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TW// Dealing with a loss of a loved one
Lili5Bet
Posts: 143 Helping Hand
Hey everyone, Lilie here 👋
I felt like this is something I’d like to share. Some of you may know that I’m going through a bereavement. Unfortunately, this week, I lost my great-grandad
he wasn’t just a great-grandad to me, he was my best friend.. he was the one who understood me and gave so much love even though I had a lot of struggles within the family dynamics and my health growing up too. We had a nickname for each other..and he was the bubbliest man I’ve ever known, he truly meant the world to me. Because of me being in care, and everything that has happened last year, I didn’t see my family for Christmas, as I felt too scared to. I carry so much guilt for this. Unfortunately, not knowing, that would’ve been my last chance to see him 
, I’m completely heartbroken. This loss isn’t just a big one, but my first bereavement too. If there’s any advice you could give with dealing a loss of a loved one, I’d really appreciate it if you shared with me 
I am due to go to his funeral soon too, where all my family members will be..some I haven’t seen in years and many that I struggle with due to certain circumstances.
I felt like this is something I’d like to share. Some of you may know that I’m going through a bereavement. Unfortunately, this week, I lost my great-grandad
he wasn’t just a great-grandad to me, he was my best friend.. he was the one who understood me and gave so much love even though I had a lot of struggles within the family dynamics and my health growing up too. We had a nickname for each other..and he was the bubbliest man I’ve ever known, he truly meant the world to me. Because of me being in care, and everything that has happened last year, I didn’t see my family for Christmas, as I felt too scared to. I carry so much guilt for this. Unfortunately, not knowing, that would’ve been my last chance to see him , I’m completely heartbroken. This loss isn’t just a big one, but my first bereavement too. If there’s any advice you could give with dealing a loss of a loved one, I’d really appreciate it if you shared with me I am due to go to his funeral soon too, where all my family members will be..some I haven’t seen in years and many that I struggle with due to certain circumstances.
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Comments
i can’t even begin to imagine how painful this must be for you, and i’m so incredibly sorry for your loss. your great grandad sounds like such a wonderful, loving person, and it’s clear how much he meant to you. it is completely understandable to feel heartbroken, especially since he was not only your great grandad but also your best friend and biggest supporter!
i know it’s easier said than done, but please try not to carry guilt for not seeing him at christmas. you made the best decision you could at the time based on how you were feeling and i’m sure he wouldn’t want you to be so hard on yourself. the love you shared isn’t defined by one moment, it’s in all the memories, the nickname you had for each other, and the deep connection that will always be there.
grief is such a personal journey, and there’s no right or wrong way to navigate it. some days will feel heavier than others, and that’s ok. let yourself feel whatever comes up, and don’t rush yourself to “move on” or “be ok”. talking about him, keeping little traditions you had together, writing down memories, or even just letting yourself cry when you need to, those are all ways to honour him and the love you shared.
as for the funeral, i can only imagine how tough that will be, especially with family dynamics involved. if it feels overwhelming, try to focus on why you’re there, for him. maybe have a small grounding things with you, like something that reminds you of him or something comforting, to help keep you steady? and if things feel too much, it’s ok to step away, take a breath, and protect your own wellbeing!
you don’t have to go through it alone, and i hope you reach out whenever you need support. words will never be able to explain how proud i am of you - you’ve got this lilie, i believe in you
What you're going through right now sounds incredibly painful. Trying to adjust to the loss of someone who meant the whole world to you, and your best friend.
I am so sorry for your loss, Lili, and as Shannon says, we are here for you as a Community every step of the way.
If it ever felt helpful to share any memories of your great-grandad here with us, we would love to get to know him better and to honour him with you. He sounds like an incredibly special and important person.
Take lots of care and go gentle with yourself, esspecially before and during his funeral. It sounds so hard and overwhelming to be navigating this grief as well as complicated family dynamics, and you deserve to be able to set boundaries, listen to what feels best and possible for you, and to take things moment-to-moment.
I will share below some grief-focused support services if you ever wish for more space to talk about this with someone specialised too:
Winston's Wish is a UK-wide national helpline offering support, information, and guidance to children, young people, and anyone caring for a child/young person who has been bereaved. Their helpline and webchats are open Monday to Friday 8am-8pm. You can call them on 08088 020 021 or email them on ask@winstonswish.org or fill out the contact form on their website. They have a crisis messenger open 24/7 text WW to 85258. They hold online peer support grief groups for young people aged 7-25 and parents and carers. Visit their website for more information https://winstonswish.org/
There's an organisation called Grief Encounter which aims to provide support to anyone who has suffered from a bereavement. They run a helpline and their website also contains helpful resources. They are open Monday to Friday from 9:30am-3pm. You can call them on 0808 802 0111, email them at bereavementsupport@griefencounter.org.uk or visit their website at www.griefencounter.org.uk for their counselling service and more information. They have specific support for under 12s, 12-18s, 18-25s and parents.
We're all here for you, Lili, and please take all the space and time that you need. There is truly no right or wrong way to grieve. Everything you're feeling is valid.
Not great, but thank you Sian. His funeral is on the 2nd of May. Mum is stressing me out with the support at the funeral and a few other things too..so I’m struggling a lot, I feel like I’m on the brim of everything.
I will reply to all of your lovely messages from earlier, it means a lot to me, thank you! I’ve just been struggling to think straight and I really don’t have a clear thinking mind atm. So I’ll try my best to reply back soon, I promise
Please take all the time you need. It sounds like you're having to juggle a million things right now, and all of this on top of greiving and missing him. It's a huge amount you're holding.
Take lots of care. This is a little article which offers ideas of how you can be gentle with yourself when you have been bereaved: https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/blog/self-care-grieving.
We're all here for you
Thank you all for your messages, it truly means a lot to me. Sorry that it’s taken a bit of a while to get back. A lot has happened recently and losing Grandad, on top of further difficulties, has lead me to feeling so burnt out.
@shannon_164 , thank you so much! Your message is really helping me through this time of processing the loss of my Grandad. With terms of the funeral, and comforts, I always have a special charm that is dedicated to him, I’ve had it for years already, but it does provide comfort and a reminder of how much he’s truly impacted my life. (It’s a royal guard charm). I do always have my headphones on me. I’ll have them in my bag for the funeral though, but knowing that they’re there, does help. I also want to say thank you for being a big support for me so far, I’m incredibly thankful for you, and I’m so happy to have you and this community on my journey
@Sian321 , thank you once again for your messages and for the helpful links too.
Thank you, I’d love to share those memories on here, that would mean a lot to me! Speaking about that, I found my horse riding helmet today. My Grandad had given to me, it was his before. It has definitely sparked something within me to do horse riding again, I’d love to get back to it! But it’s so expensive! Grandad was indeed a special person, he brought nothing but brightness and laughter to the table!
He had great humour! I think that’s one of his biggest personality traits ahaha. Apparently on Christmas, he turned up with his light up Christmas jumper the wrong way round 😂 and you see all the lights glowing from his coat ahaha. He’s so daft lol. He always told us stories of his work life (he had a special job, and yes, it included horses). The charm will give away what he did back then! He honestly wasn’t like any other family member, and I have so many fond memories of him, and especially at his holiday caravan we stayed at to see him too. We used to collect sea shells together and he kept all of them. I’m pretty sure they’re still at the caravan now.
I know some of you may know this already, but I will be getting a tattoo of our nickname in his writing, from the last Christmas card he gave me. Our nickname for each other is “My Mate, Marmite”..and I’m thinking to put some sea shells with it too. He truly brought comfort in my life, and we truly had a special bond.
Unfortunately, I won’t be having any support while attending the funeral, which is going to come up with challenges especially with family. So I genuinely wonder how that’s going to play out. But I’ll be there for him, and nothing else. He’ll be heading back to his favourite place with his late wife too, and their dogs that they’ve had together, after the funeral ❤️🪽
Thank you everyone else, for your messages and support! It truly means a lot to me!
The community is always here for your thoughts throughout this process, especially if you won't have much support while attending the funeral. It sounds heart-warming that at the end of that funeral, he will get to be at peace in his favourite place and reunited with his lost loved ones. He was a lucky man to have been loved by you, Lilibet!
Keep us updated as much as feels comfy throughout this journey, and do check out the places Sian suggested if you feel you need extra support
Hey @Leyla , aww thank you so much!! He truly was such a legend. Your message has made me smile, thank you so much
Thank you so much! Yess, it is definitely a lovely reunion for his close ones
Will do for sure! I am really thankful for all the support and the community!