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An important thing for me

One-in-a-millionOne-in-a-million Posts: 606 Incredible Poster
in Sex & Relationships
So in the past I’ve been used to people not listening when I say “no” this hasn’t been intercorse just touching or when some has tried to kiss me. This however had made me uncomfortable at the thought of sex, like “if I can’t trust someone to take their hands from me when I ask then what if I can’t trust someone to stop when I say.”

But as it happens I did find the “courage” I guess to trust someone and since then I have slowly become more confident in allowing someone to you know. I am however still quite nervous is this department but he has been really good about it and checks in regularly.

So the other night I went his and while we were in the middle of things he was about to do something I wasn’t up for. I knew that I needed to say something but I won’t lie I was a bit anxious but just said “Can we not do that, I’m ok I just don’t feel up for that.”

And he didn’t make a deal about it or make it into an awkward conversation or anything he just simply didn’t do it.

It sounds silly but this has put me so much at ease. I obviously trusted him anyway I wouldn’t have done anything with him if I didn’t but I don’t know what it was it just kinda gave me peace of mind that he immediately stopped no questions asked.

Comments

  • JustVJustV Inactive Posts: 5,638 Part of The Furniture
    Amazing what simple respect of boundaries can do @One-in-a-million. So glad you got to have this experience and feel safe with someone - it can be a real game changer. :)
    All behaviour is a need trying to be met.
    The truth resists simplicity.
    I no longer work at The Mix! If you need anything, message or tag @TheMix
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 271 The Mix Regular
    @One-in-a-million That sounds good, and it's important to have your personal boundaries and be respected. And it's good that you found someone who can be trusted.
  • M3GANx04M3GANx04 Posts: 61 Boards Initiate
    One-in-a-million wrote: »
    So in the past I’ve been used to people not listening when I say “no” this hasn’t been intercorse just touching or when some has tried to kiss me. This however had made me uncomfortable at the thought of sex, like “if I can’t trust someone to take their hands from me when I ask then what if I can’t trust someone to stop when I say.”

    But as it happens I did find the “courage” I guess to trust someone and since then I have slowly become more confident in allowing someone to you know. I am however still quite nervous is this department but he has been really good about it and checks in regularly.

    So the other night I went his and while we were in the middle of things he was about to do something I wasn’t up for. I knew that I needed to say something but I won’t lie I was a bit anxious but just said “Can we not do that, I’m ok I just don’t feel up for that.”

    And he didn’t make a deal about it or make it into an awkward conversation or anything he just simply didn’t do it.

    It sounds silly but this has put me so much at ease. I obviously trusted him anyway I wouldn’t have done anything with him if I didn’t but I don’t know what it was it just kinda gave me peace of mind that he immediately stopped no questions asked.

    It's so lovely that you've found someone who respects your boundaries and makes you feel comfortable. That's so important in relationships.
    I've found that things like this can be a nice reminder that not all people are bad. Some people can be trusted, and intimacy isn't something to be afraid of. Intimacy is a beautiful thing if you let it be.
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