Sister and bf

user123 · February 17

Hey guys

So my bf kissed a girl when we were talking to each other. Of course I didn’t like hearing this but we’ve moved on and he is so perfect and caring and I love him so much. My sister recently found out this information and I am worried she doesn’t approve. She said she wouldn’t like it if it was her. I want to talk to her but I’m also scared of what she will say. My mum knew about this at the time and she loves my bf and we are all over it and it doesn’t define our relationship. I’m just disappointed because my sister would’ve viewed our relationship as a fairytale and now that’s ruined. My mum had tried to reassure me by saying my sister said he was single at the time and free to do what he wants but how do I know that’s true? I don’t know what to do. I feel so incredibly worried.

sinead276 · February 17

Hey @user123 hope you're doing okay today.

I can imagine this feels like a tricky situation to be in right now. if you and your boyfriend are in a good place right now and this kiss that happened doesn't impact your relationship, then focus on that. it may be that your sister just feels somewhat protective of you and is worried you may get hurt (which hopefully won't happen). i'd say the most you can do is just tell your sister that you and him are in a good place and that you want her to approve of the relationship in the same way your mum does. but ultimately whatever her opinion is - it's just that. an opinion. I know your sister's opinion is likely to hold more weight than that of others, but fingers crossed she comes around and approves of your partner as it sounds to me like you and him have got a good thing going. just focus on what makes you happy as that is ultimately what is most important.

sending hugs
Sinead

user123 · February 17

Thank you for your help @sinead276. I am not feeling good I feel like my sister does not approve or like my bf anymore. Me and my bf have been together for almost 6 months and this kiss happened before we were together and just talking. I feel annoyed at myself for giving my sister this information and now she’s judging him I feel. If it was all this time ago should it really matter? We are happy together now and it was months ago and when he was single and we weren’t committed to anything. I am worried my sister will have a poor view of my relationship and I can’t cope with it. My sister likes my bf and gets on well with him as they are the same age and have a lot in common as well.

sinead276 · February 18

i think that considering you say you and your boyfriend are happy now, then that's what matters. and if this happened when you weren't "officially" together then it's even more okay as like you said, you hadn't completely committed to each other at that particular moment, just in the 'getting to know each other' phase. i think if or when you feel up to it, you could maybe explain it to your sister how you have on here. telling her that you want her to be happy for you and him, and that you'd like her not to let this one small incident impact her view on your relationship, especially when it doesn't impact the relationship between you and your bf.

i hope it all get figures out and your sister comes back around to supporting your relationship like you want her too. as that is what you deserve

user123 · February 21

Thanks @sinead276 ❤️I was really stressed the other night and ranting to my mum about my worry about this situation and she brought my sister in to speak with me. My sister essentially said to catch a grip and if he makes me happy she approves. My sisters ex boyfriend cheated on her and she said I’m essentially discrediting that by making the this a thing and she wishes her ex kissed someone when he was single or something along them lines I’m not even sure exactly but I want more clarification from her. She said the reason she said she wouldn’t like it is because she was cheated on and has trust issues but what is she trying to say. I am now worried again

sinead276 · February 24

hey @user123 - it sounds like the situation is tricky and still one you're trying your best to navigate.

whilst i don't know for sure exactly what is going on in your sisters mind, from what i can gather (and somewhat guess) i feel as if she's being a protective sister. if her ex boyfriend cheated on her, i feel like she knows the upset that caused her at that time, and essentially doesn't want the same to happen to you. but ultimately if you are happy and your boyfriend treats you right, then there shouldn't be an issue - especially since this kiss wasn't technically during your 'official' relationship. it sounds like your sister has these trust issues herself that she is trying to work through, and may (without realising it) be putting these on you. try not to let it get to you and focus on your happiness. i think it might be one of those situations where time is the best healer of it all and in time things will figure themselves out. at the end of the day, your boyfriend isn't the same type of person as her ex, and if he makes you happy and you trust him, time will show that to your sister.

hope you're doing okay - and you're doing so well in navigating all this

user123 · February 25

Hey @sinead276 I feel like I have ruined everything. I have been so distressed all day and my mum spoke to me. She was trying to get me to understand that my sister saying it wouldn’t work for her doesn’t mean it was my boyfriend doing anything wrong at the time, just that she has trust issues and is still dealing with these issues. She reminded me that my sister had said making this a situation is discrediting the fact that she was cheated on and that I don’t have any problems essentially because my boyfriend was single at the time and I was lucky and I’m essentially invalidating her experience by making a big deal out of this. But I am so worried about what she thinks. I have an exam in a few days (on friday) and I genuinely cannot do any work for it with this going on in my head. I feel like I’m at a loss and can’t manage it. I don’t want to defer my exam to august because that’s more stress weighing over me rather than having a clean break. I just want my life back before all of this and I’m so frustrated that I even have my sister this information in the first place. I can’t bring it up with anyone anymore either. I think my mum also said that my sister had said that if I’m happy and it’s working for me then she supports it but I feel like my sister no longer sees my relationship as a fairytale and that image has been distrorted. How can I accept this and move past it when it feels like there’s no way forward? I really don’t know what else to do.

Orchid059 · March 2

@user123 I’m so sorry you’re going through this, it sounds really tough. It’s completely understandable that you’re feeling overwhelmed, especially with everything on your mind right now on top of your exam. How did you exam go btw?

Relationships, family dynamics, and our own emotions can all intertwine in ways that make everything feel heavy. You're not alone in feeling conflicted about this, and it’s okay to be unsure about how to process it. From what you've said, it sounds like you're torn between caring for your sister’s feelings, trying to hold onto your own relationship, and managing your own emotions about all of this. It’s a lot to juggle at once, especially with the added pressure of the upcoming exam. It’s okay to have complex emotions about your relationship, your sister's perspective, and how things are unfolding. You’re navigating not only your own emotions but also family dynamics and your sister's unresolved past experiences. Your mum seems to be trying to help you see things from your sister’s perspective, but that doesn’t mean your feelings are invalid. It’s tough when other people’s unresolved issues are projected onto you, and it can create a confusing space to try to find clarity. It’s okay to feel conflicted, and it's also okay to acknowledge that your relationship matters to you, even if others might not see it the same way.

As for your sister’s opinion, it’s clear you care deeply about how she views things. But remember, your relationship is ultimately yours, and no one else’s judgment can define what’s right for you. It’s natural to be impacted by someone else's thoughts, but it's also important to honor your own feelings and experiences.

Finally, it’s important to allow yourself space to process everything at your own pace. You don’t have to have it all figured out right now. You don’t need to have a perfect relationship with your sister or solve everything today. Start with giving yourself permission to feel what you feel without needing to rush through it or make it all okay immediately. It’s okay to take things one step at a time.

Sister and bf

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