I have friends, but I feel lonely

PunchThe_Internet · April 6

I have friends (online), but I feel lonely.

One of my main friends, who I'd say is my best friend, I haven't spoken with in a while. He's been dealing with some heavy stuff mentally. The conversations we've had lately have felt awkward to me, almost like I didn't know what to say. It's abnormal, since I consider him my best friend, and it's made me worry.

What he is going through probably has nothing to do with me and I need to remind myself that. However, part of me can't help but feel as though I did something wrong or something to upset him. I care a lot about him, he's someone I love (platonically) unconditionally.

I sent him a message a few minutes ago, telling him that I miss spending time, talking, and interacting with him because he's my friend. I don't want to keep something that's bothering me to myself and I feel comfortable enough with him to share my thoughts.

This is what I wrote:

Hi _____. I feel like it's been a while since we've talked. Like actually talked. How are you? How have things been? What's new? I know you're dealing with some heavy stuff right now mentally. I understand that. If you ever need me for anything, I'm here for you regardless of what it is, even if it's just silent support.

But honestly, I miss you. I miss spending time with you and talking. I don't want you to think that maybe I've replaced you with someone else, because that's not true. You're an entirely different person with an entirely different personality and I enjoy and want to be around you and interact with you.

I'm not asking you for anything, I only wanted to share my thoughts with you because you're my friend. If you need space or time, tell me and I'll respect that. But I really do miss you and I love you /p.

I'm not trying to guilt or blame you either. I fully understand how struggles mentally can impact a person in all aspects of their life. I don't blame you for anything. I'm not upset nor am I mad at you, so please don't take this as me being upset or anything. I just wanted to communicate my thoughts and feelings with you since I care a lot about you and have been wondering how you've been. I'm here for you regardless of what it is. Even if I don't say anything directly, know that I am always unconditionally supporting you, because again, you're my friend and I love and care for you.

I miss him and I feel lonely without him. I once heard a quote: "the moment you start to wonder how much space you occupy in a person's heart, give them space, and see how long it takes for them to fill it." For me, it was instant. I think about him daily and send him little messages throughout the day, saying hi, sending random memes, video game screenshots, etc.

I'm worried about him because I care about him. Yet the anxious part of me feels like I did something wrong somehow. I'm not sure. I'll see what he says. And I need to remind myself that whatever he's going through most likely has no involvement or correlation with me.

MatchaMia · April 6

Hi @PunchThe_Internet, I'm sorry that you're having a difficult time and are feeling lonely - it's a natural feeling when we miss someone we love, especially when it's someone who we're used to having with us on both good and lower times. It sounds like you're being a great friend in trying to understand him, and by giving him the space he might need to work through the heavy things that he's going through. It's easy to feel that we've done something wrong, especially when people start to act differently around us, but as you've said, his feelings are likely not caused by you - he might just not have the capacity to engage in a friendship like you used to. I know how anxious it can be to not have answers, but it looks like you're doing the best you can as a friend, which is to stay by his side, offer your support, and just let your friends come to you when they're ready. I'm glad you felt able to express your own feelings, that's just as important - we can still be there for others, while being honest about how situations are making us feel. Maybe spending more time speaking with your other friends can help? We're also here for you

PunchThe_Internet · April 14

Thank you, @MatchaMia
I talked to him about it and he has been struggling mentally. I hope he'll do better soon, but I also don't want to overwhelm him or "force" him to talk with me. I should clarify that with him. I was more anxious than anything and worried about him. And I have been talking with my other friends which I also enjoy.

I have friends, but I feel lonely

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