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Taking things personally
Creativeboy23
Posts: 329 The Mix Regular
I have struggled with taking things personally for a while. I know there will be others with this challenge. There is also this community and other support out there, so I am not alone, but it has made me feel isolated and different at organisations for a long time. I remember when a friend said that I needed my work seen more, and the manager told me not to be engrossed in an area at a company I used to work at, making me create different stories.
I have been trying to reframe their comments as constructive criticism. My previous manager would have likely told me how to complete my area because I told her I struggled with completing the men’s aisles when I was working at the organisation. My friend would have probably wanted to encourage me to present my work across more applications because he has been putting his work into books and thought I could do something similar since I am very talented at design.
Comments still feel personal, though, even when I try to look at situations from others’ viewpoints. However, I have been doing my best, and I took the step to challenge the thought that others' comments are always personal, which is excellent.
People have told me not to take things personally, which has felt very invalidating, leaving me very isolated and unheard. It is possible that they wanted to help and did not want to see me upset. They may not have been able to relate to my experience, and not everyone will understand, but I have been feeling the way I do because I do not feel others have sympathised with my experience. So, I do not think I have anyone to turn to for validation, increasing my loneliness. It is not accurate, which can be confirmed by what I mentioned earlier. I have also received validation from others when I have shared my feelings, so there are people I can turn to.
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I hope you have all had a lovely christmas.
Reading through your post I got the sense that you've spent quite a bit of time feeling unheard (like you mention at the end). I know there are moments where you can look at the situation logically and be aware of the fact that you're not alone and yet at the same time emotionally there's this uncertainty about what other's reaction will be to what you're feeling.
I also want to acknowledge how challenging it can be to reframe those thoughts that make you feel worse. It's pretty impressive that you're putting in the effort to understand a different perspective. I think it's okay that comments can still feel personal, it takes time for that reframing to become more of a natural response rather than one you have to actively work on. I hope you are able to be gentle with yourself as you go through this process.
I also hope you had a lovely Christmas too!