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(Mentions of suicide and self harm) Do I have petulant BPD?
Past User
Posts: 0 Listening Ear
Comments
✨ 𝒯ℋℐ𝒮 ℐ𝒮 ℳℰ ✨
Firstly, I noticed you referred to yourself as feeling like a 'monster' these last two years, and you also said you'd like to figure out what's 'wrong' with you. These sounded like two strong statements, and it feels as though you might be carrying quite a lot of self-criticism around this, or shame? I wonder if that feels fair to say?
I hear you, @bignosegirly0 , and you're doing so well to talk about this. I can really hear you getting curious here about your own behaviour and your own feelings, and trying to understand yourself more deeply. This feels really positive. And I hear you wondering too whether some of your experiences might resonate with BPD, or possibly with Autism too. You're doing a lot of deep self-exploration right now, and trying to make sense of how things feel day-to-day, particularly when it comes to mood swings, strong, 'obsessive' feelings, and struggles with feeling unloveable. And I want to acknowledge just how all-consuming it sounds to be coping with each of the things you've described. We hear you, and in our eyes, these experiences certainly don't make you a 'monster,' but a human being who is going through a lot right now and who deserves compassion and support. Though I do hear how overwhelming it can be.
What do you feel is the best next step for you? Would you like to reach out to your GP to begin a conversation? How might it feel to bring these observations and feelings to your therapist and explore them together?
As @Rose113 has mentioned above too, there are so many reasons why a person might resonate with some aspects of specific diagnoses, and those are going to be unique to each person's personal history too. What do you feel a diagnosis would mean for you? Equally, what would not recieving a diagnosis feel like?