Help! I'm Lonely | I Feel Lonely | Online Help With Loneliness | The Mix

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  plop Posts: 1 Just got here

  January 3 edited January 3

  Hello I Am new here and I dont suffer from any mental illnes or anything like that. Matter of fact I have never been sad or depressed before. I am feeling very lost sometimes
  
  Almost 2 years ago I met my girl (I live with her) and she has stopped hurting herself since then. She has borderline and she tried to kill herself before. Today I saw she had self-harmed and I confronted her about it. She got very mad and wanted to be alone. I am in charge of her pills and I have taken time off from my job so I can be at home with her for the last weeks (when I noticed she is feeling down). But I don’t know how am I suppose to talk with her about all of this.
  
  Like I said before I have no knowledge about borderline but the research I have made. Would like some thoughts and opinions how I can confront in a better way or how I can talk about it so she doesn’t feel attacked.
  
  Thank you very much❤️

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  Gemma Community Manager Posts: 610 Incredible Poster

  January 3

  @plop thank you for reaching out to us here on the community, it's great to have you here
  
  It can be really frightening and upsetting to see people we care about struggling. It sounds like you are doing so much to be there for them, taking time off work to look after them and trying to learn more about how you can broach the subject with them.
  
  I have just edited your post slightly to take out the reference to the specific method of self-harm you mentioned, just in keeping with our community guidelines. You're not in any trouble at all, we don't expect you to have read these guidelines yet! Just wanted to give you a heads up if you noticed it had been edited.
  
  It's really positive that you have reached out here and I'm sure the community will have some guidance of their own for you. When you say she has borderline, is this borderline personality disorder (BPD)? I know the community had some discussions about this topic before (e.g., this thread might be helpful in giving some info on treatment options and tips on DBT skills).
  
  I can really hear how tough it is to want to talk to them about it and for them to open up to you, but that's a tricky balance with ensuring they don't feel attacked or pressured to chat. It might be good to ask her what she feels would be helpful for her. You don't have to have all the answers - none of us do! Sometimes just validating their feelings, acknowledging everything they're going through, and sticking with them through it can be really powerful in itself. Reassuring someone that we are there for them and letting them know we are here whenever they feel ready to talk can go a long way in making someone feel heard and safe. We all need our space and boundaries respected so sometimes we don't always feel able to talk about things. But some gentle reassurance and checking in can help keep that door open for when they do feel comfy talking.
  
  There are many services that can help support someone with self-harm, such as apps like Calm Harm and distrACT, or support services like the National Self Harm Network and Self-Injury Support which might be helpful signposts to recommend to them.
  
  There are some articles that you might like to check out too, a couple from YoungMinds on supporting a friend with their mental health and supporting a partner with their mental health. We also have our own articles on supporting someone who self-harms, and supporting a partner who self-harms.
  
  We're all here for you - keep reaching out

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