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How do you do it?

Kyle1997Kyle1997 Posts: 2 Literally just got here
I've tried everything I can think of. I know what I want, I want to find someone to love and who will love me. But I cant make them stay. I am too clingy which only gets worse with each rejection. I know I have a lot to offer but it feels like I cant even act like a person anymore and its the leading cause of my depression, being alone. So how do you do it, how do you act like a normal person and get the girl?

Comments

  • HowDoYouTalkAboutItHowDoYouTalkAboutIt Posts: 56 Boards Initiate
    @Kyle1997 you don't need to act like a normal person. The best piece of advice I can give you and I tell this to my friends is that you are perfect, you may not see it but others do in you. You being klingy isn't a bad thing it's part of what makes you you and being you is what people in a relationship want. If you have to put on an act to get someone to like you then they don't love you they love the act your putting on. 

    If you want and are ready for a relationship go out there and look for one but be yourself and be comfortable being yourself and I know this can be hard but the right person is out there and will find you and will love you and all you quirks but be yourself and it will do you favour but I do understand it is hard. 

    I wish you all the best and hope this can be of some help. Xx
    Mike
  • aamna1998aamna1998 Posts: 4 Newbie
    Don't change yourself for anyone. There is no such thing as normal.Everyone is special in their own way. You just haven;t found the right person yet. And don't force it.Whatever is yours will find it's way to you and nothing can ever take it away. So just hang in there. you're doing what you can by being who you truly are. don't change it for the anyone.
    Mike
  • MikeMike 🎧 LandaanPosts: 3,607 Community Manager
    edited May 2020
    Some really solid advice here from @HowDoYouTalkAboutIt and @aamna1998 :)

    I'm not sure if this is a helpful thing to say, but I've found it to be true for both myself and for the other people in my life, so I'm going to say it: amazing people come along when you're not looking very hard.

    When you're looking for a relationship, maybe going on dates quite often and using different apps, meeting lots of new people, etc. it can naturally feel... demotivating. Dating and meeting people involves a lot of rejection by nature and it can make it feel like the universe is against you, when really you're feeling fatigued by running into so many potential relationships that don't work. That can lead to self-criticism and even cynicism, and it's a cycle I've seen myself and people I know get stuck in. And it's really not fun.

    When you're outside of that cycle and in a healthier headspace, it can be easier to connect with people on a genuine level and really enjoy the whole process of getting to know someone.

    I would also say it might be worth getting introspective here. Why do you want a relationship @Kyle1997?

    I ask because it's often the case that people want someone to love them, or to love someone, because it fills some kind of hole; an internal need they have (e.g. validation). I've been there myself. And so often when that's the motivation for trying to find love, it doesn't go well because you're not looking for the things that will actually form a healthy, sustainable relationship with another person.

    I'm not saying this is what you're doing, by the way. :) I'm just sharing what I've personally learned and observed around the subject of relationships, and some things that might be worth thinking about.

    I also feel like the best romantic relationships evolve from good friendships (at least in my experience).
    All behaviour is a need trying to be met.

    Want to join the community champions? Drop @TheMix a message!
    Knowledgepower14Jordan
  • Knowledgepower14Knowledgepower14 Posts: 7 Confirmed not a robot
    Hello @Kyle1997

    What everyone else has said is perfectly true, never feel the need to change yourself for anyone! There's too many people in this world for you to stress about how people view you, there'll always be people around who think the world of you. Being lonely always sucks, but taking small steps can help bridge that gap. Perhaps find new ways to make friends? Expressing your hobbies will allow you to meet likeminded people, likewise there are plenty of apps avaliable now that you can make friends on, that's worked for me. Take these small steps, remind yourself that you are wonderful, and eventually everything will fall into place. Being clingy isn't a bad thing, just pace yourself and use this time to discover things about yourself. You'll find that perfect someone someday, it'll fall into place and will naturally evolve from an attraction/friendship.

    So good luck! And always be proud of who you are. 


    Mike
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