Overwhelmed - preparing for uni

I’m going to uni in September, and there’s still soooooo much that needs to be done before then. It feels insurmountable.

I’ve finally decided where I’m going, and now I need to book accommodation. There are too many decisions, I hate decisions 😭 Plus, just to over-complicate things even further, I’m autistic so I need to provide them with information about that first. I dont know what I’m supposed to tell them. They literally want a description of how my life is affected by my autism/anxiety, and I don’t even know that. And anyway, that’s intensely personal. I have no idea how I’m gonna write it 😭😭
They need evidence from a doctor too and i dont know if the evidence we have is gonna be good enough. It’s just so hard because this is all so official. I need my parents to help so I don’t mess it all up, but that severely limits the times we can do it. There are deadlines for these things, and some of them are hard to find (like they don’t tell us a deadline for the disability forms, you have to go looking for it on the website).

I still don’t know how to function like a normal person. I dont know if my parents are supposed to teach me basic life skills like cooking and cleaning etc, but they seem to expect me to just magically know them one day.

It’s just too much adult stuff. I’m almost 19 but I’m not an adult at all, and this is all too much for me. I feel so left behind. People in my year at school have literally done a year of uni now, and here I am still unable to use a microwave. I’m so scared I’m never gonna be independent.

I know these things are probably so insignificant but they feel huge and impossible. I can’t do this on my own. I dont know how anyone can. And my parents are just annoyed with me. Why do we get forced to grow up so fast? 😭

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lunarcat522

Hey @AnonymousToe I'm in a similar situation to you, starting uni for the first time in September. I'm not sure whether you're meaning if the university or the accommodation would like to know. For university I've recently had an initial appointment with student support who suggested arranging an educational psychology assessment on my behalf which can help highlight where your personal difficulties lie within an educational setting. I am waiting on receiving the report which can then also be used for justification for DSA requests. It might be worth emailing student support to get a better idea of what they are looking for.

I get being reliant on your parents, it's also something I'm working on as I'm a similar age to you. It doesn't have to be a complete break-away but you could maybe think about attempting small steps towards independence if you can manage it, so if you're able to, you can do things on your own schedule. Sorry to hear your parents are annoyed with you, is it frustration or stress possibly?

It sounds like such a tough situation and I'm sorry to hear you're struggling

I don't have much advice as I think it's one of those things where you will only know how everything goes when the time comes and I know that's probably not useful in the moment but unfortunately that's sometimes the way it goes.

AnonymousToe

Hi @lunarcat522 thanks for replying

It’s actually both the uni itself and the accommodation people who want to know how to support me etc., which makes it even more overwhelming. I have to first give them some information and then I’ll have like a meeting with them to discuss things, I’m guessing that’s kind of like what you had.
I don’t want to email anyone because I’m just painfully oblivious to the secret social rules and I’ll probably get myself into trouble. People often think I’m being really rude and horrible when I had no idea. So it’s just safer to avoid that entirely.

My parents just don’t understand. They think everything is so easy because I’m not at school and there’s nothing really going on for me right now, but this uni stuff is just so much. They think I’m being lazy but I’m genuinely struggling. I suppose you’re right though, I guess my parents are probably stressed too.

I was supposed to be applying for DSA too but that’s super complicated and we haven’t got that far yet.

Former Member

Hey @AnonymousToe , I honestly don't have much advice but I just wanted to say that once this is all done, it really pays off. When I started uni, I got a lot of support which made things like learning to be independent a lot easier! Just because you don't feel independent now, you may do later and even if not, that's still so ok cause life is hard and everyone needs support sometimes.

One thing you could do is try making a list of everything that needs to get done and everything you're worried about. This might help you stay on track with things like deadlines and could mean your parents could help you without you having to actively guide them.

AnonymousToe

So overwhelmed I could scream 😭

Katie12

Hey @AnonymousToe i'd say its totally normal for the tranistion to university to feel overwhelming but it definitely sounds like you're in a tricky situation.
I have just finished my 3 years at university and honestly i didnt think i would last a month there! I did not know how to cook properly or anything like that to begin with but it is an adjustment that i got used to and now i love cooking!! Definitely started off with pesto pasta a lot

but i have gradually got better and hopefully once you've tried a few times you will too! It can definitely feel overwhelming though which is difficult but during your first few weeks there will be so much support to help you!
I hope you are feeling a little less overwhelmed this week and hopefully as the time gets nearer you will also feel a little excitement too! If you have any questions though about going to uni i would be happy to help

sinead276

@AnonymousToe - just wanted to echo what Katie has said really. University can be a daunting experience for many. I remember feeling so anxious during my first few weeks, and even before hand stressing about different forms i had to complete and stuff was stressful. But llike anything the hardest step is the first one and things can gradually get easier. both for my undergraduate degree and my masters I've felt that one its started, things often tend to fall into place and its a lot less stressful than we imagined it to be

But most universities have a range of support services available (I know mine did) that are always willing to help however they can. Like Katie said, any future questions you have about university, feel free to ask them and we'll try to help however we can

lunarcat522

AnonymousToe wrote: »

My parents just don’t understand. They think everything is so easy because I’m not at school and there’s nothing really going on for me right now, but this uni stuff is just so much. They think I’m being lazy but I’m genuinely struggling. I suppose you’re right though, I guess my parents are probably stressed too.

I was supposed to be applying for DSA too but that’s super complicated and we haven’t got that far yet.

Hey @AnonymousToe quickly checking in. I can really relate to the above and unfortunately for me it's turned into a bit of a facade at home regarding my mental health (for the best) but I speak to my friends and student support about it.

You could maybe contact the university student support about your concerns and see if they have any enhanced transitions or if you could arrange for a tour or to talk to members of the faculty for your subject?

I'm also having a certain amount of difficulty applying for DSA so I completely get where you're coming from.

I should be applying maybe start of next month so I could update you on how it goes

AnonymousToe

lunarcat522 wrote: »

Hey @AnonymousToe quickly checking in. I can really relate to the above and unfortunately for me it's turned into a bit of a facade at home regarding my mental health (for the best) but I speak to my friends and student support about it.

You could maybe contact the university student support about your concerns and see if they have any enhanced transitions or if you could arrange for a tour or to talk to members of the faculty for your subject?

I'm also having a certain amount of difficulty applying for DSA so I completely get where you're coming from.

I should be applying maybe start of next month so I could update you on how it goes

Hi @lunarcat522 sorry, I forgot to reply!
I hope you’re doing ok now.
Since I last posted, I’ve managed to give the uni the information they need and I’ve had a meeting with the support people - I should hopefully have access to extra transition support, and they said that my subject department might get in touch to talk to me as well. I think it’s slowly falling into place now. They did say to apply for DSA too so hopefully I can work that out lol.

lunarcat522

@AnonymousToe No worries! That's great news! Glad that everything seems to be working out