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Self acceptance
SpaceOtter
Community Champion Posts: 817 Part of The Mix Family
Hiya, happy Saturday!
Ive been thinking about certain things a lot lately, parts of my identity I try my very best to ignore. But it’s getting harder and harder too.
These things aren’t a big deal, logically I know they don’t really matter, if I was tell people in my life I doubt their opinion of me would change. But it still leaves me feeling so conflicted.
I struggle with certain tasks, things that are easy for most. I was diagnosed with something when I was little, but the professionals believed I had enough skills to get on in life without extra support. It’s not a diagnosis I’ve ever really accepted, mentioning it makes me feel guilty. Like I’m using it as an excuse because even trained professionals agreed I could cope on my own.
Sometimes the simplest of tasks leave me on the verge of tears. In the moment I feel so weak and useless.
But then I’ll read something or talk to someone with the same diagnosis and it all sounds so familiar. And I wonder for a second if maybe my mind really does work differently and that’s why I struggle. Maybe I’m not just lazy.
Family members have mentioned the diagnosis has become more noticeable as I’ve gotten older. That always makes my gut twist. Makes me feel embarrassed. I don’t think I’m trying hard enough to fit in anymore.
I started a course recently and it’s been tough. Mostly the people side has been difficult. Everyone is so nice though. But it’s a small class and it Feels like its split into two groups and I don’t fit in either. I just feel so lonely whenever I’m there. I come home and I feel so icky. I spend hours replaying everything.
This is going to sound really petty and weak, but I’ve also felt extremely jealous lately, I’ve met some people very open with their sexualities. I know they have their own struggles and I don’t know what battles they’ve thought to get to that point but I can’t help but feel almost angry. They fully embrace who they are , while I still feel like my hearts going to explode anytime I admit i might be anything other that straight. They are rightfully proud of their identities , however I can barely accept my own.
Sorry for the ramble. These things have just been weighing on my mind a lot lately.
Take care, hope you have a great day! Always happy to listen if anyone ever needs someone to vent too
Ive been thinking about certain things a lot lately, parts of my identity I try my very best to ignore. But it’s getting harder and harder too.
These things aren’t a big deal, logically I know they don’t really matter, if I was tell people in my life I doubt their opinion of me would change. But it still leaves me feeling so conflicted.
I struggle with certain tasks, things that are easy for most. I was diagnosed with something when I was little, but the professionals believed I had enough skills to get on in life without extra support. It’s not a diagnosis I’ve ever really accepted, mentioning it makes me feel guilty. Like I’m using it as an excuse because even trained professionals agreed I could cope on my own.
Sometimes the simplest of tasks leave me on the verge of tears. In the moment I feel so weak and useless.
But then I’ll read something or talk to someone with the same diagnosis and it all sounds so familiar. And I wonder for a second if maybe my mind really does work differently and that’s why I struggle. Maybe I’m not just lazy.
Family members have mentioned the diagnosis has become more noticeable as I’ve gotten older. That always makes my gut twist. Makes me feel embarrassed. I don’t think I’m trying hard enough to fit in anymore.
I started a course recently and it’s been tough. Mostly the people side has been difficult. Everyone is so nice though. But it’s a small class and it Feels like its split into two groups and I don’t fit in either. I just feel so lonely whenever I’m there. I come home and I feel so icky. I spend hours replaying everything.
This is going to sound really petty and weak, but I’ve also felt extremely jealous lately, I’ve met some people very open with their sexualities. I know they have their own struggles and I don’t know what battles they’ve thought to get to that point but I can’t help but feel almost angry. They fully embrace who they are , while I still feel like my hearts going to explode anytime I admit i might be anything other that straight. They are rightfully proud of their identities , however I can barely accept my own.
Sorry for the ramble. These things have just been weighing on my mind a lot lately.
Take care, hope you have a great day! Always happy to listen if anyone ever needs someone to vent too
You're awesome!
1
Comments
What you are going through sounds really distressing and alot to manage. Being diagnosed with any condition is difficult and it takes alot of time to learn how to adapt your life to fit the needs of your diagnosed condition, and it can take even longer to accept that you have anything at all. It could be good to talk to your doctor about what you are having trouble with, there maybe be things that they can do for you to help you perform task you struggle with e.g physiotherapy. While it can be very scary to do this, I promise it will be worth as they will do what they can to help you.
With accepting and exploring your sexuality, everybody has a different journey, some people find it very easy to accept themselves, but others struggle like you do. It seems to me that you are anagry with yourself and frustrated with your complex feelings, but there is nothing wrong with your feelings, it is the start of your journey. I think a good thing to do would be to talk to people about their own experiences of discovering and accepting themselves. This could be really useful and may give you some idea on how you can explore your identity.
I hope that you can work through everything and get all the support you need, you deserve to be happy and accepted
It sounds like you are going through a really transformative time in your life right now, where you are starting to be more open to who you really are. This might be tough but I think it will be a really pivotal point in your life.
Never feel like you are using your diagnosis as an excuse. Your diagnosis is valid, your struggles are valid, and you are valid.
I'm certain that you are not lazy. It's just that how you navigate the world is a bit different from other people and that's okay.
You say that as your diagnosis has become more visible you feel like you are not trying hard enough to fit in. I just want you to know that you don't have to fit in. The world is full of wonderful variation. They say that if everyone was the same the world would be boring.
Starting a new course can be tricky and understandably the people part of it can be a struggle. I'm sorry that you don't feel like you don't belong, that must be really tough. I would say give it some time and as long as you are friendly you should get along with people just fine. But if it doesn't work out in time, know that there will be other groups of people in this world were you will feel more at home, you just haven't found them yet, but don't stop looking. You say that you replay everything when you get home, so make sure you have something nice planned in the evenings. Watch your favourite tv show, take up a hobby, just try to fill your time with other things so you have less time to sit and replay everything on repeat.
Understandably you feel jealous that other people seem to have reached a state of acceptance and positivity. That's not 'petty' or 'weak' but just shows your desire to reach the same state of acceptance yourself and wanting to accept yourself is a massively positive first step on your way to that end goal.
Sending hugs your way