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am I being unreasonable to go no contact
downtherabbithole
Posts: 32 Boards Initiate
I've got in contact w/ enable2works and they are going to help me leave home and become independent and they can start working w/ me once I'm 16. My mum is aware of this and has asked if she can visit, I told her yes when really I mean no. She's asked where I'd be moving to and I gave her the name of a place she knows I'm really fond of (so she is not under any suspicion that I but I don't intend to live there. She says it's important we keep in contact because she sees things that I don't and she wants to keep me safe (which I believe)
My mum has always meant well and done a mostly good job of providing for me. She's not all bad. However she's been under a lot of stress and been verbally abusive towards me my entire life, and at times in early childhood, she was neglectful to punish me and an isolated incident where she was physically abusive; banging my head against my brothers, I was about toddler age, and it could've been very serious. She denies it ever happened.
Whenever I am around her she makes some comment or starts ranting about things that have happened in throughout my life to have a go at me. First I try to walk away, however, I made a habit of this and she has started telling me me not to leave. So I say whatever needs to be said to shut the conversation down as quickly as possible, such as agreeing when I actually don't. I know not to argue or talk back, or she will escalate the argument and continue for a long time. If she's not talking to me, she's looking at me like like I'm a suspect who's done something really bad or as though she's angry at me.
I mostly avoid her. It's incredibly draining to be around her and highly stressful to the point where I genuinly feel like passing out. I don't spend much time in other areas of the house in fear of encountering her.
When I move out, I wouldn't want her to know where I lived, I wouldn't want her in my house or garden, I want to be away from her so that I can live my life free of her.
Am I being unreasonable?
My mum has always meant well and done a mostly good job of providing for me. She's not all bad. However she's been under a lot of stress and been verbally abusive towards me my entire life, and at times in early childhood, she was neglectful to punish me and an isolated incident where she was physically abusive; banging my head against my brothers, I was about toddler age, and it could've been very serious. She denies it ever happened.
Whenever I am around her she makes some comment or starts ranting about things that have happened in throughout my life to have a go at me. First I try to walk away, however, I made a habit of this and she has started telling me me not to leave. So I say whatever needs to be said to shut the conversation down as quickly as possible, such as agreeing when I actually don't. I know not to argue or talk back, or she will escalate the argument and continue for a long time. If she's not talking to me, she's looking at me like like I'm a suspect who's done something really bad or as though she's angry at me.
I mostly avoid her. It's incredibly draining to be around her and highly stressful to the point where I genuinly feel like passing out. I don't spend much time in other areas of the house in fear of encountering her.
When I move out, I wouldn't want her to know where I lived, I wouldn't want her in my house or garden, I want to be away from her so that I can live my life free of her.
Am I being unreasonable?
3
Comments
I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all. You need to do what’s best for you and your mental well being. You and your feelings come first
I’m sorry about all the things that happened. We’re always here to listen if you ever need anything. And I wish you all the best.
I'm really glad to hear that you've gotten support and doing something for you, that is going to benefit you.
I'm sorry to hear what your mum has and is still doing. I think you deserve to live in a space where you feel safe and comfortable, and you're so courageous for taking that step to be independent.
I completely understand why you would want to be on your own, and it's your decision whether you want your mum to know where you are. You are the most important person in your life.
I hope you're okay, and the process goes smoothly. We're always here if you need to talk to anyone. Best wishes x