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Suicide attempts

LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
edited December 2019 in Health & Wellbeing
My mum told me the other day that Howie (my mums ex partner) tried to kill himself and he said to me a few weeks ago basically he wants to kill himself. I think it's unfair telling a younger person (me) who is feeling the same. His a grown man and I'm a young adult going through the same. I hope to god that I don't lose anyone to suicide😥 I don't tell him about my suicide attempts (he dosent evan know what's coming up) because his the only one who dosent know I was raped. I don't evan tell my mum about all my suicide attempts because I know it would break her. His like a dad to me so why can't Howie and my mum think the same!?

It may be selfish of me that I don't think I should be told this because they are going to lose me to suicide. It's just that I think it's wrong the age thing. I'm a young adult and Howie is a grown man and has said I am like a daughter to him.

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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    edited December 2019
    Heyy. 

    I see your point of view. In my view i think youre probably old enough to know and sometimes telling people around us breaks that kinda stigma because if someone around me was struggling with their health that being physical or mental - id like to know. And sometimes for the other person - just their close ones knowing how they feel - can feel like support in its self. It sounds like he was reaching out to help from you. I can understand it being hard to know
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    edited December 2019
    And how does he want me to help him Shaunie!? Listen to him, well I think I have enough on and everyone knows that.

    I wouldnt mind if it was someone my age or someone younger or someone that didnt know me. This is the age not anything else. It hasent triggered me but it's gotten me annoyed.
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    edited December 2019
    Just you knowing can feel like support to him. Dont even have to say anything.  He can feel less alone. 
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    How old are you
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    He wasent the one who told me he attempted suicide, it was my mum. He told me he wanted to kill himself. 
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    edited December 2019
    Okay im just saying. If that was me - no matter what state im in mentally i would be glad someone told me they wanted to kill themselves. I know how horrible it is to feel alone with that thought. And you said youre a young adult so 18 or Older then youre def old enough. I know its hard to know though
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    My age dosent matter. His age matters.
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    I dont think any of it has to do with age. Youre al adults and close to each other. But yeah i appercaite how you feel. Just thought would help with different perspectiv
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    This is what my post is about!! The age gap. 
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    Okay and im just saying youre all adults
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    Okay.
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    LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    Has your dad ever told you he wants to kill himself or your mum told you that your dad has attempted suicide. If you answer no to these you have no right to say they are right for telling me this.
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    edited December 2019
    My dad tried to kill himself more than once. Ive seen my dad try to kill himself. Ive seen him in mental break downs. One christmas he strangled my sister on christmas day. Ive gone to see him in hospital after a suicide attempt. And i was in primary school age. That was either from my mum telling me after it happened or i saw it it al
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    edited December 2019
    I can remember clearly being left in school, eating my toffe apple and wasnt allowed home because my dad had attempted suicide and my mum had to go and police was there So i had to stay at school with teacher after 3 cause no one could pick me and my sister up. I went home to know he was in hospital after trying to end his life and i barely understood that. I was in year  in like year 4. I wen to see him in hospital and he told me he was sorry when he got home from hospital and got me presents and i said it is okay. I felt like he now he knows how everyone feels we can kinda understand why sometimes he doesnt have much energy or anything and i bet he was glad people knew and he wasnt alone. Even tho i was really young it was really hard to try to understand why anyone would want to die when i was tjat age but got my head round it. 
    Im just saying i know how it feels and it can feel awful but some part of you must be glad he has opened up
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    AllieAllie Posts: 235 Trailblazer
    A family member of mine tried to kill himself not long ago and was very close, age has nothing to do with it. My brother is 7 years younger than me and he knows about my attempts.. There will come a time where the people you love and are close to, no matter who they are or what their age is will need you and its up to you what you choose to do with that.

    I saw somebody pass away and it was really horrible, I was 16. I have also had to help staff resuscitate my friend when I was 16.. I lived in a hostel, she was my closest friend (the one being resuscitated) she was older. I wasn't angry with her at all I was just upset she couldn't come speak to me because she felt she was alone. 

    All I'm saying is if my family member can be there for me at times like this.. Then I can sure as hell be there for them.. It works both ways, not 1 way.

    Nobody is saying they had a right to tell you that. We just want you to be aware that as you are an adult these topics within a family could sadly end up being discussed. It's talked about a lot these days. 

    Have you tried to speak to him at all? Try break the ice a little? Or send him a text to see how he is? It may help with how you are feeling.

    We are here for you but please don't be like that with Shaunie, especially the last comment you posted towards Shaunie. Wasn't very nice as none of us in this community know what each other have been through. 

    I hope you are feeling a bit calmer this evening. 

    Take care, 
    Kai


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    SkylightsSkylights Deactivated Posts: 11 Settling in
    Hi @Lubna

    I’m sorry to hear that things are really tough for you right now, it's a lot of pressure to receive someone else's burden, especially one so heavy as being told that someone close to you wants to kill themself. it’s really encouraging to see you reach out here for some support!

    One way of looking at the situation, though, is that Howie values your support enough to reach out to you, this is a great compliment, he must think that you are very strong and value you.

    Lubna said:
    Has your dad ever told you he wants to kill himself or your mum told you that your dad has attempted suicide. If you answer no to these you have no right to say they are right for telling me this.
    With regard to the above, I understand that it feels like people with different experiences wouldn't be able to help, and this can definitely feel frustrating but one of the great benefits of a public forum is receiving diverse opinions and we never know the levels of individuals experience and how relevant it can be, as @Kai said.

    Have you had a chat to your Mum or Howie about the situation? Is there anyone else you can speak to or do you have any support in place to help?

    I hope that things are going better for you and you are feeling well =]
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    LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    Just had to email my cpn because I don't know how to deal with this and it could make me super crash! I'm doing well atm! So my mum has told Howie off for telling me he is suicidal but now my mum is telling me that his walking by the canal and suicidal! It dosent matter who it's coming from I'm still being told. Here is a screenshot of what me and Howie sent eachother earlier. I'de evan go as far to say I'de rather him tell me and not my mum because she worries about me loads! So worrying about me and Howie is putting to much pressure on my mum but he should be talking to his mum and professionals not my mum or me. If you disagree you can but I agree that me and my mum should be kept out of it. I shouldnt feel scared to open my own thread incase someone jumps down my throat. I'm going through so much here!
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    LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear



    Well I hope you understand now👍
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    LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    My cpn has it right
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    ItaliaItalia Posts: 220 Trailblazer
    edited December 2019
    Hey Everyone,

    It sounds like its getting a little heated on this thread, so we removed a few posts.

    This is a really difficult thing for anyone to have to deal with and comes with heated emotions which is okay. I'm glad people are sharing their experiences here, perhaps be mindful that even if we have been through something similar to someone else, we may have experienced it differently and advice based on that may not be quite what the other person needs. At the same time its important to understand that people sharing from their experiences are trying to help the best way they know how. Even if its not quite what you need, its probably coming from a very good place.  

    I know its hard when we are talking about really difficult things, but try and be kind to one another. Everyone has their battles <3

    @Lubna your CPN has given you some great advice there, you never have to support someone if you're not in the right space. Remember, you can always let your family members know they can call Samaritans on 116 123 if they need to talk to someone. 

    “People who wade into discomfort and vulnerability and tell the truth about their stories are the real badasses.”
    -     Brene Brown

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    ItaliaItalia Posts: 220 Trailblazer
    edited December 2019
    Hey Everyone,

    This thread is still quite heated, so we deleted some more posts. We will close the thread if it continues, which would be a shame as there has been some genuine support here. 

    If your feeling angry then it's okay to take a breather from this thread. I know its a tough topic to be talking about, but that's why its important that we do it with compassion and respect for one another. 

    “People who wade into discomfort and vulnerability and tell the truth about their stories are the real badasses.”
    -     Brene Brown

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    Lucy307Lucy307 Posts: 1,171 Wise Owl
    Hi Lubna, you are right that you always need to look after yourself first (you can't pour from an empty cup). 

    I think it sounds like Howie is trying to look after himself, too, by reaching out and talking to people about his feelings, especially your mum. If it was Howie posting on here we would be telling him to reach out to those around him (and his counsellor of course). Just in case it helps with a different perspective.

    Have you spoken to them about leaving you out of the discussions? You are both just as worthy and deserving of help and support of those around you, but it's ok to take a step back if you feel you are not up to giving support just now. 

    - Lucy
    Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend
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    LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    He hasent got a counselor but I have told him to speak with his mum and professionals. Yes I have told them both to leave me out of it.
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    Might be good to ask him who he has to speak to if he cant speak to those who he feels close to. & if he would even speak to his mum. Simce unlikely can get professional help these days
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    He has HIS family NOT my family.
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    edited December 2019
    Oh. Its just cause you said he is a dad to you so thought would make you family & really close Hope you and he is okay anyway

    i was just thinking it would help you to feel better too. If you know there is someone he would def reach out to. Cause our mums are not always first person. And be less of a worry to you. Cause atm hes just said hes never saying how he feels again to anyone
    Post edited by Siena on
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    LubnaLubna Deactivated Posts: 496 Listening Ear
    He has the rest of his family too and his mates and he should be reaching out for proffesional help too👍
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    edited December 2019
    Sorry yeah. I meant have you asked him if he actually feels comfortable with that. Cause opened up to yous for a reason so u dunno if feels comfortable with others unless ask. 
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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