Home Health & Wellbeing
Fill out our Discussion Boards user survey for a chance to win a £50 Amazon voucher, to shape our services, and get closer to earning a badge!

Emotional overload

Evelyn360Evelyn360 Posts: 81 Budding Regular
I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed at the minute, my dad and step mum broke up this week so my dads been staying with me because he was made redundant last week and cant afford to find a room to rent yet. 

Hes probably going to stay with me for at least a month depending how his job hunt goes, and then one of his friends said he can stay with him until he gets back on his feet but at the moment they have family staying with them which is why he is at mine for now. 

Its not that I mind him staying at mine, hes my dad, of course I'll do anything I can to help him. Aside from me and this one friend he doesn't have anyone else to turn to. I just feel really guilty because I have a housemate and our flat is really small so it's a big sacrifice for her as well having him here. 

I'm going to go through all my things later and throw stuff out to make space for my dads stuff in my room. Luckily my bed is technically 2 singles pushed together so I need to split those apart so we can share the room. I also need to sort out sending my flatmate extra rent and bill money which shes asked for to cover my dads share because I dont want him paying it while he doesnt have a job and then getting himself into debt. Which of course I dont mind doing, and its completely reasonable for my flatmate to ask for the rent to be split 3 ways if he staying here. Theres just a lot to sort out and all i want to do is lay in bed and do nothing. 

I'm just struggling a bit because there just seems to be a lot of thoughts crashing together. I'm generally kind of a private person and like to keep different aspects of my life separated. I've said before that I find it difficult to not try and be who people want me to be, which is exhausting in itself but now it's even harder because I feel the need to constantly have the 'mask' up. 

My dads not used to seeing me this much and even he can tell I'm not how I normally am around him. I'm really struggling to find the energy to be how people need me to be and I'm worried that he thinks my sudden mood changes are because of him moving in. They're not. I'm just used to hiding my depression and having a lot of my own space to do that in and now I feel like I've lost that? I suffer with headaches and migraines anyway and I just feel completely depleted already and it's only been 4 days. 

In general I just feel pretty anxious about my dad because him and my mum had such a toxic break up when I was a kid and his mental health basically just hit rot bottom. We're both feeling the strain now and even hes said it feels like history repeating itself. I've tried to get him to register with a doctors in case things get worse for him, I know he's been suicidal in the past but he just refuses to go. 

Theres probably a lot of other stuff as well but this thread has become quite long already. Dont feel the need to reply, I just needed to get it out I guess. 

Aidan_JohnPast User

Comments

  • AidanAidan Clever idiot Posts: 2,501 Boards Champion
    Hey Evelyn, 

    Sorry about what you're going through, it's really great you could open up like this about things. I hope it helped to 'get it out' like you said 😊

    Have you talked to your dad about your depression and your migraines? If you wanted to be more yourself and not have to have the mask up like you say, do you think he'd understand that being yourself isn't his fault for moving in? It can be a bad feeling to have to cover up and play an act, especially in your own home.

    It's completely your choice and want you want to do, I just felt like suggesting this because it's what I'd do personally if that's okay?- maybe seeing as you're supporting your dad with a place and with paying his share of the rent he's got a responsibility to you to register with a doctors and maybe get help, as well as for himself too. If his mental health starts to knock onto yours, do you think you'd want him to get help?

    I hope things start to look up for you both,

    Take care!
    "Do, or do not, there is no try" <(•.•)>              
  • Evelyn360Evelyn360 Posts: 81 Budding Regular
    Thanks @Aidan

    I havent talked to my dad about it, other than the boards I've never really spoken about my mental health before. I did mention to him today that I dont really have high 'social stamina' which is why I've been in my room a lot this evening alone and it's not to do with him which I'm actually kind of glad I brought up. 

    About the rent and bill's, he doesnt know it's being split 3 ways because I know he'd want to pay for his share but I told my housemate not to tell him. Hes been really proactive about looking for work and going to the job centre to get his cv sorted and everything but it took him a while to get this job 6 years ago and I dont want him spending what money he does have and then relying on credit cards if something doesn't come up soon. 

    I can see your point about it being his responsibility to me to sign up to the doctors. Equally I'm not registered and I've never spoken about my own mental health so it does kind of feel like I'm being a hypocrite by expecting that of him. Maybe I'm not giving him enough credit, he is going through a lot and he is going to be sad for a while, I can't imagine anyone in the same situation to not be. Maybe I'm just already expecting the worst when it's not there yet..  I know I internally stress out and worry about things that aren't mine to control. I'm just not very good with knowing what to say and I dont like seeing other people sad so I internalise and try and do what I can instead. 

    I managed to clear some stuff out get all his things put away so he's not living out of a suitcase and bags and I sorted the beds out as well. I guess I'll just see how things go this week now my housemate is back and we're all living around each other. I do feel a bit better now everything is settled and away again and my headaches stopped so that's good.



     
  • GemmaGemma Posts: 106 Moderator
    Hi @Evelyn360

    I'm glad you reached out here, we're all here for you. It's difficult to balance wanting to support your family and also needing your own space, especially in your own home. It's great that you're feeling good about talking to him and explaining why you've been spending some time in your room.

    You're a strong person for taking care of him and wanting to make sure he is in the strongest position to help himself mentally and financially. It's also important that you take care of yourself as well, especially when you're taking heavily supporting others. I'm glad to hear that things have started to settle a bit and your headaches have gone. 

    How have things been going recently now your housemate is back?
Sign In or Register to comment.