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Felt isolated and targeted at pool
Creativeboy23
Posts: 329 The Mix Regular
Hello.
I felt a pool group member embarrassed me in front of the others when he said that I could not make it to the cinema last Sunday but could make it with friends tomorrow. My friend likely made that comment because he felt jealous and made it personal that I could not make it to the cinema. However, he probably did not mean it to come off across negatively. I would likely feel the same as him if the situation was reversed, but I felt isolated and targeted when he made that remark. The others seemed to have laughed after he made the comment. It is possible, though, that it may have had nothing to do with what he said to me, but I caught them laughing and interpreted the laughter as related to what he said. It made me think they supported his comment regardless. I remembered when my counsellor asked me yesterday to ask myself if something I was upset about was worth my energy. It made me think I should move past situations which really affect me. So, I feel confused about whether to talk about my emotions.
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No one has responded to my threads. I have been unable to get through to SHOUT, so I have been stuck with my experiences, which upset me. I understand there are a lot of threads others have to respond to, people have busy lives, and there is a massive demand for the helpline SHOUT, causing delays in reaching people. However, I have been feeling ignored, which makes me very lonely.
It sounds like you’re trying to balance a lot of different feelings - understanding why your friend might have said what he did, wondering if the laughter was directed at you, and even considering what your counsellor said about where to put your energy. With all that in mind, it’s natural to feel uncertain about how to respond. You mentioned feeling ignored and struggling to reach out to others for support, and that can be incredibly tough.
Would it help to explore what’s making this situation stick with you? Or maybe talk about how you feel about opening up to your friend or even others in your life? No matter what, your feelings are valid, and we're here to listen.
^Just picking up on this too - we're sorry your thread didn't get a response until now. We can see it's been a busy time on the boards and this can sometimes result in threads getting missed. It's never intentional but this doesn't take away from how it made you feel, particularly when you've been having difficulty getting through to Shout too. We know that wait times can be longer at specific times of the day. I'll pop some other services below that you can always reach out to should you need some more support:
Hello @Gemma.
You are mistaken. I am trying to balance a lot of feelings, but I am also looking at the whole picture of the situation at the pool group.
Yes. I meant that I felt ignored and lonely when I did not get a response on here and from SHOUT. I did not mean in general. However, I know it was not intentional. I was empathising with you about the experience and empathised with SHOUT. I highlighted that there are other threads you have to respond to and that there is high demand for the helpline etc., so that may be the reason why I did not get a response. I am left feeling that I am misunderstood and I am not listened to. I know that it was not meant to come across that way, although it has made me think others do not recognise when I am trying to take a broader perspective. I feel others will try to get me to take a big picture view when I already am. It makes me feel very isolated and unheard. I know that was not your intention. You were likely repeating what I said for clarification and to show you have listened, but it is how I feel.
The situation at the pool group stuck with me because the others were talking and laughing with the pool group member when he made the comment to me, as if nothing happened. He disregarded my feelings when I told him that I was upset about him telling me that I never make it to pool because I have occasionally missed it due to personal obligations, therefore I am unable to open up to him about how I feel. I felt excluded. No one really acknowledged me. It has always been the case whenever I have joined group. I said hello to everyone and not many people seemed interested but when my friend came, most people said hi. It is possible that they were distracted with their own things, but was alert when my friend came. I am planning to talk to one of the staff at bowling about it, as she is also a staff member at pool.
Thank you for sending me the other services.
I totally heard your empathy for Shout and why you might not have got a response from other members of the community here too - you're right that I was reflecting the same sentiments back to you that you had already shared (that these things are never intentional). I certainly wasn't trying to suggest you hadn't thought of these things already - apologies if it came across that way. But it's valid for you to have felt the way you did.
I'm sorry that the pool group members disregarded your feelings and that the others in the group were talking and laughing when it happened. It also sounds really difficult to not really be acknowledged or shown interest in, within the group whenever you join. It sounds like when your friend joined, they did start showing interest and saying hello to you. You're right that these things can happen for many reasons - it could be that they were distracted like you said. But I also understand why you might consider other possibilities too. It's good to hear you have a member of staff that you can go to, to speak about it some more.
Please know you’re not alone in this, and your reflections and feelings are deeply valid. If you ever want to unpack more, we're here to listen.