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Emotional and physical stuff
tkdog
Posts: 281 The Mix Regular
I probably talked about this before but i'm feeling particularly low and also just need somewhere to talk.
Things are improving in someways that i have a job but i feel kinda empty inside and i dont exactly do much else but that job. It is hard when im not settled in to the job what to know to do.
And every weekend i spend feeling bad because i have nothing to do and i cant even use my pc because it hurts the eyes also my eyes generally already tired so i cant play games.
That i dont have much friends but the ones i do (mainly) my dad doesnt know about so i have to lie who it is that is stress .
and if im going any siginificant distance they always ask why and why dont u meet up somewhere nearer. Like why cant i go a little further it is my own choice where to go. I won't be able to go on holiday with them cuz again they dont know them and i dun wanna talk about them cuz it feels like personal life.
And this is even tho im like old enough to do what i want and technically i could just leave and go anywhere. But i can't because i have to live here for my job. At least for now. I could live nearby somewhere else but i wanted to save money. Although tbh even if i tried to my parents are too clingy and i don't have the will to push against them and even if i like say i dont like something very small im told to shut up because im getting annoying. I sometimes wish that i took a job elsewhere but most of the good jobs are close to where i live.. unless i go abroad.
I guess also with my physical health because my dad keeps coming to my appointments which is helpful for some cos i get anxious and the doctors often me me feel unhappy as they don't listen but also bad because my symptoms are misdescribed or there are things i dont want to talk in front of ya know (i sometimes ask for my dad to leave tho temporarily but not always can do). And i have been waiting more than a year to get help from the doctors but the doctors firstly dont listen to what i said the problem was to begin with and write everything down different. But also dont believe me cos even tho it is physical cos it is neck issue it is hard to physically see. It affects my breathing and day to day stuff but it isn't see as urgent and when i ask for help i get put on a 5 month wait list and the gp said something like im only doing it to make u feel better. Yet it is a dislocation type related issue and i feel that it wouldnt be that hard to solve surely with medical advances but even some medieval style treatment ya know nobody has even acknowledged the problem being there. I want to go private but i dont know who to go to and since it is preexisting dont think my insurance covers it. But it is so terrible.
Also got head tension issues so when i sleep sometimes i sleep in a bad position which affects my back and ears and stuff so its not good. The doctor try to give me drugs for it but bad idea cuz it will go away eventually and the side effects of this drug were very bad. As they would magnify any depressive thoughts, give u dry eyes (i already use computer very long and the doctor knows this) among some other effects. Which would surely give me more pain instead. As well as the fact i can't swallow bitter big drugs and everytime i have to that is just pain to me.
Sorry if that didn't come out clearly just hard to gather my thoughts. Also i know ppl here aren't qualified to give medical advice. But i need to talk because it is going on so long.
Things are improving in someways that i have a job but i feel kinda empty inside and i dont exactly do much else but that job. It is hard when im not settled in to the job what to know to do.
And every weekend i spend feeling bad because i have nothing to do and i cant even use my pc because it hurts the eyes also my eyes generally already tired so i cant play games.
That i dont have much friends but the ones i do (mainly) my dad doesnt know about so i have to lie who it is that is stress .
and if im going any siginificant distance they always ask why and why dont u meet up somewhere nearer. Like why cant i go a little further it is my own choice where to go. I won't be able to go on holiday with them cuz again they dont know them and i dun wanna talk about them cuz it feels like personal life.
And this is even tho im like old enough to do what i want and technically i could just leave and go anywhere. But i can't because i have to live here for my job. At least for now. I could live nearby somewhere else but i wanted to save money. Although tbh even if i tried to my parents are too clingy and i don't have the will to push against them and even if i like say i dont like something very small im told to shut up because im getting annoying. I sometimes wish that i took a job elsewhere but most of the good jobs are close to where i live.. unless i go abroad.
I guess also with my physical health because my dad keeps coming to my appointments which is helpful for some cos i get anxious and the doctors often me me feel unhappy as they don't listen but also bad because my symptoms are misdescribed or there are things i dont want to talk in front of ya know (i sometimes ask for my dad to leave tho temporarily but not always can do). And i have been waiting more than a year to get help from the doctors but the doctors firstly dont listen to what i said the problem was to begin with and write everything down different. But also dont believe me cos even tho it is physical cos it is neck issue it is hard to physically see. It affects my breathing and day to day stuff but it isn't see as urgent and when i ask for help i get put on a 5 month wait list and the gp said something like im only doing it to make u feel better. Yet it is a dislocation type related issue and i feel that it wouldnt be that hard to solve surely with medical advances but even some medieval style treatment ya know nobody has even acknowledged the problem being there. I want to go private but i dont know who to go to and since it is preexisting dont think my insurance covers it. But it is so terrible.
Also got head tension issues so when i sleep sometimes i sleep in a bad position which affects my back and ears and stuff so its not good. The doctor try to give me drugs for it but bad idea cuz it will go away eventually and the side effects of this drug were very bad. As they would magnify any depressive thoughts, give u dry eyes (i already use computer very long and the doctor knows this) among some other effects. Which would surely give me more pain instead. As well as the fact i can't swallow bitter big drugs and everytime i have to that is just pain to me.
Sorry if that didn't come out clearly just hard to gather my thoughts. Also i know ppl here aren't qualified to give medical advice. But i need to talk because it is going on so long.
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Comments
im no dr so cant really give advice but could you possibly see another GP ? or maybe multiple ones until they help! something I have learned is if you keep going back no matter how draining it is someone will listen.
Have you tried asking your parents to back off a little? (in a nicer way of course haha) like it's your life and they should respect your privacy ...
sorry Im not of much help, just wanted to send some hugs your way!
And neck issues arent as easy to see on the scan it seems or they havent looked at the right part yet.
I think what they need to do is examine like more manually and also look at the structure of the body. I do know there was for sure an accident because my neck bit (adams apple) was pushed so inwards and the pitch of my voice went up like so much higher when it happened. My neck is unually tender.
And then if that was bad enough i later had a head injury which made my neck feel even worse though in that case perhaps some of that was just feedback from the knock.
And i really want a professional who knows about neck structure.
Still the route of paying money to get help starts to seem better with waiting months and months. Not sure what type of doctor to visit but will see.
It sucks as my appointment is postponed until further notice i knew that would happen and fair, still at least it is going ahead sometime in the future.
I sometimes get these breathing issues and recently i got them sometimes quite bad. If its jus reflux meds can help but side effects. Not sure what to do as goin to the gp now seems not so helpful and i am already supposed to have appointment in the future. Jus as long as im okay but long term its not something i can leave (could quite easily get worse) and that is super worrying, especially when some gp dont take u seriously. At the time of the original post i admit i was upset about lots of other stuff too and so it probably comes out a lot more upset than i usually am and i was angry at a friend. I feel like though im just going to get dismissed at the hospital again as 'the scanss showed nothing worrying'. When i clearly witnessed what happened to my body and i feel that something could be done to return it to its normal state, of course the doctors need to determine things first but its worrying how they are going about things and taking so long over everything while at the time of appointment only recieving 5 mins to talk.
Yeah and i said to my parents about how some carbohydrates make me feel sick at times, they ignored me at first then said thats the first i said it which isnt true cos i said it many times before they just ignore what is say. I dunno why might be neck issues again and reflux but i hate having to shout to get anything heard at all. Seems unfair and feels like no one cares. And when i shout it makes it harder for me to breathe tempoarily and feels sicker. I could try like certain speaking styles to try and like reduce strain but really it sucks and i dun think id ever be able to like want to live record my voice and do stuff like that because of the sheer strain it places on my voice.
could you make a list of the foods that make you feel sick and pin it to the fridge or something? that way it might be easier for your parents to remember and they have no excuse to think you're just saying it for the first time.