If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
(TW- Eating Disorder) I think my Parents are worried
Lottie5433
Posts: 636 Incredible Poster
TW: Eating disorder and Self-harm
For a few years now I have struggled with an Eating disorder but its only been in the last year that anyone has known including the GP; as i was diagnosed in December 2023 and started treatment February 2024. I wanted to keep this to myself, and for the most part i did, no one expected it coz i was (still not) what people stereo-typically believe someone to have an ED to look or behave like.
Now to get to why i think my parents are worried
However im scared that they know more because my sister will tell them things when she been rooting through my things but also by my reaction to certain questions or topics and my appearance at times
I just dont know what to do, how can i make them not know anything?
there are still some things they dont know but that wont be for long knowing my luck
For a few years now I have struggled with an Eating disorder but its only been in the last year that anyone has known including the GP; as i was diagnosed in December 2023 and started treatment February 2024. I wanted to keep this to myself, and for the most part i did, no one expected it coz i was (still not) what people stereo-typically believe someone to have an ED to look or behave like.
Now to get to why i think my parents are worried
- Yesterday I went to the Gym and a dance class, here i was talking to my mum's friend about how my therapy might be starting up again but they old therapist was never happy with my going gym daily alongside runs with my dog and fitness classes. This is where i sipped up and told her that i was in therapy for an Eating disorder - i wish i didnt do this coz i think she told my mum later on that day.
- Yesterday evening i was lying on the sofa and as i got up i became really dizzy and had to just stand and wait whilst my eyes and body adjusted. My parents both looked at me with that "concerned Parent" look and i just said i was dizzy, to which my mum said it was coz i didnt eat. so to please her i had a snack but took it to my bedroom. Shortly after she came upstairs she had no reason to go upstairs so she clearly came to "check" on me
- Because it was hot/warm yesterday and i was at the gym i wore shorts most of the day, and i believe my parents saw my self-harm (like its not anything new to them but i dont think they have seen my legs for a while, but also the ones they saw were healed so werent bad or anything. i think they just thought it was isolated to my arms)
- They have also seen more bruises on me, there is 2 potential causes for this though. I could have a blood clotting disorder that my mum has and carries the gene for but i need to have genetic testing if i want to find out if i have it to. i think it is mainly from the lack of nutrients i have - due to not eating enough and my ED behaviours
However im scared that they know more because my sister will tell them things when she been rooting through my things but also by my reaction to certain questions or topics and my appearance at times
I just dont know what to do, how can i make them not know anything?
there are still some things they dont know but that wont be for long knowing my luck
Post edited by Sian321 on
Tagged:
2
Comments
i’m really sorry you’re feeling this way. it sounds like you’re under a lot of pressure, not just from your struggles with your ed and self harm, but also from the fear of your parents knowing too much. that’s a really heavy burden to carry, and i want you to know that you don’t have to go through this alone.
i get why you want to keep things private, sometimes it feels safer that way, like having control over who knows what, but at the same time, it sounds like your parents are genuinely worried because they care about you. even if their concern feels overwhelming or frustrating, it’s coming from a place of love.
that being said, you shouldn’t have to feel like you need to constantly hide or manage what they do and don’t know. it must be exhausting to always be on guard. maybe instead of focusing on making sure they don’t know, you could think about what level of openness would feel safest for you, wether that’s setting boundaries with them, redirecting conversations, or even just reassuring them in a way that doesn’t feel like too much for you?
i know this is all so overwhelming, and i just want you to remember that you’re not alone. you don’t have to go through this by yourself, and you deserve support, whether that’s from your therapist, a trusted friend, or us.
we are all here for you, no judgment, always. please be gentle with yourself
I'd really like to echo what @shannon_164 has said here - while I understand that you don't want your parents to worry about you or to find more out, it does sound as though their worry is coming from a place of genuine care.
I can imagine it might feel really tiring trying to hide parts of what you're feeling, or to feel like you have to catch yourself and watch your reactions in case you 'slip up' and give away information. That's a lot to be monitoring and keeping track of every day.
At the same time, I do also get the sense that having your parents be worried about you or checking up on you might also be feeling a bit suffocating - would that be fair to say? I wonder, what are you most anxious might happen with your parents finding out more or see more of what you're going through? What do you worry the outcome of this might be?
You're doing so well to talk about this, Lottie, and again, I really want to echo what Shannon has said above about just how much you do deserve support. I hear that it's scary letting others see. Maybe it feels terrifying. But it sounds as though things are serious, Lottie, and your health - both physically and emotionally - matters so much. I wonder if there's anything that might help you open up a conversation with your parents in a more safe-feeling way? E.g. to write something down on paper for them to read in a different room. Or to send them a link to a video or website relating to disordered eating and self-harm for them to read in their own time away from you. You deserve to not have to go through all of this behind closed doors.
We're here for you without judgement, and listening to whatever you wish to share at your own pace