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3am sob

Rose113Rose113 Community Connector Posts: 3,215 Boards Guru
in Health & Wellbeing
I can’t sleep my brain is just like “right let’s make you think about everything you’ve been through all at once and make you wonder what the fuck you deserved it all for” I’m not okay but it’s not okay to be not okay in my life 👌 I got myself all hot and bothered and now I’m sweating and crying at the same time.

The same sentence repeats in my head like a song on repeat yet I can’t even share that with anyone because it would show to much concern to people so it’s another thing that has to stay bottled up
Sometimes when the people most like you don't love you, it is a hurt that can cause the greatest pain, and this pain can lead you to hate everything.

Comments

  • shannon_164shannon_164 Community Connector Posts: 1,592 Extreme Poster
    hey @Rose113 🙂

    i’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. nights like that are the worst, when your mind won’t stop and everything just feels overwhelming. you don’t deserve to be carrying all of this alone, and i hate that you feel like you have to bottle it up. no one should have to hold that much in!

    i know it might not help much right now, but please try to be kind to yourself. whatever your mind is telling you, you didn’t deserve the things you’ve been through. none of this is your fault. you are carrying so much, and you’re still here, still pushing through, even on nights like that, which that alone shows how strong you are, even if it doesn’t feel like it.

    we are all so proud of you <3
  • Sian321Sian321 Community Manager Posts: 999 Part of The Mix Family
    @Rose113 , I wanted to check in and ask how you're feeling this morning?

    It sounds like last night might have been particularly hard, and it sounds so scary and upsetting to be trying to sleep while your mind is re-playing distressing memories and you're trying to answer painful questions such as, 'what did I deserve this for?' That sounds extreamly difficult, Rose, and we're right here with you to listen.

    What do you feel like you might need today in terms of support?

    Sending lots of care your way :star:
  • Rose113Rose113 Community Connector Posts: 3,215 Boards Guru
    edited March 30
    @Sian321 exhausted, drained, overthinking, sh urges, everything 🫠 I’ll be okay, I got to be fine.

    Yeah and someone upset me last night :( someone triggered me because they said “well” at the start of a sentence and I find that really triggering and then someone else called me fragile and that hurt so now I’ve suspended all social media accounts because I cba anymore.

    Certain words trigger me and I can’t help that, my psychologist said it’s because of my C-PTSD

    ————————-

    Going to my grandmas grave for the first time 🥲
    Sometimes when the people most like you don't love you, it is a hurt that can cause the greatest pain, and this pain can lead you to hate everything.
  • Rose113Rose113 Community Connector Posts: 3,215 Boards Guru
    On a side note my mum has just surprised me with going to the cinema tonight to watch the Snow White movie so that’s made my day a bit better
    Sometimes when the people most like you don't love you, it is a hurt that can cause the greatest pain, and this pain can lead you to hate everything.
  • Orchid059Orchid059 Discussion Boards Moderator Posts: 390 Listening Ear
    Hi @Rose113 You deserve to feel seen and heard, and it’s okay to acknowledge that you’re not okay. You don’t need to pretend you’re fine when you’re not. Life can be incredibly tough, and you don’t have to face it in silence. If it feels too hard to express the exact thoughts or the exact sentence that keeps repeating in your head, maybe try writing it down for yourself first? It can sometimes help to just get it out on paper, even if no one else ever sees it.

    Also, let us know how the new snow white film is!?
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