, and even when your SG officer does reach out, a part of you feels like you need to 'filter' yourself and can't share everything. What holds you back in those moments, Chloe? What do you imagine might happen if you did share just how tough things are?
I hear you saying too about not wanting to be 'dependent' here on Community, and it sounds like you're really listening to yourself and trying to take lots of care around your boundaries. That is so positive, and you're in full control of how you wish to use this space. If and when you do reach out, we're here for you to listen without judgement. You're doing so well to talk about this.